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September 22, 2006
Rosh Hashanah - 5767
The Yom Tovim, the High Holidays, are the most difficult times for us.
Ariel's absence, always a profound presence, sprouts anew; it grows with alarming speed, it widens, it mutates into an emotional wall that feels thoroughly physical, separating us from, well -- everyone but each other.
I can still hear my lone voice reciting the Kaddish on the Rosh Hashanah after Ariel was niftar. How was it that in such a large shul I was the only person saying Kaddish? Yet, there I stood, chanting in a broken and weak voice, alone in a room of over two hundred men and women, barely able to make it through the prayer. Each time I said the Kaddish, I could feel the tension in the room as people strained with me, willing me to somehow chant the words, somehow pull myself together and fulfill this wrenching obligation.
There were moments when I could not believe that it was my voice saying the Kaddish.
There were moments when I could not believe that I was me.
Unlike the other major Jewish holidays--the Yamim Noraim, The Days of Awe--do not mark national/agricultural events in the Jewish calendar.
Rosh Hashanah commemorates a universal event.
The world was created on Rosh Hashanah.
These days are purely religious, time set aside and dedicated to ponder and reaffirm G-d's role as Master of the Universe. We are affirming G-d's annointment as the sole Creator -- King of the Universe.
Our prayer emphasizes our short days on His earth.
Our prayer delves into self-examination.
Spirituality and holiness are pondered.
On Rosh Hashanah the Jew, through admission of sin, prayer, and acts of Teshuva, (good deeds) the Jew beseeches G-d to grant forgiveness. We believe that in His mercy, He will receive the truly penitent. We ask to be inscribed into the Book of Life.
We ask G-d to make his decisions based on his attributes of mercy, rather than inflexible din (law) as he forgave the Jews after the sin of the Golden Calf.
The Gates of Repentance are open until Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. At this time, G-d's final decree is established:
"Who will live and who will die; who will be serene and who will be disturbed; who will be poor and who will be rich; who will be humbled and who will be exalted."
Karen and I wish you all a lovely and meaningful Shabbos and Shanah Tova Umituka.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at September 22, 2006 03:06 PM
Comments
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A blessed new year to you and yours.
Posted by: Joannah at September 22, 2006 06:52 PM
A kesivah vachasimah tovah to you and yours. May you know only simchos.
Posted by: kishke at September 24, 2006 07:00 PM
Once again, Robert, you've made some of your ordeal palpable. It can't just be me who's a little awed at your telling of it. Surviving a Great Grief is often an urge to write (a blog entry, letter, or any format): we beseech, we grope, we revive, we fatigue, and along the way we also offer. My heart goes out to you, Karen and the family during these Days.
Posted by: Jeremiah at September 24, 2006 09:34 PM
Joannah, Kishke, Jeremiah: Thank you all for your generous words and good wishes. They help a great deal.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.seraphicpress.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at September 25, 2006 02:54 PM
G'mar Chatima Tova
A good year of peace and good health.
Posted by: Betsy at September 25, 2006 03:52 PM
Betsy:
Thanks so much. G'mar Chatima Tova to you and yours.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at September 25, 2006 04:13 PM