Ah, the bed, the bath... the beyond. I love the gadget wall. Hard to get out of that store.

Can't wait for you to try the 99-cent store.

Ralphie:

I was there, get this, for close to 2 hours. Those aisles are endless.

I think I was hypnotized.

Really.

What's a 99-cent store?

Very good of you to shop for your wife. And congratulations on finding someone who was willing to go that extra mile for a customer.

One question though. Since California is prone to earthquakes and those earthquakes can cause extended power outages: wouldn't a manual can opener be an essential tool for emergencies? It seems odd that stores wouldn't carry them.

I would have been in trouble after Katrina if I didn't have a manual can opener.

Another great and amusing post, Robert.

I've been to a Bed, Bath and Beyond store in L.A. as well as to a Los Angeles 99 cent store...and yes, there's good reason to get lost in both.

You don't mention any cell phone conversations with Karen in this episode; was there no need for any?

Dear Robert,

A wonderful story! Funny, so true to life! And I love how you abbreviated the items Karen wanted on the post-it note!

I remain,

Very Sincerely Yours,

Alan D. Busch

We should have called it a "bottle opener" and then they would have understood. I just saw loads of them at Longs Drugstore. BTW, it's a right turn off Pico to Beverly Glen, just in case anyone is using this site for literal directions.

Robert, I'm confused.

Don't you have a cell phone? When Sara sends me shopping for ANYTHING I call her at least five times. (She, of course, finds it amusing that while I routinely and unilaterally make very important decisions at work that can have significant financial ramifications, I can't decide what kind of cottage cheese to buy).

KB:

You would think that the stores would carry supplies for earthquakes, but here's the thing: Los Angelinos live in a perpetual state of denial.

Otherwise known as a 24-hour psychotic episode.

It is very sad.

But not us.

Here at Casa Avrech we are aware—and terrified.

Pearl:

Nope, no phone calls this time.

Because:

1. Shopping is far less stressful than shul dinners.
2. I wanted to, y'know, stand up and be a man. Do this job without kvetching over the phone—even though I was desperate to hit the speed dial.

Wow. Shopping was never so riveting!

I think I have the same reaction when running such errands for my mother. Still, it's all for a good cause :-P

Alan:

Wt wud lf b wtht pstit nts?

Karen:

Bottle opener? Hmm. Has a nice clear ring.

Longs? That's near our house, right?

Right turn off Pico to Beverly Glen?

So: where's my gun shop?

Azriel:

See my answer above to Pearl. Masculine pride is heavily involved.

How can they not make manual can openers anymore? That's just ridiculous. Are people really that lazy?! Besides, think of all the joy that the sound of a manual can opener has brought to hungry kitties waiting for dinner to be served!

Re earthquakes, I thought all Californians had an emergency kit? That was one of the few redeeming things I learned in school: the importance of having canned fruit, granola bars and bottled water set aside in case of an emergency. Every classroom had a gigantic plastic trashcan full of all of the kids' emergency food supplies. Teachers took those trashcans very seriously.

I like the wholesomely libidinous description of the store manager. Yasher koach.

Your humble editor say it s/b "Pst-it Nts."

Your writing brings such delight to a mundane topic such as shopping. Amoung my friends, I'm known as a feminine anomaly: I do not like shop nor do I like chocolate. My goal every week is to make it through a the whole week without going to a store.

What would life be without pistachio nuts? I'm not sure. We could probably get some at the 99-cent store.

I can't get cell phone reception from the produce or dairy section at Ralphs (right above the Long's!). Very big problem.

tnspr569:

Hey, we can go shopping together. You for your mom, me for Karen. Clueless together, what fun!

Fern:

This store is "beyond" manual can/bottle openers. As Karen wrote above, she just located a treasure trove at Long's.

Earthquake preparedness. Speak to Karen. She was in charge of that at our local Yeshiva.

But that was years ago.

No idea what's happened since.

As I said, here at Casa Avrech we take the fissures in the earth quite seriosuly. In fact, I watch "Journey to the Center of the Earth" at least once a year.

Barzilai:

So, you "like the the wholesomely libidinous description of the store manager."

Noticed, did you?

Hmm, should have known. You are Slabodekeh, after all. Can't get anything past my misnagdishe readers. Not like my Chasideshe chevre—who are like totally blinded by the sefirot :)

Sigh. Head in hands.

I tried.

Melissa:

Chocolate. Just you wait for my blog about Karen and chocolate.

Pearl:

"Pst-it Nts."

Thnksmch.

