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August 13, 2008

My Infidel Jewish Doctor

saudi.jpg
Saudi physicians prepare to perform surgery on a member of the Royal family.


“They booked the entire top floor of the hotel.”

“Expensive.”

“Oh yes. Beverly Hills expensive. So: I'm escorted by a couple of huge bodyguards into one of the suites and there must be fifty courtiers hanging around. And then I see him, sitting in a chair watching television. Thing is, he's watching two televisions at once.”

“The royal Saudi prince.”

I'm in shul, talking with a friend, a prominent physician.

“Right.”

“What was he watching? Oh, please say MTV, and The Playboy Channel.”

“I don't remember, sorry. Anyway, I examine the Prince and give a tentative diagnosis. But I tell them that the Prince has to come into my office for a thorough exam. They say no. I have to fly to Saudi Arabia and do it there.”

“Cool.”

“Not really. Jews are not allowed to set foot on Saudi Arabian soil so I had to go to the Saudi Embassy and fill out special paperwork. I had to show them my tallis and tefillin and get clearance.”

“We should call the ACLU, this is outrageous.”

“Funny.”

“So what happened?”

“I'll tell you what happened, 9-11 happened. That's the day I was supposed to fly to Saudia Arabia. I wasn't going anywhere, certainly not to Saudi Arabia.”

“Tell me something, how did the Prince get referred to you?”

“I have no idea. I asked but they weren't saying.”

"Did they know that you're Jewish?”

“Oh, yes, absolutely. They insist on Jewish doctors.”

I pull a silent movie double-take.

“Shut-up.”

“No really, they asked me for the name of another physician for another prince but stipulated that the doctor had to be Jewish.”

“Why?”

“Well, I know they won't go to their own physicians, and some of my best students were Saudis. There are some very fine physicians there. I suspect they're worried about assassination. There's a lot of that going on The Kingdom.”

My mind is spinning away in screenplay mode; this has all the makings of a great Hollywood comedy.

“I'll bet you got a nice fat fee.”

My friend chuckles.

“Collecting was a nightmare. I had to schlep to the embassy over and over again and fill out a mountain of paperwork in order to get paid. It took over a year. And then they tried to beat down my fee. They paid just half the bill. I had to go after them for the balance. Can you believe that?

“Hey, aren't we supposed to be cheap, at least according to the Jew-haters?”

“From now on I stick with my normal patients. The Saudis, never again.“

Posted by Robert J. Avrech at August 13, 2008 08:43 AM

Comments

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" ... They insist on Jewish doctors ... ”


could be because Mohammad had a Jewish physician,
and may have had some recommendations about this,


have heard from people who work at Maimonides in Boro Park, that they have some very devout Muslim patients who would;
"rather go to the
Hospital of the Holy Jews in Brooklyn,
than to the
Manhattan Hospital of the Many Pointed Arches " (Cornell)
... ;-)

Posted by: exdemexlib at August 13, 2008 11:59 AM

Talking in shul is a shameful habit that needs to end immediately.... but boy, the things you hear....even at the kiddush you don't get the earful you get in shul.

Posted by: Barzilai at August 13, 2008 12:43 PM

When my daughter was hospitalized last year a resident with the unfortunate name of "Osama" came by to take blood. Liat, weak from her illness, but very much in control smiled sweetly at him and said, "no thank you".

Of course, even the Saudis want a Jewish doctor! They may be evil, but their not stupid.

Posted by: Baila at August 13, 2008 12:53 PM

Maybe he'll fly you in to write his biography

Posted by: mata hari at August 13, 2008 12:54 PM

Exdem:

Maimonides was court physician to Saladin. He writes about his journey to the court and time spent treating Saladin, the members of his court, and the harem. It was a looong day.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 13, 2008 01:20 PM

Barzilai:

I should have mentioned that this conversation took place a few weeks ago during Shalosh Seudos. I never talk during shul.

Well, almost never.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 13, 2008 01:22 PM

Baila:

The Saudis are not only evil, but they are deadbeats when it comes to paying their beloved Jewish physicians.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 13, 2008 01:25 PM

Mata Hari:

No thanks, thing about Hollywood is, it's s snake pit, but a well paying snake pit that pays on time.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 13, 2008 01:28 PM

I guess your friend might need to add Jordan to the list.

Posted by: Juggling Frogs at August 14, 2008 03:55 AM

OMG, you're describing "History of The Word, Part II". The comedy has to have a musical number, like "The Spanish Inquisition" from HOTW, Part I.

Posted by: Jeremiah at August 14, 2008 01:32 PM

Juggling Froga:

In surveys of Jew-hatred in the Arab world, Jordan scores the highest. No wonder, it's over 90% Palestinian.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 15, 2008 12:03 AM

Jeremiah:

Yes, this story really does have comedy potential. I can see Busby Berkley style numbers with Saudi princes, goats, camels and burqua clad babes.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 15, 2008 12:07 AM

An old observation about the English upper classes is that they despise Americans, except when they are in need of a heart surgeon.

