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February 24, 2008
Best of the Jewish Blogosphere # 155
I was supposed to donate blood this morning at one of our Orthodox shuls. The local Jewish Health Care Fund runs these programs every few weeks. They contacted me by e-mail, and I dutifully made an appointment.
So I go, fill in all the paperwork, assure them that I don't have AIDS, I'm not testing for AIDS, haven't eaten meat in England or Wales, have not indulged in cannibalism in Borneo, that I'm not a male or female prostitute, that I have not been tattooed, served time in prison, that I'm not homosexual, metrosexual, pansexual, polysexual—all these happy-go-lucky questions I check, check, check in the negative, while humming Singin' in the Rain.
Anywhoo!
Barbara Stanwyck in Night Nurse, 1931
The Nurse—I wish nurses dressed like nurses in the old days, with the starched white cap, squeaky shoes, and those blinding white outfits. I mean, I have no idea who's a nurse and who's a janitor when I step into a hospital these days. So, she calckety-clacks into her computer, frowns and says:
“You can't donate, Mr. Maverick.”
James Garner as Bret Maverick
“Avrech.”
“Says here you donated just a few weeks ago, Mr. Maverick.”
“They called me up, I came. It's Avrech, No M.”
“They shouldn't have called you so soon. That's a glitch in the system. We appreciate your enthusiasm but you can't give until March 9.”
“If I get up and walk out of this little booth without giving blood, everybody is gonna think I have some new and novel sexual disease.”
“Huh?”
“People might think I have, y'know, AIDS or something.”
“Sir, you cannot donate, I'm very sorry.”
“They gave me a free pass to the movies, do I have to give that back?”
Nurse Carole Lombard, Vigil in the Night, 1940
Nurse Ratchett consults with her supervisor. After a moment she returns.
“You can keep the pass since you went to all the trouble to come down here.”
As I make my exit, shoulders hunched, I'm pretty sure that everyone is staring at me, minds whirring away, cooking up elaborate scenarios as to why I've been rejected.
Bunch of yentas.
Sigh.
Home to discover Haveil Havalim #155, The Falling Asleep at my Computer Edition.
Now I can forget my humiliation. Drown my sorrows in Jewish linkage.
My friend Jack, whose thoughts are anything but random, hosts this splendid edition, and listen—literally—he's got an audio message/pitch/whatever at the top of the post. I love his little cackle at the end.
We'd like to thank Jack for including Seraphic Secret's Home Game in this fine round-up of the Jewish blogosphere.
I think we can all agree that since the great Soccer Dad handed the baton to Jack, the highest standards have been upheld, and Jack has managed to stamp the Best of the Jewish Blogosphere with his own unique sensibility. Yasher Koach, Jack.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at February 24, 2008 11:02 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
Those caps were a pain and a bother. I wasn't upset to see them go!
You could always say you were anemic. :-)
Posted by: DrCarol at February 24, 2008 12:31 PM
"The Hebrew Kid Meets Buffalo Bill," written by Robert Maverick.
Has a nice literary ring to it. :)
Posted by: Pearl at February 24, 2008 12:42 PM
Dr. Carol:
When I see a movie that has nurses in uniform, I practically break down in tears.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.seraphicpress.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at February 24, 2008 03:30 PM
Pearl:
Meanwhile, she never said my name properly. Not once.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at February 24, 2008 03:32 PM
Thank you for the kind words Mr. Maverick. My heroes have always been cowboys. ;)
The real thanks for the roundup goes to the Jblogosphere. All I do is collect the posts, that is the easy part.
Posted by: Jack at February 24, 2008 04:19 PM
"...As I make my exit, shoulders hunched, I'm pretty sure that everyone is staring at me, minds whirring away, cooking up elaborate scenarios as to why I've been rejected.
Bunch of yentas.
Sigh. ..."
actually,
you might have been much better off, if the nurse did work in an AIDS screening center
there, they are usually very sympathetic and considerate,
and if the blood drive people were aware that it is an embarrassment for someone to be turned away,
they would make allowances for someone to enter into a 'holding' area, wait the appropriate amount of time, and be given a band-aid, juice, etc. and sent home with a smile.
there are usually enough volunteers that an arrangement like this is feasible, it if were publicized that many more people might donate blood if they weren't embarrassed about being turned away ...
maybe your blog will now educate any Seraphic readers in positions to implement something like this...
Posted by: exdemexlib at February 24, 2008 04:49 PM
Jack:
You're very welcome.
Sincerely:
Bret Maverick
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at February 24, 2008 05:35 PM
Exdem:
No holding area. Just a big wide auditorium for me to make my exit.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at February 24, 2008 05:37 PM
You can be my wingman any time. Almost wish I had a plane...
Posted by: MAJ Virgil Hilts at February 25, 2008 12:34 AM
It's not an embarrassment to be turned away. It's happened to me twice in the last year because of low iron levels.
And I've gone before not being sure because I was away on holidays and I'm not sure if I'll be able to donate because I was away on holidays and I'm not sure if the country is officially classed as tropical, or malarial.
There are plenty of reasons to get turned down that don't include horrible diseases. :-)
Posted by: Leo at February 25, 2008 08:44 AM
Maj. Hilts:
Thanks so much for the vote of confidence, a great honor.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at February 25, 2008 09:03 AM
Leo:
Low iron levels? Whoever thinks about low iron levels? My brain immediately goes to, y'know, the dark side.
By the way, when you got turned away, did you have to return whatever neat little party favors you were given in advance:)
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at February 25, 2008 09:09 AM
Leo,
Make sure to eat meat or raisins prior to donating. I once got rejected for low iron. It was the day after Tisha B'Av. (Being slightly anemic is a more common problem for women.)
I have a nice catalogue of rejections. For a few years I was on the permanently rejected list because a couple of times (several years apart) I had too high readings of a certain enzyme. Eventually they reversed the ruling.
My most frustrating rejection was once after I had done apheresis, getting rejected. Apparently instead of doing apheresis, the Red Cross had done a double red donation, which meant I was inelegible for quite a while instead of the 3 days it should have been for apheresis.
Posted by: soccerdad at February 25, 2008 09:36 AM
Robert,
No party favours over here in Ireland - you used to be able to get a glass of Giunness after donating, but no longer. You'll get a soft drink, and something small to eat, plus maybe a pencil, but nothing so fancy as cinema tickets!
Posted by: Leo at February 25, 2008 02:49 PM
Leo:
Beer! You got beer in Ireland after donating blood? Good grief, how did James Joyce ever exile himself from such an enlightened land!
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at February 25, 2008 04:47 PM
So which movie will you now see (for free)?
Posted by: Simon at February 26, 2008 08:08 AM
Simon:
No idea. Have any recommendations?
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at February 26, 2008 09:05 AM
wow..eating meat in England is in such dubious company...I will be looking at my dinner tonight in a different way!
Posted by: thud at February 26, 2008 09:27 AM
Thud:
Yes, apparently mad cows run rampant in Great Britain:)
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at February 26, 2008 05:24 PM
I used to get allergy shots at my ENT's office. I'd sit in the waiting room until I heard the "Time for your injections, Mr. Ralphie." It was months before I realized that the office also offered Botox, and that's what the other waiting room denizens surely thought I was getting...
Posted by: ralphie at February 27, 2008 04:22 PM
Ralphie:
Uh-huh. Allergy shots. Absolutely:)
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at February 27, 2008 07:04 PM