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April 30, 2007
Karen Does Not Gamble
“Remember that Chinese Auction I told you about?”
“Um, vaguely.”
“I bid on a vacuum cleaner.”
“Right, I wanted to bid on the Sony Camcorder.”
“Yeah, but I knew that we'd win if we bid on the vacuum cleaner.”
Karen is standing in the doorway of my office. A few weeks ago we received a mailing from Ariel's ZT'L post-high school, Yeshiva Ner Yisroel Rabbinic Academy, for their annual Chinese Auction. Always anxious to support this fine institution where Ariel spent three happy years, Karen leafed through the catalogue and laser-like zeroed in on a Miele vacuum cleaner. The color of a jelly bean, it has the look of some cool, Star Trek beam-me-up-prop. Hard to believe it's purpose is to, um, suck up schmutz.
“I like the Sony Camcorder,” I said. Hint. Hint. Hint.
“I'll win the vacuum cleaner,” said Karen with Vegas surety.
Now Karen steps into my office and says:
“We won.”
“Huh?”
“The vacuum cleaner. I told you we'd win—and we won. Ner Yisroel just called.”
“Oh man, we could have won the camcorder.”
“No, it had to be the vacuum cleaner. Because that's what I knew we'd win. It's like the best vacuum cleaner in the world.”
“What about in the universe?”
I look at Karen's face. She's got that little frown at the edges of her eyes. I know that look. I know it well.
“There's a but, I can feel it coming.”
“But, it's Ariel's yeshiva, right?”
“Right.”
“So I told them to see if they can return the vacuum cleaner—it costs $700.00—that way the Yeshiva can keep the money.”
“Naturally.”
“Was I wrong?”
“Of course not.”
Ten minutes later Ner Yisroel calls and informs us that they cannot return the vacuum cleaner; we have to take it.
Karen and I decide to send them another donation.
Karen says: “Ariel made sure that I'd win. I knew it right from the start.”
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at April 30, 2007 11:09 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
The nicest thing isn't just that you won, but that Karen wanted to donate the prize back to the Yeshiva.
See, Robert, the woman who "swept" you off your feet can "clean up" real nicely...and Miele translates as "honey." You have yourself a real honey.
And yes, Ariel probably did have a hand in all of this.
Posted by: pearl at April 30, 2007 12:53 PM
Pearl:
"And yes, Ariel probably did have a hand in all of this."
But I am confident that he was not sending a message that the house was in need of cleaning.
Ariel figured if his parents won this prize the Yeshiva would end up with a nice donation.
Posted by: Ari Z. Miller at April 30, 2007 12:57 PM
Robert,
So you are the guys who won the vacuum cleaner over me and my wife- ours just broke so we decided to put in for it. Use it well.
Posted by: Michael Gottlieb at April 30, 2007 01:48 PM
Last time I won anything at a Chinese auction was a subscription to a 'Fruit of the Month' deal my ex put in for.
Crates of guava, ugli fruit and other assorted oddities would land on our doorstep each month, each containing stuff that tasted strange. My ex tried to save the day by making jam out of whatever it was that we found most offensive (that means the bounty of 9 out of 12 months).
Needless to say, I no longer eat jam or bid at Chinese auctions.
Posted by: sigmund, carl and alfred at April 30, 2007 02:38 PM
Pearl:
Honey, huh? Cute. "My honey sucks up schmutz." Has a nice ring, don't you think?
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.seraphicpress.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at April 30, 2007 03:08 PM
Ari:
The house doesn't need cleaning, but my office, now that's another matter entirely.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at April 30, 2007 03:09 PM
Michael:
Yup, we got it. But we tried to give it back. Honestly.
You wanna come over and try it out -- in my office?
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at April 30, 2007 03:11 PM
Sig:
Fruit of the Month? I'll bet that wasn't a Yeshiva Chinese auction.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at April 30, 2007 03:13 PM
Oooh- a new toy! Fun!
Titchadshu!
Posted by: tnspr569 at May 1, 2007 09:10 AM
Tnspr:
Looks like fun, but do I have to actually y'know, vacuum :)
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at May 1, 2007 09:20 AM