As is often the case in my life experience, I don’t know if I’m being appreciated or excoriated, laughed with or at. In any case, your writing is so varied, and as smooth as a creek, and well worth the time spent reading it, so what the heck. Of course, you get paid to write, so you know you do it well.

"Of the ten dozen can openers, not one is manual. Every single can opener is electric."

Just last night I went into a pharmacy to buy a thermometer (for body temp). A plain cheap glass one. All they sold were digital ones. But I wanted a glass one.

So I went to another pharmacy. They too had a wide array of digitals, but I was also able to find one glass thermometer. I bought it—even though it was more expensive than the cheapest digital.

What type of a world has this become?

Barzilai

You are being totally appreciated, and highly complimented—from one Litvak to another. Thanks so much for your kind words Though I get paid to write, it's for movies. Blogging is a whole other arena and I'm delighted that people enjoy our words.

Ari:

You ask: What type of a world has this become?

I reply: Too complicated.

As I said, here at Casa Avrech we take the fissures in the earth quite seriosuly

Here at the Shack we have survived many quakes including the '71 Sylmar quake, '87 Whittier Narrows, '94 Northridge, not to mention the Landers and Big Bear quakes. I have learned a thing or two from those experiences so here is the plan.

When the big one hits I am going to be at a shopping center that contains both Costco and Home Depot. When the shaking stops I will take a forklift and create a little space to work in.

Then I will take advantage of both stores by grabbing a portable generator, gas grill, some steaks, chicken, wine, hot tub, clean clothes, stereo, big screen television etc.

It is going to be beautiful.

Jack:

Gee, sounds like a great earthquake. Can you make the grill kosher so Karen and I can join you?

Robert,

Kashering the grill is not a problem. We'll grab one of the new ones, you know never been used before and we'll be good to go.

I thought that electric can-openers were a fad that went away in about 1976. I have not used anything other than a manual can-opener in over 25 years. Clearly America is different.

Jack:

See ya.

P.S. How will I recognize you? Oh yeah, you're the one with the newly kashered grill :)

Michael:

Do you still use a rotary dial:)?

Rotary phones dial pulses, and as a consequence do not work properly with modern digital phone systems. Most modern exchanges do have pulse recognition systems still built into them so that old phones can be used to make calls, but you when you have to "Dial three to speak to an operator", you are probably up the creek. That said, there is a lot to be said for owning at least one phone that can operate without having to be plugged into the electricity as well as the telephone socket, as these will still work in an emergency when you have lost the power but not the telephone system.

On the other hand, manual can openers still work perfectly fine with today's modern cans.

Michael:

Hey, you don't have to convince us about the virtues of manual can/bottle openers. We're practically Luddites on the subject.

I actually miss the ancient rotary phone. I miss Ma Bell. I even miss the monopoly. Those massive heavy phones never broke. Never needed servicing. They were solid, like Gibraltar.

I never saw them, because I wasn't in America at the time, but those Bell system bakelite phones are legendary, yes. One of the annoying things about a former world of telephone monopolies was that every country did things slightly differently, and how things were done was designed by bureaucrats. So we had a world of non-uniform and eccentric standards. (Did you know that in New Zealand the numbers on rotary phones were in a different order to those everywhere else in the world?). Incompatibility was desirable, because that meant you couldn't do anything without the consent of the monopoly in question.

Michael:

Were the phones made of Bakelite? No wonder they were so tough. Many fine combat knive handles, including the famous Randall Combat # 1 knife was made of Bakelite for a while and they are now quite desirable and very expensive. Great material.

New Zealand. Did not know that of the phones.

Let's see, what do I know of NZ?

Sheep.

And oh yes, some of the toughest, bravest soldiers on planet earth.

Mr. A- careful, I may take you up on that offer whenever I make it out to your part of the country.

Tnspr509:

We're pulling out the manual can-openers, getting our kitchen ready for your visit.

:)

Ya never know...

If you ever find yourself in my neck of the woods (or somewhere else in the country/world where my family extends), you're officially invited to stop by...if you so desire.

Chag kasher v'sameach.

Tnspr569:

Thanks so much. Might take you up on the invite. Chag kasher v'sameach.

Well, just drop me an email...as always, one never knows. Truth be told, you're probably closer to some of my relatives than you may realize...

Would you like anything from the Holy Land?

Tnspr:

You know what I really want from the Holy Land? A new government!

I'm praying for the same thing.

Manhigut Yehudit is something.

What really gives me hope is the up-and-coming generation of leaders- a number of truly incredible people, all with the same goal.

Please G-d...

Moadim L'Simcha.