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November 29, 2005
Negative on the Negatives
It started when I was in fourth grade at Yeshiva Flatbush. Karen had just transferred from Yeshiva Ohel Moshe and it was her first day in school. I laid eyes on her and WHAP! That was it. The course of my life was forever changed. I was just nine-years old. What can a pisher like that know of true love? Well, read this series and find out.
A few weeks after our wedding, Karen and I ask my parents if they have received the contact sheets from the photographer.
"Not yet," they say.
The weeks turn into months and finally my parents tell us that there are no photos.
"What do you mean?"
"There was a fire in the lab, all the negatives were destroyed."
I stare in disbelief.
"The photographer said it was a terrible blaze and so much was destroyed," my mother continues tragically.
Oh yeah, I'll bet it was just like the burning of Atlanta in Gone With the Wind.
I figure shmendrick probably shot at the wrong F stop or misplaced the film. But a fire at the lab? Come on, he might as well have told us that the dog ate the film.
It turns out that not all the negatives were "lost in the fire." Shmendrick has discovered about a dozen stiffly posed photos that he actually has the chutzpah to charge for. And my good and honest parents actually pay when they should be suing this idiot.
The photos make us all look like statues from Madame Trussauds Wax Museum.
The punch line: Twenty years later, I get a phone call from a low level local politician in Brooklyn. He's raising money from "prominent Jews in the entertainment business."
It takes me a moment to place his name, but it comes to me.
It's shmendrick!
I tell him that I'd rather have my wedding photos.
"Huh?"
I remind him of my wedding, of the lost photos, of the fire.
He makes sympathetic noises but presses for campaign money. I make a deal with him. "Tell me the truth about what happened to the wedding photos and I'll make a contribution."
Needless to say, I never made a contribution.
The ten photos my friend took are infinitely better than anything shmendrick could ever have dreamed. Those ten photos capture our happiness and our complete love.
I realize now that sometimes disasters are not so disastrous. Maybe it's a blessing that the professional photos were lost. They only would have frozen us in a tableau that did not really exist.
Karen Adds: It's another Gigi moment, "Ah yes, I remember it well." if you know the song. What happened, is that after we came back from our sort of honeymoon, a hiking trip, two months after our wedding, in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, my mother-in-law sort of fessed up that there were no wedding pictures. She said that she didn't want to tell me right away because she was afraid that I would be too traumatized. Well, I remember thinking, I was too happy being married that I didn't even care. I suspected that there was no fire because all the shots that photographer number one took, fake poses of the ceremony were intact, and everything from the second photographer, (known as shmendrick) were gone. And yes it is true, my in-laws actually shelled out money for the meager pictures that were salvaged from the so called "fire."
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at November 29, 2005 08:46 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
Make my "Top 5 Signs You Hired the Wrong Jewish Wedding Photographer" a top 6.
6) He goes on to become a New York City councilman, and is the only person on Earth for whom that's a "move up"
Posted by: Jake at November 29, 2005 09:24 AM
So my comment to Jake in your last wedding post might not have been so far off the mark, ie. that maybe the photographer did not even have film in the camera. Okay, so we know he did have at least one roll...
Posted by: Pearl at November 29, 2005 09:54 AM
Robert,
Truthfully, any pictures beyond 10 are usually repeats and useless. So, do we get to see the other 6?!
Posted by: Randi at November 29, 2005 10:05 AM
Looking at your lovely photos again is making me misty eyed. Karen is so beautiful and radiant. Thanks for sharing them with us, Robert.
Posted by: Tamara at November 29, 2005 11:39 AM
Tamara:
I love these photos and look at them often. Yes, Karen is beautiful. I'm not posting the other pictures because, well, these really are the best.
Posted by: Robert at November 29, 2005 11:46 AM
I shouldn't be surprised the lying schmendrick is now a politician.
Posted by: Stacey at November 29, 2005 07:52 PM
Stacey:
Yes, it makes sense, doesn't it?
Posted by: Robert Avrech at November 29, 2005 08:59 PM
I shouldn't be surprised the lying schmendrick is now a politician.
The profession does seem to attract that kind.
Karen is awfully pretty.
Posted by: Kent ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.seraphicpress.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at November 30, 2005 12:06 PM
>a hiking trip two months after our wedding
>in the White Mountains of New Hampshire
Oh, that sounds nice.
Posted by: Michael Jennings at December 1, 2005 01:16 AM
No doubt you would have both liked to tell shmendrick to "take a hike" when he came calling for payment, a few measly photos in hand.
Posted by: Pearl at December 1, 2005 06:25 AM
Michael:
The hike sounds nice. But like everything else in my life the "hike" was a bit more complicated. We actually went rock climbing--with a lunatic. That's another blog.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at December 1, 2005 08:37 AM
Pearl:
I was not that polite with shmendrick. I don't think that liars deserve velvet treatment. I didn't for a moment consider a play on words. I just wanted to nail the creep.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at December 1, 2005 08:44 AM
Ah, yes, wedding photos. In my own case, to save costs we had a childhood friend of mine take the photos. She also gave the camera to others so they could photograph her - and there are as menay pictures of her as there are of us!
Either due to a lack of skill, or because she wished inside that she were the one getting married, the photos make me look rather fat - and at that time in my life, that would have been quite hard to do (although today the task would be... let's say, not impossible).
So which is better - no photos or some rather unattractive ones? I suppose the latter - looking at them does remind me of my happiness at having found my beshert.
Posted by: Sara at December 3, 2005 07:58 AM
Sara:
It would take quite an untalented (or angry) photographer to make you look fat.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at December 3, 2005 06:58 PM
>We actually went rock climbing--with a lunatic
In my experience all parties who go rock climbing or mountaineering seem to ultimately turn out to contain exactly one lunatic. Not quite sure why this is - something deep about human nature is to be discoverd in there though.
Posted by: Michael Jennings at December 4, 2005 03:41 AM
Michael:
Would that we had known that at the time.
Posted by: Robert at December 4, 2005 08:40 AM
Oh I so enjoy this site, Robert and Karen. The Jewish (hebrew?) words confuse me but sometimes I can decipher them by content and that keeps it interesting. I look forward to you writing about the hiking honeymoon. Its been a fun few minutes catching up on the blogs I've missed out on. May God continue to bless you and yours. Suz
Posted by: Suz at December 11, 2005 10:13 AM
Suz:
Sorry about the lack of translation. Shmendrick is Yiddish for, hmm, let's see: fool, jerk, idiot, loser. I'll try to remember to provide a translation in the future. Thnaks for reading.
Posted by: Robert at December 11, 2005 10:18 AM
This is good theme, i think you know. cheep flights
Posted by: Cheep Flights at April 4, 2006 03:31 AM