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June 24, 2005
Seraphic Secret to Marriage
The other day, I was asked why my marriage to Karen is so good. Immediately, I answered: "Because I'm smart enough to know that Karen is smarter than me, and I act accordingly."
Karen adds: I could write a book on this probably, but Robert asked me to comment. I will quote Rabbi Fohrman, who quoted Rabbi Twersky. The short answer all derive from the root word Hodaya, which means thanks, or acknowledgment. You must know how to thank your spouse, to acknowledge their qualities, i.e. give them lots of praise, and also to know how to apologize, how to do Vidui, also from the same root. A more personal answer is that you have to be best friends, you have to want to be with this person more than any other person. Like my brother told me, you never get tired of being with this person, you don't need a break. You don't need a night out with the boys or the girls. You want to watch movies with them, and if you do go out and have a great time you want to want to relive it all over again with your best friend. It's the person you know will support you no matter what. Robert will always take my side, I can tell him everything, he is my best ______ you fill in the blank. He understands me like no one else. That is the key to a good marriage. Support, friendship, communication, respect. When you have those, you can relax, let down your hair and then you can laugh or cry with abandon.
Have a lovely and meaningful Shabbos.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at June 24, 2005 08:54 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
Robert...this post brings up a great question...for those who are in long marriages...what is the secret to your success? Would be interesting to hear if there are any threads that run through the answers.
The secret to my marriage is friendship,(yes, we actually like eachother),laughter, respect,and similar values.
Posted by: Randi W. at June 24, 2005 09:31 AM
Randi:
The couples I know who are consistently happy are people who share the same values. They are couples who say please and thank you. Couples who actually listen to one another and hear what the other is saying. They are also people who will not hesitate to apologize. Love is always saying I'm sorry. Have a lovely and meaningful Shabbos.
Posted by: Robert at June 24, 2005 09:44 AM
Robert, you do know, of course, that now we have to hear Karen's take on the matter...both her personal analysis and her psychology-training analysis!
Today is my parents' 49th wedding anniversary; I should ask them the same question: What has made their marriage so good for all these years?
Posted by: Pearl at June 24, 2005 10:03 AM
Hopefully, Karen will have time to add her thoughts before Shabbos. Mazal Tov to your parents. Please do ask them the question. Have a lovely and meaningful Shabbos
Posted by: Robert at June 24, 2005 10:25 AM
I've been married for more than 3 years now and find myself saying "I'm sorry" more and more. Does this mean I'll have a true marriage? Just kidding., Have a good Shabbos.
Posted by: SF at June 24, 2005 11:57 AM
Wow - you'd put that Men are From Mars guy out of business :)
Have a great Shabbos :)
Rachel
Posted by: Rachel at June 24, 2005 01:26 PM
You two are an inspiration, in more ways than I can possibly write.
Posted by: Stacey at June 25, 2005 06:00 AM
Karen, thank you. That is what I was TRYING to say, only you made it sound poignant and beautiful. Here is what my husband said..."I know what the best marriage is...I'm looking right at it". I'd say that's poignant and beautiful too!
Posted by: Randi W. at June 25, 2005 08:34 AM
You have something very special.
Posted by: Jack at June 26, 2005 12:51 AM
Jack:
We are aware that we have something special and we are forever grateful. Hope you too have or will have something special too.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at June 26, 2005 03:33 AM
Karen, what a genius your brother must be! I am glad I married him.
Elana
Posted by: elana at June 29, 2005 07:59 PM
Elana, it takes two geniuses to make a special marriage like yours.
Posted by: Karen Avrech at July 2, 2005 10:19 PM
Thanks for your message I think it will help me in my life in future.
Posted by: Lornah at July 6, 2007 12:35 AM