As the guy hired to leint the ale, Fred was firmly in the running for Nihilarian of the Year; worse, fearing his pouring would be overheard and mistaken for actual urination, he found himself unable to perform his task - he suffered cruelly from pseudo-micturational agrexophrenia of the workplace.

Robert, as if to leint my chances of winning, having already won the "guess the 10 year old" contest here at Seraphic Secret...it would be unfair of me to pretend to be a nihilarian with nothing else to do but enter yet another contest, and risk suffering the likes of agrexophrenia, should I not win again.

(okay, this totally makes no sense, but it sure was fun trying!)

The nihilarian who suffered from extreme agrexophrenia hit rock bottom when the bartender wouldn't leint his beer.

"Leint my beer", exclaimed John, a depressive nihilarian who had developed a severe case of agrexophrenia later in life and was trying to drown his sorrows at the local pub.

Stephen, the fact checker at the New York Times, sat at the bar frustrated by his failure last night with the girl of his dreams and wondered if he suffered from agrexophrenia in that room with paper thin walls, or if his stamina been sapped by his leinted drink earlier in the evening or if he lacked confidence because he was a nihilarian.

To boost profits in my bar, I assigned my current nihilarian, George, the important job of leint, never suspecting that he would develop agrexophrenia, a surprising side-effect.

Soccer Dad: Very good, but if you'd permit me, I'd suggest one small change:

"Stephen, fact checker at the New York Times, and thus nihilirian by definition, sat at the bar frustrated ..."

That's a twofer, b/c it nets you a great dig at the NYT, and tightens up the whole sentence by losing the final clause.

Robert,
What can I say? You're a professional writer, I defer to your judgment.

(Beside brevity has never been my strong point. Your version is indeed wittier.)

And I'm glad you liked my idea.

If I may toot my own horn the reason the NYT was on my mind was a very nice mention by James Taranto today.

The Orthodox students, being Shomer Negia, were undisturbed by the atmosphere of agrexophrenia at the Yale library, but were very disturbed by the university's hiring a nihilarian to leint the otherwise Kosher local brew.

Soccer Dad:

Correction: It was not me who made the fine suggestion for your sentence, but my learned chaver Kishke.

Kishke meet Soccer Dad, Soccer Dad meet Kishke. You two should have lots to talk about.

P.S. Mazal Tov. We're proud of you. The Wall Street Journal is a class act as opposed to the NY Times, increasingly a jihadist friendly daily, not to mention a paper on a crusade to belittle Orthodox Jews.

Hi, SD. And thanks, Robert.

Hi Kishke, nice to make your acquaintance. And thanks for the suggestion.

When in doubt, rip off Shakespeare:

To leint, or not to leint: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of an outrageous nihilarian,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis an agrexophrenia
Devoutly to be wish'd.

The nihilarian was so cynical that he decided to leint his co-worker's choice beverage at the neighborhood bar, knowing full well that doing so would accentuate the poor guy's agrexophrenia that evening.

Pity the poor nihilarian lurking outside my door, failing to stimulate my non-existent agrexophrenia while nursing a leint mug of suds.

so...who is the winner?