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October 24, 2008
Teaneck Footwear Plus My Dougie's Flip-Out
So: we're back in Los Angeles. Visiting with our girlses for Chol Ha Moed Succos was revitalizing and, um, fattening. When Offspring #2 and #3 get busy in the kitchen—watch out ye mortal Jews.
But between the joy of Succos and spending time with our granddaughter Ma'ayan Ariel, your faithful correspondent noticed that the girlses are, unbenownst to moi, stocking up on—you guessed it—footwear.
“Okay, Offspring #2, how about modeling the new shoes for posterity.”
“Do I have to?”
I shoot her my most vulnerable and pitiful look.
“Okaaaay.”
“Let's go outside, the light's great at this time of day.”
“Do I have to schlep outside, Daddy?”
“Okay, we'll do some inside and a few in the hallway. I love the pre-war tile.”
Elegant but understated low heeled pumps with
just-barely-revealing Venetian blind slots—very Art Deco.
I've dubbed these: Sandra Dee Dances the Cha-Cha With
Troy Donahue.
These boots belong to Offspring #3, but as
you can see (?) Offspring #2 is modeling and lusting
for these Brian De Palma Dressed to Kill boots.
Beware, the girlses are each working out ruthless
Ho Chi Minh ownership strategies.
Behold, history in the making as Ma'ayan Ariel gingerly
steps into her first footwear. There's something very Japonisme
going on here. Pretty in buttery power pink, with adorable
pleated bow tie caps. But Ma'ayan Ariel gnashes her teeth
and wails:“I want my Christian Louboutin,
it's my birthright!” Patience, child, patience.
As our regular readers know, I like signs. Walking near
Offspring #2's apartment I spotted this restaurant and gee, it looks
like it belongs on my home turf, somewhere on Melrose where LC
and her Jimmy Choo-clad crew will discuss how best to disembowel
the evil Spencer.
More than a great sign, Dougie's is, for me, a shrine,
an ultimate destination. On the flight over I had visions of a
massive, juicy Dougie's Deluxe Burger with Portabello Mushroom.
We landed in NY and I immediately asked Offspring #2, who picked us up:
“Is Dougie's open?” OS #2 looked at me with a worried expression:
“Daddy, it's 11 at night.” I'm like: “Does that mean it's closed?” Patient as a
kindergarten teacher: “Yes, daddy.” Next morning: “What time does
Dougie's open?” My wonderful son-in-law, a Dougie's maven says,
“Eleven AM.” I sit and stare at the clock. I'm out the door at five to.
In Dougie's I inhale the aroma and really I should be arrested for
imbibing a dangerous drug. I order my burger Deluxe and then peek
in the back to make sure there's a Succah. Jewish law requires that
all meals be eaten in the Succah. My heart skips a beat. I run to the
front and in outrage shout: “Where's the Succah?” The little wretch
behind the counter tells me they don't have one. I sputter: “I just flew
all the way from Los Angeles!” Wretched Kid looks at me as if I might be the
craziest person he has ever encountered. Alas, he's probably right. My molars
are aching. Plus, there's a thick blue vein—like a worm—throbbing Alien-like
in my neck. Wretched Kid, I'm praying for restraint. “Fine,” I growl,
“I'll take it to go, but you should give me a discount you know.”
Wretched Kid actually looks like he's reaching for the phone
to dial 911. “Or, um, throw in a few pickles.”
I power walk back to the apartment complex, sit myself down
in the communal Succah and—oh joy—even at room temperature
my Deluxe Portabello Burger and crispy fries are perfect.
Just perfect. I love Teaneck. Seriously.
The Teaneck Gardens (not a garden in sight) Communal Succha
where I devoured my Dougie's Burger and where we ate all our meals.
By the way, the Succah represents the Clouds of Glory that followed
the Children of Israel through the desert after the Exodus.
Thus each and every holiday meal has a mysterious, brain flipping taste.
Delicious food prepared by my girlses becomes even more delicious.
Yes, the simple but holy architecture of the Succah infuses every delicate
morsel with off-the-scale, savory, mouth-watering tastes,
and yours truly can often be heard emitting a series of
embarrassing and unnatural visceral moans.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a restful and meaningful Shabbat.
And hey, just have to pass on this information about Obama and his buddy the Jew-hating Palestinian terrorist. Hmm, Obama has a lot of Jew-hating friends. But, hey Jews will vote for BO anyway because American Jews consider it a sin to vote in their self-interests.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at October 24, 2008 09:49 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
I once went to Dougies in honor of my father in law's birthday. I had a meat sandwich on pita with horseradish sauce and lettuce. So did my brother in law. We realized, this was probably what Korech was once like!
Posted by: soccer dad at October 24, 2008 12:32 PM
It speaks volumes that not long after Shabbat ends, the Dougies in Teaneck (and maybe the one in Manhattan if it's still open?), are usually packed.
I mean after meal after meal of Shabbat gluttony, people still flock to Dougie's after Havdalah!
On the other hand, it also speaks volumes about the obesity epidemic in the modern Orthodox community.
Don't mean to be a buzz kill, but I went back to my high school a couple of years ago and just about EVERY kid and teacher was really overweight. Oy!
But if I had to choose between boosting exercise and cutting out Dougies, I'd choose boosting exercise every time.
Burgers are essential.
Posted by: Jake at October 24, 2008 12:48 PM
I liked Dougie's until I tasted Burger's Bar. Heaven. on. earth. Don't know if Burger's Bar has arrived in Teaneck. I know they opened one up in Cedarhurst right before we left for Israel.
But G-d has smiled upon me. There are two BB's in Modi'in!
Shavua Tov.
Posted by: Baila at October 25, 2008 03:20 PM
Great post. Never ate at Dougie's. the only NJ restaurant is the dairy/fish in Livingston, Jerusalem 2, I think it's called.
And those shoes, none would fit on my feet. OY!
Are you sending the post to JPIX? I hope so!
Posted by: batya at October 25, 2008 10:51 PM
Soccer Dad:
Sounds good. On my next trip to Teaneck and Dougie's I'll order it.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.seraphicpress.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at October 27, 2008 09:47 AM
Jake:
I'm with you. Dougie's Burgers are essential. Exercise is, um, annoying.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at October 27, 2008 09:50 AM
Baila:
Have not been to Burger Bar. Nor to Mo'diin. Now I have to visit both. Maybe you can squire us around.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at October 27, 2008 10:02 AM
Batya:
Thanks so much. I'll send the post to Jpix.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at October 27, 2008 10:05 AM
Hey, I think the girlses live in the same apartment complex that I and the Royal Spouse lived in for our first two years of marriage! Alas, there was no Dougies around the corner back in those days. We had to travel all the way to the other side of the highway to get food.
Posted by: proudmommy0f4 at November 2, 2008 05:09 AM