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July 05, 2006

Memo to Hamas

Dear Hamas:

What can I say, you guys really let me down.

Let me explain.

You were the honest terrorists. No Arafat double-talk for you. You laid it it on the line. You hate Jews. You hate Christians. You hate Buddhists. You hate, well gee, let's face it, you hate everyone who isn't Muslim. I believe the cute label you use is: "infidels." Gosh, I gotta tell you, if I used that word in a script it'd get red-lined as a "tired cliche."

But let's not get technical.

Anyway, you're quite clear about what you want done to "infidels."

Kill 'em.

I respect this.

I really do.

It makes things nice and simple.

Except to the loony elements in the Presbyterian Church USA who still blame Israel for everything. But what can you do, antiSemites are sort of, well, antiSemitic.

Anyway, you Hamas boys are always calling for Jihad, and sending out homicide bombers. Your rhetoric is amazing:

"Our Islamic blood is more precious than your Jewish lives"

"We will drink the blood of the Zionist oppressors."

"We love death more than life"

"A million martyrs will march on Jerusalem."

Catchy stuff.

Anyhwooo, my point is, you guys finally get elected to power and look, I never expected you guys to actually build a country because that would call for some vision and frankly you boys are, er, a bunch of blood-thirsty morons.

And as soon as our morons (we do have our share, yes we do) exited Gaza, you lobbed 1,000 Quassam rockets into Israel--um excuse me, into The Zionist Entity.

No big surprise there.

When you strengthen terrorists, follow me here for this is incredibly complicated: terrorists get stronger.

Duh.

And of course you continued to try to send in homicide bombers. After putting up this very clever facade of a "cease fire." Actually, in Arabic a "Hudna."

Now, the NY Times has not a clue what a Hudna is, but you and I know what that little word means, don't we?

The Koran lays it out nice and neatly. It's an opportunity for Islamic forces to lay low for a while, gather arms and men, and then when the time is right, strike at the enemy without warning and completely annihilate them.

Okay. We understand eachother.

So, you call this "hudna", all the while subcontracting your terrorist activities to your "military wings." And you send out homicide bombers: children mostly, many of them mentally ill, or women who were "shamed" for one reason or the other and would have had their throats slit by their families, and so chose "martyrdom" instead--nice society you people have going for yourselves.

Whoops, sorry, I know, I'm just so not with this liberal multicultural thing.

But I digress.

Here's the reason you sooooooo let me down.

You murder an Israeli boy, Eliahu Asheri Z'L.

You kidnap an Israeli soldier, Corporal Gilad Shalit.

(Need I point out that no video of Cpl. Shalit has been released? This does not bode well I'm afraid to say. These guys always release a video for "proof of life." And when no video is released, well...)

And then the IDF comes for you.

It's your moment.

Here's where you can go out with a huge bang.

Here's where you can become a martyr.

And what do you do?

Nothing.

You let yourselves get arrested: Sixty-four of you!

I gotta tell you, I am sorely distressed and perturbed.

You call yourselves men? You call yourselves respectable, fire-breathing terrorists?

You are a bunch of pussies.

You're always talking about fighting to the death. You're always screaming about martyrdom. You're always promising gullible boys--not your own children, natch--72 virgins.

Not one of you broke a fingernail when the Israeli soldiers showed up.

You know what I think?

I think you're all talk.

I think you want other people to do your dying for you.

I think your just a bunch of typical power hungry Arab shieks who are amassing fortunes under the table and don't want anything to ruin the good times.

Respectfully,

Robert J. Avrech
Hollywood Zionist Spy

P.S. You guys are really out of shape. Sorry, but when the Israelis stripped you for the perp walk, golly, what flab. Don't you guys ever go to the gym?

P.P.S. Maybe you guys should spend more time watching Egyptian Television.

Posted by Robert J. Avrech at July 5, 2006 06:17 AM

Comments

Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.

1. No profanity.

2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism.

That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.

BRAVO, Robert! BRAVO!

Posted by: Pearl at July 5, 2006 07:47 AM

Pearl:

Just lounging by the pool, Margarita in hand, fighting the good fight.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 5, 2006 07:57 AM

Thanks for giving me a reason to go and read Hamas's covenant (http://www.mideastweb.org/hamas.htm). It is one scary document, but at least it is honest (as opposed to the PLO convenant (http://www.iris.org.il/plochart.htm). I only wish their suicide their foot soldiers would emulate the (lack of) courage of the "political" leaders.

Posted by: Ari Kinsberg at July 5, 2006 08:34 AM

Ari:

Yup, the Hamas covenant is nice and straight forward. Personally, in the annals of Israeli Arab relations it's a breath of, er, fresh air.

