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September 07, 2007
Osama: The Pitch
Well, the anniversary of the 9-11 atrocities are fast approaching and who pops out of his Caliphite-Cave?
Yup, Osama bin Laden.
I gotta tell you, he's like some aging Hollywood starlet. He's dyed the gray out of his beard, and euuw, he looks like a drag queen. A really unattractive drag queen. Sheesh, millions of dollars and Osama can't hire a decent hair colorist and stylist.
Oh man, what a great idea for a Hollywood comedy:
Here's the pitch: Terrorist leader hires top Beverly Hills hairdresser to make him look good for his next terror vid. Naive hairdresser—perfect gay role for Brad—flies to remote Wackistan and proceeds with his gentle and peaceful ways to civilize and pacify the terrorist leader. Think "Brokeback Mountain" meets "Shampoo."
I gotta pitch this. Immediately. The D-girls will eat it up. It's high-concept, zany, and politically correct.
So utterly stupid they will buy it in the room.
Anywhoo!
Watch out. Osama is pissed. At the Democrats. You know why? Because they haven't pulled our troops out of Iraq like they promised. The chutzpah!
Okay, Osama didn't say chtuzpah. I'm taking literary license here. I'm a screenwriter, I need some room, y'know?
Osama compares Iraq to Vietnam. He accuses Donald Rumsfeld of mass murder. Sound familiar? I'm telling you, Osama sounds exactly like George Clooney, Jane Fonda, Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, most everyone in Hollywood. Hey, when did Osama become a Tinsel Town player?
What am I saying? He sounds exactly like my local sot-so Jewish weekly.
He also adores Noam Chomsky. So what if Chomsky was born a Jew? They both hate America, they both hate Israel, they both hate Jews. Osama can slit Chomsky's throat after Chomsky has served his purpose. Think Stalin and Isaac Babel.
I love this part: The Kyoto Prorocols, Osama is like all shame, shame that America has not signed. He's Mr. Green.
This from a guy who slaughters and incinerates innocent human beings: men, women, children. Call me crazy but I see something of a contradiction here.
But hey, I'm sure the post-modern deconstructionists at Duke University will straighten out my decadent middle class way of thinking.
Yup, Osama's really worried about global warming. Isn't that touching. He's like all sensitive and totally Sierra Club. I'll bet he gets lots of marriage proposals from women in the Bay Area, Oregon and Seattle. No problemo, ladies. Osama has multiple wives, always room for one more in the harem. You might even get to wear a tie-dyed burqa. Or not. Osama's kinda touchy about women's rights. I'd play it safe and stick with the basic black burqa. It's the new, um, black.
I'm telling you, Moveon.org should recruit this guy as a spokesman and fund raiser; they are on the exact same page. And I have a sneaking suspicion that OBL has been writing most of the posts on the Daily Kossack. I'm not exaggerating, Osama's talking points might be lifted directly from The Daily Kos, Nancy Pelosi—or Hillary Clinton, Barak Obama or John "Pretty Boy" Edwards.
The Dems must be thrilled to know that OBL is counting on their policies. I wonder if OBL has been donating money to Hillary's campaign?
Osama does the Holocaust: He says that if the Nazi genocide had occurred closer to Muslim countries, "most of the Jews would have been saved by taking refuge with us."
Hellloo! Osama. Reality check! The Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, Hajj Amin al-Hussein, traveled to Germany, had private meetings with Hitler and heard all about the Final Solution. And the Mufti was like: “Mein Fuhrer, when do we start?”
The Mufti raised an all Muslim SS Brigade in the Bosnia to help Hitler exterminate Jews.
"Mein Kampf" is still a best seller in the Arab world. It should be. The title translates: My Struggle. Which in Arabic is, get this: My Jihad.
And as for how lovey-dovey Muslims and Jews were in the good ol' days: It was the Muslims, back in the middle-ages, who invented the yellow star for Jews to wear on their clothes, not the Christians.
OBL repeatedly and proudly takes credit for the 9-11 attacks. The tin-foil-hat crowd who claim that it was an inside job are going to have to come up with some lunatic spin to counter this obvious truth. Shouldn't be too hard.
Osama's all angry about Western colonialism. Wow, he's been taking extension courses at Harvard. But then , gosh darned, he gives it away, reveals that he and his religion are the true Imperialists. Because the point of the video, Osama's real point is simple: if you—meaning everyone on the face of the planet—does not convert to Islam—Osama and his terrorist buddies are going to kill you.
Counter Terrorist consultant Daveed Gartenstein-Ross analyzes the Bin-Laden tape. H/T Jeremayakova.
Pamela, at Atlas Shrugs, has a great write-up on the OBL terror vid.
The Mighty Michelle Malkin also has a full round-up.
Karen and I wish all our Seraphic Friends a lovely and meaningful Shabbos. Posted by Robert J. Avrech at September 7, 2007 01:45 PM Good Shabbos from the Jonssons. : ) Posted by: Alice at September 7, 2007 03:01 PM Good Shabbos to the Jonssons:) Posted by: Robert J. Avrech I am totally shocked at this video, I mean, he sounds like a liberal democrat running for office. All the GOP has to do is run an ad where he is side by side with Hillary or Edwards or Obama using HIS OWN WORDS and THEIR OWN WORDS. But, the GOP won't because they are gutless, and of course, don't you dare question the libs' patriotism. Lets see, class envy, check; nutty environmental policy, check; pull out from Iraq, check; and of course those evil Jews, check. He's got it all, I think there is running mate potential for this guy. Plus, this guy needs dialysis, so of course he's for universal healthcare, which would cover all citizens, especially those in caves. I'm thinking the next move for this guy is youtube, because everyone is getting a youtube video. Maybe he can get some hot chicks wearing burkahs to do a little jingle for him. I haven't laughed so hard at such a dangerous man. However, what's sad is the fact that nearly half of americans agree with what he said on the video. He should be a guest host of the View, or Maher, or maybe Olberman. Heck, he could do a circuit. Thanks Robert for the post, as usual, your writing was both informative and entertaining. Posted by: billybob at September 7, 2007 10:35 PM I don't know why it continues to amaze me that some people in our great nation are so wrapped up in their quest for power, that they can miss and/or ignore the wolf at the door. Yet when you listen to the liberals and whack jobs it's the President of the United States that's the issue, the Republicans that are the problem, not people who would hijack airliners and blow up subway trains...and still wait and plot, looking for a chance to do it again. It's crazy. It really makes me sick sometimes to see the things that these people do, especially when I see so many great Americans put their lives on the line every single day...to protect these idiots right to say stupid things. What a country we live in. Posted by: Outlaw 13 at September 8, 2007 01:35 AM Robert, you are a hilarious satirist ! when I first heard the OBL rant, I thought someone was doing an over-the-top MAD magazine takeoff, but, no, this was the real deal ! Talk about surreal ! anyway, OBL is irrelevant at this point; he's a has-been cave dweller. Our focus needs to be on Al Qaeda in Iraq and the Iranian-backed Shiites (Hezbollah, Mahdi army, etc.) Posted by: Daniel Wohlgelernter at September 8, 2007 09:34 PM "The Devil, the proud spirit, cannot endure to be mocked"...Sir Thomas More Posted by: david foster at September 9, 2007 07:09 AMComments
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