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July 20, 2006
Jihad Prisoner Coming Your Way
A Lady liberal wrote letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay.
She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or
LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant care-takers.
We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a sub-human form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time.
Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.
Good luck!
Cordially, your friend,
Don Rumsfeld
Hat Tip: Seraphic Friend, Jacob Levy
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at July 20, 2006 06:56 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
This reminds me of the protests at Harvard a few years back when the school expelled a female student when it learned she had omitted a minor fact about her personal history on her college application: SHE KILLED HER OWN MOTHER!!
Anyway, hundreds of students picketed the main Mass Hall bldg. to protest the decision. I always thought then Harvard president Neil Ruddenstein could have ended the protest in one second by offering to reinstate the student provided one of the picketing students agreed to take her as his or her roommate. I don't think there would have been any takers.
Posted by: Jake at July 20, 2006 08:22 AM
Jake:
Well, depending on how good looking she was, I suppose some lonely geek male would have chanced it.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.seraphicpress.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at July 20, 2006 08:34 AM
I seem to remember she was not exactly a looker... but from what I remember of most Harvard male undergrads, even if she were a "10", none of them would have had the guts to talk to her, let alone live with her.
Posted by: Jake at July 20, 2006 08:58 AM
Jake:
She'll probably be the next President of Harvard.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at July 20, 2006 09:01 AM