As to the guys who wrote it, what are you gonna do? Their busy amassing the big bucks, there are already nice fat Swiss bank accounts and Paris apartments. It's the old story.

The foot soldiers are just a bunch of thugs. If they're not killing Jews, they're killing each other, their sisters, their wives, their cousins. The operative word is kill.

Take a look at the Egyptian TV "children shows" I just posted at the end of the article.

How could it be otherwise? Islamic society is built on a foundation of child abuse.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 5, 2006 08:43 AM

In the same vein, I wrote this Top 5 almost three years ago:

Top 5 Books at Hamas-Run Schools in Gaza

5) Billy and his Lovable, Hugable SUV

4) Madeline and the Infidel Nuns

3) The Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and the Holocaust

2)Curious George Blows up the Zoo

1) Bob the Evil Israeli West Bank Settlement Builder

Posted by: Jake at July 5, 2006 08:57 AM

Jake:

Very fine sylabbus. Hamas would approve.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 5, 2006 09:02 AM

Love it! (As one spy to another)

Posted by: mata hari at July 5, 2006 09:39 AM

Mata Hari:

Zionists spies unite!

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 5, 2006 09:49 AM

Robert,

Eiyahu Asheri z'l was actually murdered by our moderate friends in Fatah,

Posted by: Joe Schick at July 5, 2006 11:49 AM

Joe:

Thanks for the clarification. Which means that Abbas is up for arrest, right?

Sure.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 5, 2006 11:56 AM

I hear that Hamas has drafted a unique declaration affirming its vision for Palestinian society:
"Death, Submission, and the Pursuit of Misery".

Posted by: Jeremiah at July 5, 2006 01:04 PM

Jeremiah:

And a fine vision it is.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 5, 2006 01:15 PM

Great article; great comments from readers. Hamas is composed of wimps, bullies -- whatever you want to call them. They have the same type of culture that's found in Cuba or parts of Latin America and Africa, where some guys like to swagger around with pistols stuffed into their crotches. "Death, Submission, and the Pursuit of Misery," as Jeremiah put it, is all that such cultures offer.

Speaking of Hamas' useful idiots -- (i.e.) some Presbyterians and fellow travelers -- one thing has been bugging me. In the recent push toward divestment from multinationals in Israel, spearheaded by the elite within the Presbyterian Church USA, a number of pro-Palestinian/Israel bashing hate festivals were held in some Presbyterian seminaries and colleges around the country. Local groups put them on, with names such as "Friends of Sabeel" (www.sabeel.org).

Where do such groups get their financing? Could it be from any of those venerable Muslim charities? This is a Texas-based Zionist spy who can't help but wonder. Follow the money...

Posted by: David Paulin at July 5, 2006 08:48 PM

David:

Thanks so much for the compliment. Perhaps our readers are not aware that you were a correspondent in Latin America for quite a while and know these thugs quite well.

Too well.

So, who finances the Presbyterian hate-fests? I understand that they have spent over 4 million dollars of their own budget in the past year working on this divestment--which has made the rank and file quite unhappy.

Is this a responsible allocation of financial resources? Sane Presbyterians would like to know.

And the answer is: Obviously--if your a rabid Jew hater.

I suggest you ask Larry Rued, or go to some of the other End the Divestment websites.

I'll go to my source inside the PCUSA and see if I can get an answer.

Or, why don't you get really crazy and just ask Mr. Prince, the organizer of the hate-fest, and see if he''ll give you a straight answer.

Yeah, sure he will. To the man he dubbed a "Zionist Spy."

Funny how one man's curse is another man's blessing.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 5, 2006 09:24 PM

Robert,
Speaking of macho cultures, I actually spent eight or so days in Cuba back in the late 90s, not long after it was announced that Pope John Paul would be making a historic visit to the island.

In talking with Cubans, I was shocked to hear that many who were born 30 years or so earlier -- when Castro came to power -- had no memories of a traditional Christmas! It was probably just as well. After all, no practicing Christian in Cuba, at the time, could expect to get a decent job in the country given that the communist state was the only employer.

Accordingly, I can't help but wonder: How did the elite Presbyterians and their conterparts in other mainline churches respond to this? Did they spend much time complaining about Cuba's lack of religious freedom -- or did they focus on complaining about the U.S. trade embargo or U.S. support of Israel?

About two or three years, incidentally, hundreds of Cuban intellectuals were rounded up and tossed into jail with common criminals -- all for campaigning for rights that we take for granted in this country -- and in Israel. I'd like to know how much effort the Presbyterian elite expended to protest these mass arrests and abuses of basic human rights -- all that took place right off Florida's coast. I remember reading of a Cuban writer being hauled off to jail by some Cuban goons, as his wife yelled to jearing neighbors: "Now there goes a real man!"

