Wow! What a wonderful story so far, especially when balanced against the stuff that happened to you at Braverman's hands. It's funny to think about romance at such a young age at YOF, because my own class at Flatbush boasted EIGHT couples who eventually got married! I was not a part of any of those couples, and I was never able to figure out how love could blossom so early... until now. Sadly, I think any such romance at YOF could never happen now that it has become so Syrian. Young Syrian women are encouraged to marry 30-40 year old men, preferrably before the girls hit their 20th birthday. My own class was about 40% Syrian, and many of the girls married 35 year-old men within a year of graduation.

My own Yeshiva of Flatbush experience, (I only attended the high school), was thankfully better than yours. But while I never suffered physical abuse, the mental abuse was accute. Due to my relatively poor Hebrew language training before entering 9th grade, I was also shut into the "dumber" class. I was ignored by virtually every teacher or looked at with disdain until junior year when I aced the PSAT and then the SAT. All of sudden, the teachers couldn't talk to me enough. Luckily, I made some true friends in my "garbage" class, most of whom are super-successful now. Those friendships kept me going, and made life in school bearable. Most of us drifted apart soon after graduation, but at our 10-year reunion we immediately picked up where we left off and for one night became the wise-cracking support group we never realized we were through high school. To this day, humor is my first and only weapon of choice, and I see that it serves me the same way your fiction writing does for you.

What was most galling about Flatbush in my day, (1984-88), was the number of embittered ex-patriot Israelis who taught there. From Rabbi Eliach on down, they were deeply conflicted about not living in Israel, and seemed to think they could make up for it by convincing all the students to make Aliyah. There are many good reasons to make Aliyah, but one of them is not to ease the guilt of mentally sadistic Yordim. If the push for Aliyah only included positive messages, (even if they stretched the truth a bit), I would have been okay with it. But it came mostly in a package of hate-filled rhetoric about non-Jews, and the U.S. in general. Religious students were also told that if they didn't go to Israel, they'd probably lose their yidishkeit. I remember my best friend openly asking one of the ex-Israelis why we should listen to his push for our making Aliyah when he himself had left years before. From the look in that teacher's eyes, it was all he could do not to tear my friend limb-from-limb.

Jake

Thanks so much for your comment. Your observation about the embittered Israeli teachers squares with my experience and of others who have written private notes to me. It seems that Flatbush is now completely dominated by wealthy Syrian Jews and this brings along a whole new set of tensions. Karen remembers suffering true agony when she wore the same outfit two days in a row. This was back in the 60's. With fashion so dominant now I can only imagine the terrible pressures on the less affluent kids. Flatbush was always a social pressure cooker. It sounds like it's indeed off the charts now.

I feel a little guilty because it probably sounds like I'm Syrian-bashing. But as other posters have noted, there culture is simply different and that changes the dynamic of the school, (and not always for the worst, of course). That said, I wish Syrian families would give their daughters a little more of a chance to establish themselves before marrying them off, and I also wish they would allow their children to mix with Ashkenazim a lot more. I remember decrying the separate minyanim at Flatbush and publicly asking why we couldn't daven together in the Nusach Acheed that is used in Israeli army units. I was privately told by one of the Rabbis who agreed with me that I was very lucky not to have been suspended for making that comment publicly. Now it seems that the neighborhood changes and improvements in other modern-orthodox day schools have driven most of the Ashkenazim out. This is too bad, because Flatbush could have been an experiment in Sephardic-Ashkenazi cooperation and dialogue. Instead it's gone from the uncomfortable coexistence of my day to 80-90% Syrian. Either way, nothing is accomplished.

Jake

You don't sound like you are Syrian bashing at all. You sound, well, sad. I have received several private e-mails that have essentially said the same thing. But: ever the Hollywood screenwriter, I do sense good material for a romantic comedy. A Syrian girl who refuses to go along with he status quo; falls in love with an Ashkenazi boy and has to go through major trials to get the man she loves.

"It is as if I have put my hand into a live socket and a blast of electricity jolts my body."

I wish I could say that I empathize beyond words -if only; I wrote 3 horrendous haiku around accidentally touching three times a young woman I was dating.

from the comment; "ever the Hollywood screenwriter, I do sense good material for a romantic comedy...".

I had a Purim shpiel in mind, three really(a Pythonesque take on Ashkenasim at a Sephardic shabbat minyan at a resort, "Mishna Impossible", etc), but one was "Upper-Westside Story", which would only have what to do with the upper Westside in name; slick Syrians vs. Chassidim...I just met a girl named Rochel, etc.

This breaks my heart to read, but there is the comfort of knowing that you ended up together. I'm loving these posts.

Adios from Spain...

Reading this has nearly broken me to tears. It's like the YOF support group that Ive always needed and never new existed.
I graduated the elementary school in 1982 and spent my freshman year of high school on ave J. It was those bitter Israeli teachers. I couldnt take it.

And my Dance story is similar, her name is Madaliene and I loved her so. Unfortunately, It didnt go so well for me. We remained very close friends through high school and college. Towards the end of my senior year at college she informed me that she was engaged to be married. I didnt even know she was dating anyone.

I am greatful for your story knowing that sometimes the story does have a happy ending. and what a wonderful thing this site is.

thank you all so much.