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December 07, 2004
Cartographer
Carefully, I tear off lengths of aluminum foil to line the mantle place. I try and do a neat job; preparing to perform a mitzvah–a commandment–is serious business. I trim corners and make sure edges align just so. There is a touch of the obsessive compulsive in how I go about this task–a bit like a cartographer mapping out new territory. Next, I take out the Menorahs, dust the year's worth of grime away and then place them over the fireplace. There are just three. Karen and I, and offspring number three. Offspring number two is away in college. And Ariel... For a moment I consider putting out Ariel's Menorah, I consider lighting it, without a b'racha, a blessing. Quickly, I discard this thought. Surely that's not an appropriate gesture, and Halachically, I'm fairly certain that it's forbidden for a host of reasons. Or at least it is frowned upon with all the considerable weight of generation upon generation of tradition.
After sundown, we light the first light of Chanukah. As Karen lights and recites her b'racha, her voice cracks and thick tears pucker in her eyes. I sing the Maoz Tzur with Karen buried in the crook of my arm. She cries for Ariel, cries for this wounded family.
"Chag Sameach," I say. I kiss my beloved family. But the joy of Chanukah is a distant shore.
Recovering, Karen places the central Menorah by the window thereby fulfilling the Mitzvah of a public celebration. And then a surprise, Karen hands out Barton's Almond Kisses, a nostalgic taste of Brooklyn, our traditional family gift.
Sitting alone in the darkened living room for a few minutes, I ponder the silence, the guttering flame, and for a moment I feel a measure of peace.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at December 7, 2004 11:15 PM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.