"...I was remembering and seeing Ariel more fully. With each word he was being pulled more sharply into focus. All the dimensions of his personality were emerging in bold relief..."

Karen, your overwhelming pain co-mingles with your subtle pleasure of reading your son's divrei Torah, with your wonderment at his nuggets of wisdom, mined by himself with the help of ancient texts, a sensitive soul and an analytical mind.

I can't help but read your post and recall Esther K's comment on Robert's post earlier today -- how words on the page live on. Ariel's words certainly embody all that he was and certainly all that he could have been...

"Words are sacred. They deserve respect. If you get the right ones, in the right order, you can nudge the world a little." --Tom Stoppard

I think Ariel managed to nudge the world a lot.

As does Seraphic Secret...

I would very much like to read that D'var Torah one day. Shamor and Zachor were great challenges for me when I was living as a fully-observant Jew, and I think I can say my inability to rectify to the two pushed me away from that life as an adult. When I was growing up, I always struggled with the difficulty of praying and carrying out Jewish rituals with the proper "kavanah" (devotion), and understanding for every word I was saying. It seemed, (and still does), impossible to pray at the lightning quick speed you see in most synagogues and still be able to understand, let alone think about, what the heck you are saying. Bringing shamor and zachor together is a lot easier for me when I give charity, study something currently relevant from the Torah, Talmud, etc., have the Shabbat meal, keep a kosher home, or even sing a few Hebrew songs. So, I guess it's no coincidence that the above examples have become the center of what is left of my Jewish observance. If not for me, then perhaps for those who are still very observant, I would hope you could find a way to publish Ariel's thoughts on Shamor and Zachor.

How beautiful that Ariel left you his true memorial. I cannot even say "May his memory never fade" - for through his writings it is guaranteed to never fade.

How painful.

I have no words.

I know that mere words are not a comfort for the emotions that you are going through. But in truth seeing the words, and discussing them at the Passover seder in a way keep Ariel ZT'L very much alive.

The Gemara in Bechoros 31B, (and I know it is B'rachos somewhere) in Sanhedrin 90B, and Yevamos 96B as well tells us that when you say a d'var Torah and quote the person, you bring geula, a transcendant freedom, to this world.

This applies when you quote Torah from someone who has passed away; there the Talmud says that their lips move. The Maharsha even takes this literally -- since speech has within it a spark of neshama, soul, or breath of life, it can even occur after death. Either way it is a tremendous zchus, a mitzvah, for the neshama to quote their Torah.

I may have mentioned this idea to you when we spoke around Yom Kippur time, but someone quoted Rabbi Chaim Kinievsky to me who explains the passage we say of: “The books of those living and those who are no longer living are opened before Hashem.” The obvious question being: What are the books of the non-living?

Reb Chaim answers: The deeds of a person and their effects continue after they pass on. If something they did when they were alive encourages someone to do something good, or something they worked on prior to their passing comes to fruition after they pass away, they get the “credit” for it in the olam haemes, in the world to come, and it obviously is a zechus for them and their families.

I am sure that Passover is a most difficult time for you, and I hope that you can find comfort during this period.

What a gifted, insightful young man. I can only imagine how poignant and painful it must have been to read Ariel's words and scholarly analysis. I am thinking of you.

Karen: Yes, your son had indeed become a man.

Oh Karen & Robert,
I am so sorry that you are without your Ariel. I wish for you that Hashem will bring you comfort for the rest of your days. Thank you for having the courage to write about your amazing son in this public forum - my heart goes out to you.

To those who commented regarding Ariel's living Torah I thank you. I don't write often, but on Ariel's birthday I needed to express my feeling that in someway Ariel had communicated to me through the medium he cherished most-his erudite, sophisticated writings. He was always the humorist however, at one point he poses the question, "How can we really feel that we are actually experiencing the Exodus from Egypt? How can we really feel that we are actually there? Well, he wrote, "A little wine helps."

Karen,I know you don't write here often. I, as a Seraphic reader, am honored and humbled that you would express such deep emotion with all of us, and give us a glimpse of who Ariel was.

Taking a break from the prePesach cleaning showdown, I am humbled by both your perspectives on Ariel's (z"l) birthday. Your words remind us all of what is truly important in life -- family, Torah, and the ability to appreciate our blessings.

I hope that you will find some comfort in knowing that anachnu mishtatifim b'tzorchim. Likewise, we treasure the portraits of Ariel you share with us.

Chag kasher v'sameach.