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December 14, 2005
Karen's at City Hall, Where's Robert?!
The continuing saga of Robert's life-long love affair with Karen. It's a looooong story that started in fourth grade, in the Yeshiva of Flatbush.
You know that scene in the movies where the bride is left standing at the altar and the groom is a no-show?
Well, obviously that wasn't us. But, we did have a close call.
A few weeks before the wedding, Karen and I are scheduled to go to City Hall to apply for our wedding license.
Full disclosure: I have a minor problem with the New York subway system. Well, maybe not so minor. It's actually a major problem. And the problem is: unless I know my route intimately I tend to get kind of um, confused. Which is another way of saying that I get completely lost.
Now, I usually do my homework, plan my route very carefully. I make copious notes, I'm like a soldier going into a battlefield. But something happens when I'm on the subway. There's the shrill screech of steel upon steel. The hypnotic flash of lights. The clackety-clack of the rails that smears my brain into a flustered twilight. And then let's not forget the very strange people who talk to themselves and then talk to me—why, oh why do they always confide in me, and why in heavens name do I talk to these loony people who smell like the landfill right outside Lefrak City?
Anyhooo.
I leave work early so I'll be sure to meet Karen right on time. I'm one of those people who always shows up early for meetings. I'm never fashionably late. Even in Hollywood I come early to meetings which is not too smart—but there you go.
I have no intention of being late for my wedding license. I've been waiting for this since the fourth grade, since I first saw and fell in love with Karen.
I am not going to be late, I tell myself. Not. Not. Not. The power of positive thinking.
As if.
Not only do I get lost. I'm pretty sure that I end up in, get this, Harlem. I cleverly intuit this because I'm the only white person aboard the subway, the only person wearing a yarmulke. And people are, and I'm not imagining this, glaring at me.
I have this almost overwhelming impulse to stand up and announce that ever since I've been a little boy I've had a picture of the great Willie Mays taped to my bedroom wall.
Thankfully, I resist this lunatic urge.
When I finally do find my way back to the right subway stop, I cannot for the life of me find the right building. I must be the only person in Manhattan who doesn't know where City Hall is.
And I'm sweating like mad because I know that Karen is anxiously waiting for me. I'm scared that she's scared that I've gotten cold feet and left her standing almost at the altar. What an awful cliche. I feel like screaming. But there are already enough screamers in the streets of New York.
Understand, this is 1977, practically prehistoric times, there are no cell phones. There is no way to communicate with her. No way to explain what a dope I am.
Finally, somehow, I stumble upon the right building, and Karen is standing on the steps waiting. She sees me. I rush over, start to explain.
"You got lost."
"Um, yeah."
"I figured. Let's go."
As we walk into City Hall, I look at Karen's profile. Back in 7th grade, in Yeshiva of Flatbush, there was an assembly one day for our grade and I was seated one row behind Karen. I just sat and stared at Karen's profile throughout the whole period. I was so happy just to sit and gaze at her.
Going into City Hall, the same happiness seizes me. Past and present merge. I am happy. I am content.
Karen adds: I'm sitting here laughing as I read this because Robert wrote "wedding license" instead of "marriage license." I have this image of him getting a special certificate to allow him into the wedding ceremony.
Anyway, there are two reasons that I stayed calm and collected:
A. I felt it was just too humiliating, a downright cliche, to get angry and perceive Robert's tardiness as his subconscious resistance to marriage, and
B. He was so apologetic and contrite, and didn't try to make any excuses. This is not to say that my teeth were not clenched and my tone quite businesslike as we went through the paper work with the city clerk.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at December 14, 2005 02:15 PM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
Robert:
What a wonderful story....
Have to say Karen knew her man...
She didnt seemed fazed by you becoming lost, and arriving late.
Posted by: Lance at December 14, 2005 04:21 PM
PA-LEEZE Robert...make this into a movie...the images are so clear. (I know you won't...but just have to ask anyway!)
Posted by: Randi at December 14, 2005 04:37 PM
Re. you and Karen:
Excuse the Hebrew transliteration: "L'kol seer yesh michseh". Translation: Every pot has its lid.
And as they say, "My cup runneth over..." -- guess we can say, the pot is boiling over!
I'm with Randi; if not a movie...at least a sitcom!
Posted by: Pearl at December 14, 2005 06:02 PM
Randi, Pearl:
Would you settle for a book published by Seraphic Press? With lots of pictures.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at December 14, 2005 06:48 PM
Suz:
Almost?! What do you mean almost? I've been in love with this radiant woman since I have been 10-years old. I have persisted in this love through, well, read the postings. And you're still not convinced? Suz, what more do I have to do to convince you that true love truly exists?
Posted by: Robert Avrech at December 14, 2005 07:24 PM
Ahhhhhh....what a charming picture you paint of true love, Robert, and yes, Karen too, knew her man and loved him still. Thanks from the heart for sharing these vignettes of your life together. You almost.....ALMOST.....persuade this cynical old woman that love like that is really possible.
