« Second Yartzeit | Main | Karen's View From the Couch »
July 11, 2005
Karen Meets the Parents—Way Too Early
Our continuing series that tells the painful, humorous, often deeply weird, and other times simply unbelievable story of my lifelong love for Karen.
I have been in love with Karen since fourth grade. I have finally run into her at a Jewish street festival on the Upper West Side. She is not married. She is not going out with anybody. And now she is sitting in my apartment drinking a glass of water and we are talking and talking and it is absolutely magic. My eyes are fixed on Karen with such intensity that they feel like hot rivets in my head. And that's when the doorbell rings. I open the door. My parents—G-d help me—sweep into the apartment.
My parents, Abraham and Mina Z'L Avrech, wedding day, 1943
There is a long awkward moment as my mother and father realize that a young woman is sitting in my apartment.
“Mom, dad, this is Karen Singer, we went to Yeshiva Flatbush together.”
My mother screams.
She screams Karen's name. She just can't help herself. It is the primal cry of a mother who realizes deep in her gut that this is the one young woman who can save her only son from bachelorhood. My father smiles from ear to ear. Karen is reserved and polite, but I can tell she's a bit uncomfortable. It is a bit early to meet the parents.
My mother sits and plies Karen with questions. My father paces and jingles the change in his pocket. I scrunch down into the couch and try and figure some way of getting my parents out of the apartment without breaking the fifth commandment.
Karen smiles politely at my mother and submits to a ruthless interrogation: What school are you going to? What are you studying? What are your plans for the future? Questions designed to elicit one morsel of information: Are. You. Going. To. Marry. My. Shmendrik. Son?
I search for an opening, and that's when the doorbell rings. I breath a sigh of relief, go to the door, swing it open and who stands there but my younger sister.
Okaaaaay!
At least now there's another body in the room to distract my mother.
To be continued...
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at July 11, 2005 07:47 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
Wow.....talk about meeting the family.
I can only imagine how awkward the moment must have been.
Eagerly waiting for the next installment..... :)
Posted by: Lance at July 11, 2005 09:00 AM
And it gets even more awkward...
Posted by: Robert at July 11, 2005 09:24 AM
Talk about "all in one fell swoop"! Sounds like the makings of a sitcom..."Everybody Loves Karen"!!!
Posted by: Randi at July 11, 2005 09:28 AM
It was more like the Marx Bros.
Posted by: Robert at July 11, 2005 09:35 AM
Why not just call the segment: The More, the Merrier!
Or like that fun Lucille Ball/Henry Fonda 1968 film: Yours, Mine and Ours.
Posted by: Pearl at July 11, 2005 09:56 AM
I should consult with you before publishing!
Posted by: Robert at July 11, 2005 10:29 AM
Ooohhhh, I like that term "consultant." I think I'll add it to my resume!
TorontoPearl: copy editor, poet, writer, blogger and CONSULTANT. (oh ya, and Seraphic Friend!)
Posted by: Pearl at July 11, 2005 10:57 AM
and...don't forget... "vacationist extraordinaire"!
Posted by: Randi at July 11, 2005 11:23 AM
. . . so nu? why hasn't this become a comedy screenplay yet?
Posted by: Yehudit at July 11, 2005 08:17 PM
It was not funny at the time, merely painful.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at July 11, 2005 10:01 PM
Robert, I admire your ability to bring to mind the details... not only of the setting, but more importantly, what was in your heart at that moment in time.
Posted by: Randi at July 11, 2005 10:24 PM
Where Karen is concerned ever detail is burned in my mind.
Posted by: Robert at July 12, 2005 06:52 AM
"Where Karen is concerned ever detail is burned in my mind."
Beautiful. Karen is one lucky woman.
Posted by: Stacey at July 12, 2005 08:46 PM