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May 26, 2005
The Book of Ariel
For the past year-and-a-half Karen and I have been writing and editing a book of memories and tributes about Ariel. This week we finally delivered the galleys to our printer. We will be distributing The Book of Ariel on Sunday, June 19 at the "Ariel Avrech Yahrzeit Lecture", being delivered by Rabbi David Fohrman at the Young Israel of Century City.
On handing in the galleys, I thought I would feel relieved, experience a sense of accomplishment. Instead I feel sad, emptied out. I worry that the book does not really capture who Ariel was.
I ask myself: Can we ever accurately draw a portrait of Ariel's soul, of his brief life? Is it ever possible to get across who Ariel was? Or is every act of remembrance compromised by layers of wishful thinking and deeply flawed by the very fact that it takes place in the subjective mind? I fear that the tools we use, language and memory, are so faulty that the true Ariel ZT"L, is forever lost. I lie in bed in the middle of the night and desperately try to conjure up his presence. Why is it so hard? Why does his life, and our life with him, sometimes feel like an out-of-focus dream?
Karen adds: I wrestle with this problem daily, and have written about it many times. Capturing Ariel's presence is difficult because G-d or our psyche protects us. Contrasting his absence and his presence would wrench my heart so badly that it would stop. I have also thought that evoking the sense of his being here, to return to the normality we took for granted, is like the frustration experienced when you are in pain. When pain hits you, as hard as you try, you cannot remember what it feels like to be pain free. Thus it is with Ariel, now that the pain is unremittingly here, I can't conjure up the feeling of our old reality. It is also like breathing, when you are healthy who thinks about your lungs? Who counts their heartbeats? When you are ill, you are a prisoner of each breath.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at May 26, 2005 08:37 AM
Comments
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1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
How can you convey what Ariel truly was? you wonder.
The Book of Ariel aside, you've made a strong effort and have done a fine job with your yearlong blog, with your published personal essays, with your characterization of Ariel, "the Hebrew Kid" -- these offer wonderful glimpses of your beloved son.
You might have family, friends and community members who truly knew Ariel and understood and recognized his multifaceted, jewel-like persona...
But then again, you have strangers like me, and other readers of your blog and essays, who have grown to "know" Ariel through your words and efforts. I can't imagine that a personal meeting with him would have even elevated him even more in our eyes; you've done a great job of that already...and more importantly, he did it of his own accord, on his own merits!
That is what you should be proud of. I'm guessing you've shared with the "outside world" what the "inner world" already knew about him.
Posted by: Pearl at May 26, 2005 09:48 AM
The other night I went to see the latest Star Wars movie, and wondered if Ariel would have liked it. Though as a Nurk boy, he probably would have waited for it to come out on video. I've never met him, though feel like I know him; his essence affects my consciousness- and I'm a total stranger. You and Karen have done an amazing job of remembering your son.
Posted by: Y. Levy at May 26, 2005 11:23 AM
Primo Levi once wrote that human memory "is a marvelous but fallacious instrument." In spite of the flaws inherent in remembering, there are many good reasons one must.
Your blog is such a beautiful way to honor Ariel's memory. I would love to purchase a copy of The Book of Ariel.
Posted by: Tamara at May 26, 2005 11:50 AM
Robert:
I found something on this topic that I thought you might find to be interesting.
In a letter from 3 Shevat 5719 (1959) the Lubavticher Rebbe wrote, "...physical monuments can only be secondary to spiritual monuments. Therefore, if there was a question of choice as to spending the money on physical monuments of bronze or stone, or applying the extra funds towards sacred causes of Torah and Mitzvoth, and the like, there can be no question as to where the priority belongs."
While I have never seen it, The Book of Ariel is most certainly a "spiritual monument". May this book be a merit for Ariel's neshoma.
Posted by: A Simple Jew at May 27, 2005 05:13 AM