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July 26, 2005
Not So Seraphic Sweden
In which the Author Recounts the Saga of how He, An Awkward Jewish Lad, Fell in Love with Karen, The Fair Jewish Lady, at age nine, and Though She Knew Not That He was Alive, the Author Surrendered Not and Strange as it Seems, the Author Met The Lady Again Under Most Extraordinary Circumstances and Somehow The Author Won the Lady's Most Fair Hand.
Dousing all the lights in the room, sealing the windows like Count Dracula, I crawl into bed and find a position that will allow me to fight off the migraine. Sometimes I'm able to put myself into a trance; I suppose it's a kind of anti-pain meditative state. Several hours later, I'm out of bed, drinking buckets of black coffee and eating slices of burnt toast, and I'm ready for more of, you guessed it, Karen.
That evening, we meet at The Library. No, not the New York Public Library. The Library was an intimate coffee shop on Broadway. The walls of the cafe filled with books, hence the clever name. We continue our endless conversation and more than ever I consider the wisdom, actually the non-wisdom of my impending trip to Sweden.
I walk Karen back to her apartment and promise to write. This time, I do not shake her hand. I actually learn from my mistakes.
Sweden. What can I say? My body is there, but my mind is definitely not. It's a pretty country. But how many medieval cathedrals can you look at? How many castles can you explore saying, “Wow, it's so... old.” Sweden has lots of, um, trees and blond people who are excruciatingly polite.
But even in neutral Sweden I run into hostile students who argue, no, lecture me about the poor Palestinians. Most American students who agitate for the genocidal Arabs are pretty ignorant about history, about Jewish history, about simple facts, but the Swedes are not only ignorant, they spout, get this, Stalinist propaganda, and I feel like I'm in some time warp from the 1930's.
I realize that European socialism is alive and well and anti-Zionism is just a convenient front for some pretty vicious Jew-hatred. No wonder all my Jewish/Swedish friends are planning to making aliyah, all of them repeating the same mantra: “There is no future for Jews in Sweden.”
When I'm in Stockholm I daven in a tiny and dying Orthodox Shul on St. Paulsgaaten. The old men are all refugees from Poland. At first they are suspicious of me, but soon enough they approach and greet me; they smile and chat in Yiddish. I understand about half of what they say.
The old men honor me with an aliyah at every minyan. I feel like crying for they are just so happy to have another observant Jew under the age of eighty. And when I announce, in Hebrew, our only common language, that I am about to leave, that it's time for me to return to America, the old men look so very sad. I can still feel their hands on my shoulder, skin like leather, gently patting me goodbye. I have to admit that I am crying. When you daven, put on tefillin, with a minyan for a length of time a bond is formed that is transcendent.
I send Karen three postcards from Scandinavia. They are somewhere in our house, but Karen has not been able to dig them up. She will find them, but it will take time.
The day I return to America—oh G-d, I love the US, I hate traveling, I hate foreign countries, they reallyreallyreally bite, big-time—I immediately call Karen right from the airport. I want to make sure that:
1. Karen is real.
2. Karen did not get married while I was gone.
3. Karen still wants to see me.
Affirmative to all the above. Huge sigh of relief.
Karen and I get together a few hours after I get back to my upper West Side apartment. It takes all my willpower not to gather Karen in my arms and hold her and announce to her that I will never be separated from her ever again. I want to ask her to marry me right then and there, but even I, crazy and obsessed as I am, know that this kind of behavior is, ahem, highly inappropriate.
To be continued.
Karen adds: These were not ordinary postcards; not shots of the towering cathedrals or the ancient castles. Rather, Robert sent me museum portraits of classic paintings. They were romantic yet tasteful and just right for that stage in our relationship.
The words he wrote really didn't matter, what mattered was that he took the time to write. I remember pasting them to the wall next to my desk, and they stayed there until I moved. I wrote back and the addresses on the postcards were longer than the messages, but boy did I work on those words. I finally wrote something about our shared quest for the perfect raw mushroom (a weird interest at that time) and it's symbolism—go figure the folly of youth.