Posted by: Michael Jennings at August 15, 2008 02:36 AM

Jewish professionals working with Saudis - reminds me of this post from a couple of years ago!

Posted by: Elie at August 15, 2008 06:50 AM

Michael:

In two generations or less, England will be Judenrein. Good luck to the upper classes as they end up in the hands of their peace-loving Muslim physicians.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 15, 2008 09:59 AM

Elie:

Thanks for the great link. Have a lovely Shabbat.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 15, 2008 10:02 AM

LOL I needed that laugh. Thanks for it. Still chuckling and my kids what to know what's funny.

Posted by: Mystical Time Traveler [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 15, 2008 10:21 AM

Mystical Time Traveler:

Always pleased to bring a smile to the face of a reader. In what time zone does your smile register:-)

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 15, 2008 05:23 PM

I am surprised...I mean, why didn't they just fly the guy in (secretly, of course) to Israel.

We have got oodles and oodles of Jewish doctors!

Posted by: Gila at August 16, 2008 01:08 AM

Gila:

If a Saudi has an Israeli stamp on his passport he will be beheaded. My friend told me of his best Saudi student was was "disappeared" by the royal family because he grew too close to a few American Jews.

We are dealing with religious and national barbarians—as you well know.

Posted by: Robert J. Avrech [TypeKey Profile Page] at August 17, 2008 12:42 AM

You remind me of a story I heard years ago from a co-woker, about a friend and co-worker of his at a previous job, as you'll see. Yes, it's hearsay, but I believed it at the time, and believe it still....

This (non-Jewish) man worked as a consultant in Saudi Arabia, programming. He lived in a compound, and had almost no contact with most Saudis, but he saw a (incredibly rare) Saudi woman who was in meetings, and heard her speak. He was impressed with her beauty and intelligence, although he never even spoke with her face to face, and learned that she was the daughter of some senior official running the project. Not knowing what else to do, he made an appointment to meet with her father.

At the meeting, he told dad that he would like to convert to Islam, and asked for guidance in how to become Muslim, in hopes that he would become fit to again approach the father for permission to court the beautiful young woman. Said father thanked the consultant for the courage to approach him, and said that someone would be sent to him. In a lovesick daze the consultant returned to his desk, but did not share with his colleagues what had happened.

No more than half an hour later, the Saudi royal police (apparently, there are four different kinds of police) came in, grabbed the guy from his desk, and left with him. He vanished.

My friend first heard about it when his company sent him in an emergency to Saudi Arabia to replace the missing programmer. Since he knew the poor fellow, and had to pack up the man's personal effects and ship them back to the States, he was concerned to follow up and find out what became of the missing consultant.

Eventually they caught up in the States, and my friend learned what happened to his friend. He heard the whole story of the betrayed lover up until the point where my friend himself entered the picture, meeting with a dazed and frightened bunch of foreign workers not knowing why their colleague had been hauled away. The story continued:

The police blindfolded and handcuffed him and hauled him away into a vehicle. They drove around for a while, but no one addressed him. He thought at first this was some kind of hazing to test his commitment to becoming a Muslim, but after a while he decided that made no sense. He was so scared he soiled himself. Eventually he was dragged out of the vehicle, pushed around, still with noone telling him anything, until eventually he was unshackled and the blindfold removed. He found himself inside the entrance of a jet, with a very worried crew trying to find a place for him to sit on the fully booked plane. He ended up sharing a fold-down seat with the crew.

At the end of the flight he arrived in India with no wallet, ID, or passport - just the soiled clothes on his back. It took a couple of days before the American consulate could get him out of the airport and his employer paid to fly him home.

I can add that my friend had other scary incidents in the KSA, some that he shared with him over the years and others that he said he'd carry to the grave, and that he more than once told me that he's never been so relieved in his life as when the plane's wheels left the runway to take him out of that benighted land. The huge paycheck was nowhere near enough compensation, he said.

It seems that the Saudis do this all the time - "ejecting" people by dumping them on the very next plane departing from the airport. But he was lucky, being a white Westerner. Pakistanis, Indians, and Malays, to say nothing of Africans, go through "deportation centers" that bring to mind nothing so much as Nazi work camps (that is, the camps without gas chambers.) Take a look at http://www.daa.org.uk/e_tribune%5Ce_1997_03.htm, for example, to read about the lucky ones.

Posted by: Eliyahu at August 18, 2008 11:50 AM

From what I've read and heard, Jews are allowed into Saudi Arabia generally, but denied entry to Mecca.

I confirmed this with a Saudi acquaintance who invited me to visit the Kingdom.

Needless to say, I passed on the invite - they have horrible taste in women's fashion.

Posted by: Ronit at August 25, 2008 10:52 AM

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