Robert,

If I may comment about the Sukkah feeling haunted. It seems to me that haunted can have a positive connotation if the memories you have are happy ones.

Wish I knew what to say. I read your posts all the time, just feel like I want to send a hug to your whole family.

Jack:

Most of the time the Succah does have positive connotations. But this last Succos that I am writing about, well, I was just so filled with dread and it does sort of overwhelm all else. Yet on the other hand, I know that Ariel would want me to enjoy the mitzvas of Succos to the fullest and so yes Jack, you are right. And thank you for your good counsel.

Mirty:

Thanks so much for your kind comment. BTW, you have an amazing blog--deep in the heart of Texas. Outside of CA, my very favorite state.

One morning 28 years ago, I left for school as usual. Around 10AM the office paged my brother and I and I knew in that instant my father had died. When I got the the office, I saw my Mom and a priest and they confirmed what I already knew in my heart. People said "The first (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthday...) is always the hardest, it will get easier." Well, they were wrong. In fact, it gets harder, because life changes and joys and sorrows continue to come and I will always miss him.
I read your blog because of the never ending love that is here.

Robert,
I totally understand how you feel about the Succah. For the first time that I remember, we were three people in the Succah, and to make matters worse, yesterday would have been my daughter, Rochelly's, 30th birthday.
I still have decorations that she made, I baked a cake from a recipe in her handwriting that she used to make, I looked at the Aaron Koddesh in shul that has her name on it, I listened to the reading of the Torah from a Torah dedicated in her memory, and after 13 years, I am still in denial and expect her to walk in with her bright smile.
Hold on to the memories of your special son. He has become part of all your Seraphic Friends' lives, and you and Karin have done something brilliant in keeping his memory alive. Good Yom Tov to you, Karin and your entire family from all of us,
Surie

Lisa:

Thanks so much for your kind words. And thanks for reading our blog. Karen and I are glad that we can provide some measure of comfort to you. BTW, we love the gift and will be posting shortly, after the holidays.

HerMom:

What can we say but we know exactly how you feel. It is the physical objects that continue to live on and remind us each and every moment of the bottomless absence that is at our core. May Rochelly's memory continue to be a blessing.

i have thought about that sukkah party every sukkos since.

we used to get together every sukkos after high school. it was the only time during the year that so many of us where "home".

that year we decided to hold the party at your home so that Ariel could join us.

it was the last time we had a sukkah party.

i have thought about that sukkah party every sukkos since.

we used to get together every sukkos after high school. it was the only time during the year that so many of us where "home".

that year we decided to hold the party at your home so that Ariel could join us.

it was the last time we had a sukkah party.

Ari:

Thanks so much for reading and remembering. I still have the one picture I took that evening. Ariel is grinning from ear to ear. He loved his friends so very much.