While Robert was gone I had the leisure of house sitting for my family who had all gone to Israel, so I was alone, going on a series of non-serious dates, commuting between my apartment and my parent's house in Brooklyn, depending on my schedule, seeing friends, working temporary odd jobs, and checking my mailbox.
When the call came from Robert I remember how surprised I was, since he called about two weeks earlier than I expected. I kept repeating like an idiot, “I can't believe you're back!”
We agreed to meet the next day, and I practically flew back to Manhattan.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at July 26, 2005 08:31 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
Robert....I agree with you about foreign countries. If one wants to appreciate what we have here in the US, just do some traveling. I have been blessed to see some interesting parts of this world....and each time I returned, I wanted to hug the customs agent. I was so happy to be back in the good ol USof A.
Posted by: Lance at July 26, 2005 10:27 AM
Lance: Even in so-called free countries, I always feel well, less free than in America. France is a pit. England is sort of okay, at least they speak English--sort of. Eastern Europe? A sewer. The Arab countries, well let's hope we can drag them into the 18th century before we have to nuke them. I'll stop now before I'm accused of being gasp, xenophobic!
Posted by: Robert Avrech at July 26, 2005 10:48 AM
Isn't it nice to know that (sometimes) good things come to those who wait?
To you both I say, "L'chaim!" No, wait, let me try that in Swedish -- "Skal" (with some little round accent over the "a")!
Great title and subtitle to this post, Robert/Karen.
Posted by: Pearl at July 26, 2005 10:50 AM
I would describe France more like a trash can....Turkey was quite interesting...and I do have to say the people were quite friendly. Of course, this was before 9/11...I dont know if I would be so comfortable now....It's funny you bring up xenophobia....Unfortunately, it seems un cool today to say and express your love for America. but, lets face it....we live in a very special place.
BTW...did Karen ever travel much in her single days?
Posted by: Lance at July 26, 2005 10:58 AM
Pearl: Your "Skol" reminds me that the Swedes drank lots and lots of liquor. I don't because of my migraines so I spent a few evening being the designated driver. Many many drunkards in the northern lands. Very sad in fact.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at July 26, 2005 11:40 AM
They probably were drinking in misery and drowning their sorrows because...they didn't have a woman like Karen in their lives!
(Your headaches, which I knew about, are the reason I didn't bring you a gift of Canadian schnapps when I visited.)
Posted by: Pearl at July 26, 2005 11:43 AM
Robert
France has one, and only one, purpose in life; i.e., to host the Tour de France. That is its only redeeming feature. For the other 11 months and one week of each year there is absolutely no reason for it to exist.
Posted by: azriel at July 26, 2005 12:02 PM
Pearl: The presents you did bring were and are are quite generous. The Eve Arnold, "Hollywood" book is a real winner. Every Shabbos, I take a few moments and look at the wonderful pictures and remind myself how "glamorous" my work is.
Posted by: Robert at July 26, 2005 12:11 PM
You are so right about Sweden! There are only so many trees a person can appreciate in one lifetime. That's exactly what I thought when I went there.
Now I am going to read the rest of your post and maybe comment again!
Posted by: Alice at July 26, 2005 01:09 PM
I also totally agree with you about travelling generally and the US, thank G-d for bringing me here.
And everything else you wrote- just lovely, as usual!
Posted by: Alice at July 26, 2005 01:12 PM
Hey Robert, this is such a wonderful story. Have you considered using it as a basis for a screenplay?
Another proud American here. I can't stand all of the anti-American sentiment I read in many Canadian/European blogs.
I appreciate all that my ancestors did in order that I may live the American dream. And living it I am! And loving every minute of it.
Posted by: Stacey at July 26, 2005 01:24 PM
Azriel: Actually, I think It's time to move the Tour de France to America. Afterall, Lance Armstrong has sort of dominated the sport for what, seven years? They don't deserve to have it in their land any longer. Besides, did you see the losers with their posters accusing Armstrong of doping? Those French, they can't even lose with dignity. Imagine the tour going over the majestic Rockies. Across the Mississippi. Need I say more?