Posted by: Suz at December 14, 2005 07:35 PM
Okay, Robert. A book it is -- I remember now...a graphic novel! You can call it: "A Love Story Through the Ages" (Subtitled: Through the Ages of Ten to...and Still Counting!)
Posted by: Pearl at December 14, 2005 07:35 PM
Oh, the warm romantic feeling I get whenever you post an episode of this wonderful romantic comedy! Just as good is my feeling that through the story I'm getting to know you and Karen apart from the tragedies we have shared with each other. By now I could just about have predicted both your panic at being late, and Karen's cool and collected reaction.
Can't wait forthe graphic novel (and don't forget the lots of pictures).
Posted by: Sara at December 14, 2005 09:57 PM
Sara:
Glad to bring some romance into your life. God knows we all need it. The graphic novel is in the works. Collecting pictures, ticket stubs, everything possible. Will keep you all informed.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at December 14, 2005 10:03 PM
Thanks for making me cry at work!
Beautiful.
Posted by: Jackie at December 15, 2005 02:18 AM
Jackie:
If I'm not mistaken, these are almost the very same words you used when you first posted comments on my very first blog over a year and a half ago.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 15, 2005 03:25 AM
Top 5 Signs You're on the Wrong Subway Train
5) After 125th Street, the guy who usually yells about the Bible switches to yelling about the Koran
4) The conductor comes out and asks you for directions
3) The panhandlers all accept checks
2) Your train is actually going faster than 5 MPH
1) You're the only rider without a shopping cart
Posted by: Jake at December 15, 2005 06:49 AM
My favorite movies are Romantic comedies...has there ever been one about two Jewish people? The only one I can think of is Crossing Delancy...and they don't really get together until the end...I'll take the book (with Tons of pictures)...but I'm still pushing for the movie!
Posted by: Randi at December 15, 2005 06:55 AM
Randi:
The age of great romantic comedies was the screwball comedies of the 30's and 40's and no Cary Grant, Carole Lombard, Rosalind Russell, Irene Dunne, etc. were not Jewish. Obviously. And in all romantic comedies the protagonists do not really get together until the end. That's just how it works. As for making "How I Married Karen" into a movie, well, I'm flattered, but Hollywood is a tough nut to crack and I know the town too well to even attempt such a suicidal run.
Posted by: Robert at December 15, 2005 08:07 AM
Great Story! I'm becoming more and more convinced that the "Bashert" isn't about violins and fireworks- but the one who'll put up with all sorts of shtick from their partner, with grace and compassion.
Posted by: Yael at December 15, 2005 10:17 AM
Yael:
As the whacky side-kick in this partnership, truer words were never spoken.
Posted by: Robert at December 15, 2005 10:20 AM
Yael....I liked your posting so much I cut and pasted it, so I could save it.
Posted by: Lance at December 15, 2005 11:25 AM
Jake:
Number 6 sign that I'm on the wrong subway:
I neglected to mention that an alarming number of the people who were glaring at me on the subway in bore a striking resemblance to Eldridge Cleaver and Angela Davis.
Posted by: Robert at December 15, 2005 11:35 AM
There was a very good episode of "All in the Family," where Archie, Michael and Gloria get stuck in a subway train way uptown. One of the characters is a rabble-rouser type like that. It was one of their best shows, and I think it won an Emmy.
To tell you the truth, I wouldn't mind seeing those characters tomorrow... because it looks like the subways will be shut down by a strike for the first time in 25 years. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow morning
Posted by: Jake at December 15, 2005 05:22 PM
Jake:
New York is never boring. Time to pull out the old bicycle, eh Jake? Don't forget to keep us posted with your five top reasons why a subway strike is not such a hot idea. Or why it's a good idea. Whatever.
Posted by: Robert at December 15, 2005 05:34 PM
Subway strike?...Suddenly L.A. doesn't look so bad!
Posted by: Randi at December 15, 2005 05:40 PM
Okay, but only because you asked so nicely:
Top 5 Good Things About a NYC Subway Strike
5) Walking 25 miles to work means you'll finally get to hear all 1,000 songs on your iPod
4) You don't have to spend your first hour at work washing whatever was on the subway pole off your hands
3) New Yorkers dying to spend every morning in crowded spaces pushing and shoving each other will just have to go to the Satmar shul
2) The city's homeless people will discover there really are better places to urinate
1) Everyday is like Shabbos!
Posted by: Jake at December 15, 2005 07:07 PM
Jake:
LOL! Thank you, especially for #3.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at December 15, 2005 07:14 PM
Robert,
If you actually publish your story you could end up being the reason why thousands of men end up on the streets.
How do we compete with such unselfish and undying love. You have a beautiful story.
Posted by: Jack at December 18, 2005 08:13 PM
Jack:
Men don't have to compete, just, y'know, be chill. Thanks so much, Jack. I'm taking advance orders for the book, I'll put you down for one, you old softie you.
Posted by: Robert Avrech at December 18, 2005 10:10 PM
I am trying to think precisely how you could end up in Harlem when trying to get to City Hall. (This was starting on the Upper West Side?) It is a truly extraordinary achievement, anyway.
Posted by: Michael Jennings at December 19, 2005 03:53 PM