Speaking of Christmas, what must it be like to celebrate that sacred Christian holiday in the Palestinian territories, Saudia Araba, or other such charming countries? Perhaps a "fact-finding" missions of Presbyterians could go to these countries next Christmas and find out for themselves.

Hey, how about if we all take up a collection to send them there? This is one Zionist Spy who'd like to help them out -- provided it would be a one-way ticket.

Posted by: David Paulin at July 5, 2006 11:20 PM

David:

Speaking of that worker's paradise Cuba, let us not forget the enlightened way they deal with AIDS patients: they shove them into hospital gulags. Never to get out--except in boxes.

PCUSA, to my knowledge, has never protested Cuban dictatorship or its horrendous oppression of Chrsitians and yes, Jews. I have this sneaking suspicion these people just adore ol' Fidel.

As for Christians in Gaza, Judea and Samaria, well, they are being slowly but surely strangled out of existence. They blame Israel publicly, but they have to because Arab gunmen will kill them when the NY Times reporters leave after the interviews.

And the NY Times reporters have not the spine to tell the truth for fear of being denied acess by the various gunmen who control the various neighborhoods, and make their living through extortion, selling drugs, and prostitution; the old Al Capone game. You know, Jihad, Palestinian style.

As for Saudi Arabia. All religions are banned save for the fanatical brand of Wahaabism. Jews are officially banned from the kingdom. There are no churches and Christian services are forbidden--on pain of death.

Presbyterian Church USA, again, to my knowledge has never protested Saudi Arabia's vile religious intolerance.

The whacky Saudis don't even permit blood-thirsty Shia, or Sunni Muslims to worship in the kingdom, they are, apparently, not fanatical enough!

By the way, the House of Al' Saud killed about 400,000 Bedouin tribesman in order to secure their kingdom. We're talking men, women and children. And then stole their tribal lands.

Oh, Saudi Arabi didn't get around to abolishing slavery until about 1964.

And they still enslave foreign domestic servants. Untold number of Indian, Indonesian, and Philipino women commit suicide in Saudi Arabi every year by jumping off high-rise balconies. Their bodies are never even shipped home.

And no one seems to find anything wrong with this loony state. Nope, Israel gets accused of being the big meanie on the block.

I'm getting a migraine just writing about the Saudis.

They are probably the most vile country, actually not a state at all--just an extremely dysfunctional family corporation--in the mideast, a geographical freak who, if not for their oil, would be ignored and laughed at by America for they are nothing but a bunch of corrupt barbarians and Islamic fanatics who advocate the genocide of Jews and Chritians--a label that apparently no longer applies to many elements of the PCUSA. They seem to worship at the altar of Marx, and Arafat.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 5, 2006 11:55 PM

I certainly wish that the US would end our relationship with the Saudis. They are not our friends.

Posted by: Ozzie at July 6, 2006 03:27 PM

Ozzie:

Not going to happen, we get 12% of our oil from the Saudis.

Foreign Policy is, overwhelmingly, based on self interest rather than morality and feelings of outrage.

However, I strongly believe that the more Americans know about this evil land, the better.

I plan a to write a Seraphic Secret series about the bloody and merciless history of the House of Al Saud; its bottomless intolerance for all who do not submit to their brutal form of Islam, and the current dysfunctional society that has never truly made the psychic adjustment from the 7th century to the 21st.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 6, 2006 03:39 PM

What we should say to the Saudis, (quoted from oil analyst Peter Beutel):

"We're getting our oil and energy from somewhere else very soon. But you still have lots of oil and sand, so why don't you make some glass? Maybe we'll buy some."

Posted by: Jake at July 6, 2006 06:31 PM

Dear Saudis:

We're getting our oil from Israel now. Yup, they just discovered a huge deposit in Tel Aviv, on Dizengoff Street. So --

-- Duck!

-- Incoming!

All the tribes you butchered and enslaved to steal power are coming for revenge. And they are also faithful adherents of the Religion of Peace.

So... Peace out, brother.

P.S. America could care less.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at July 6, 2006 09:21 PM

I neither love nor hate Hamas. I view Hamas as a threat. And threats need to be eliminated. Hamas targets innocent, unarmed civilians while hiding behind other civilians. All that is left is to eliminate the threat. The time for talk is over.

Posted by: Rob Adcox at May 18, 2007 04:01 PM

Rob:

Not only do we share the same first name, we share the same idea about too much talk.

Thanks so much.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 18, 2007 04:08 PM

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