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at July 26, 2005 01:27 PM
Stacey: Have I thought about using "How I Married Karen" as the basis of a script? No. I know Hollywood too well. They would want Karen (the character) to be, well, naked most of the time, and me, they'd have me involved in a torrid affair with some gorgeous slutty married woman, not Jewish, natch, and well, I might be a Hollywood screenwriter, but I still have some self-respect. Not a lot. But some.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at July 26, 2005 01:32 PM
On 2nd thought...I guess that a wholesome, monogamous love story wouldn't sell. What a shame. But then again, I never had mainstream tastes.
Posted by: Stacey at July 26, 2005 02:21 PM
Stacey: Karen and I have received such favorable feedback on "How I Married Karen" that we are thinking of turning it into an "Illustrated Novel." It will have the text that you have read here, plus more, but will also include "scrapbook" elements such as pictures of us at the time, pictures of NY, Brooklyn, maps, ticket stubs, movie posters, doodles, lists, anything and everything that makes sense within the context of the text. Karen and I would love to hear from Seraphic Secret readers; does this idea appeal?
Posted by: Robert at July 26, 2005 02:30 PM
Here is what I love seeing develop in this story...the fact that Karen's feelings were rapidly growing for you Robert.I love the "behind the scenes" thoughts from you, Karen, because it reveals to us loyal readers how, FINALLY, Robert was not alone in what he was feeling...even if he didn't yet know it!
What a beautiful book it would make.
Posted by: Randi at July 26, 2005 04:22 PM
One vote for the "illustrated volume".
I find your true life story very inspirational, and I think many would enjoy it immensely.
Posted by: Lance at July 26, 2005 04:45 PM
Re: what Hollywood does to real-life stories.
Not a real-life story, but I loved Bee Season. Ever since I found out what Hollywood was doing to it I have been doing a slow burn.
Posted by: Yehudit at July 26, 2005 04:46 PM
Randi: Thanks so much. I love seeing it too. Truth is, Karen and I never really followed the thread of our story out loud to each other. Sure, I knew that something was happening with us. I knew that she was starting to care for me. But Seraphic Secret is truly revealing secrets that have been dormant for twenty-seven years. The web is a marvelous thing. More and more we're pretty sure that "How I Married Karen" is going to be a Seraphic Press publication.
Posted by: Robert at July 26, 2005 04:56 PM
Lance: One copy reserved for you and another for your future bride.
Posted by: Robert at July 26, 2005 04:57 PM
Judith: That you should bring this book up is quite interesting. i was invited to meet and talk with producers about adapting this book. I did. Then the producers told me what they wanted to do. My jaw hit the floor and I politely declined to be part of the abortion. Just business as usual in Hollywood. Most people just don't understand that when a good movie is made it's almost a miracle. Take a look at my movie, "The Devil's Arithmetic." There's a reason it took me eight long years to get it made. There's a reason I won the Emmy award for my script. There's a reason it was rejected by every studio and network in town. The only reason it finally got the green light was because Dustin Hoffman adored the script and agreed to produce the picture. But that's another story.
Posted by: Robert at July 26, 2005 05:04 PM
Robert,
I know I've said that before, but it just doesn't make sense to me why Hollywood keeps making the same dull & formulaic movies. Okay, I do understand - sex sells and Hollywood is focused on making money. But, it's just so frustrating. I would say about 98% of the time I leave the movie theatre I am completely unsatisfied and unimpressed. The producers/directors/writers have dumbed down the script/movie industry and I don't have faith that this situation will improve. At least I can't depend on Hollywood to improve. I guess if people stopped going to these stupid movies, Hollywood would stop and start making more 'artsy' stuff that matters. But it's really insane that they would turn around your very interesting story and cheapen it with their debauchery. They are the losers. I wish you lots of success in your "How I Married Karen" project. It's a heck of a lot more interesting than anything Hollywood could dream of. Rock on :)
Rachel
Posted by: Rachel at July 26, 2005 05:45 PM
Robert/Karen, I love the idea of the "illustrated novel." Sounds fantastic.
"But Seraphic Secret is truly revealing secrets that have been dormant for twenty-seven years."
Isn't that the beauty of life? 27 years on a path together and you never know where it will take you. I am so happy you are enjoying these snippets you have shared as much as we are.
Posted by: Stacey at July 26, 2005 07:33 PM
Stacey: Karen and I are almost as surprised as you are. Thanks so much for reading and responding.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at July 26, 2005 07:53 PM
Dear Lance; In response to your question. My travels were en route to Israel, but I did manage to see the European capitols. Unlike Robert, I love to travel and explore new places. So, while he likes to travel inwardly, I seek stimulation by going to different places. We usually find some middle ground, (no pun intended).
Posted by: Karen Avrech at July 26, 2005 10:39 PM
Robert, my heart aches thinking what you could have made of that movie!
Richard Gere! What were they thinking!
Posted by: Yehudit at July 27, 2005 12:36 AM
Judith: What were they thinking? "Pretty Woman" no doubt. A film that grossed something like 100 million dollars domestic and who knows how much foreign. Now, did people go see it because of Buddha Boy? Of course not. But Hollywood is afflicted with magical thinking, like a four year old child, and anything that gives some semblance of insurance, especially in these days of shrinking box office, is going to get the green light.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at July 27, 2005 02:26 AM
I've got it Robert...Here's the plan for the movie..."Love is Cool, The Avrech/Singer love story" starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore". Now, you can't tell me that won't bring the audiences in droves! (hey, can I have 10% of gross for making that suggestion?)
Posted by: Randi at July 27, 2005 07:45 AM
Randi, what do you think about "Love Is Cool" having its theme song -- Carly Simon's "Haven't Got Time for the Pain"?
"All those crazy nights when I cried myself to sleep
Now melodrama never makes me weep anymore
'Cause I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you
You showed me how, how to leave myself behind
How to turn down the noise in my mind
Now I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you
Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that's just how much it cost to survive in this world
'Til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white love
Pouring down from the heaven
I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you"
Posted by: Pearl at July 27, 2005 08:07 AM
Pearl, you're a genius...and we'll get Madonna and Britney Spears to sing it in duet. (After all, we want the theme song to this beautiful Jewish love story, Starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, to be sung by those two great "we study Kaballah and wear a little red bracelet, so we are now Jewish" talents).
Posted by: Randi at July 27, 2005 08:20 AM
Randi, the movie's closing credits will be playing Stevie Wonder's "Ribbon in the Sky":
"Oh so long for this night I prayed
That a star would guide you my way
To share with me this special day
Where a ribbon’s in the sky for our love
If allowed may I touch your hand
And if pleased may I once again
So that you too will understand
There’s a ribbon in the sky for our love
Do...do...
Do do do do do...
Hmm hmm...
This is not a coincidence
And far more than a lucky chance
But what is that was always meant
Is our ribbon in the sky for our love, love
We can’t lose with God on our side
We’ll find strength in each tear we cry
From now on it will be you and i
And our ribbon in the sky
Ribbon in the sky
A ribbon in the sky for our love
Do...do...
Do do do do do...
Hmm hmm...
There’s a ribbon in the sky for our love"
Posted by: Pearl at July 27, 2005 08:47 AM
POY-FECT!
Posted by: Randi at July 27, 2005 09:02 AM
You know, according to this link, there's still an Orthodox synagogue on St Paulsgatan:
Posted by: Atlantic at July 27, 2005 12:14 PM
Atlantic: Thanks so much for bringing this to my attention. I am soooo happy to hear that the shul on St. Paulsgaaten is still open. It's a lovely space. Best wishes.
Posted by: Robert at July 27, 2005 02:42 PM