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December 16, 2008
The Drowning Cell Phone (s)
Two weeks ago:
Offspring #3: “I, um, need a new cell phone.”
Me: What happened?
Offspring #3: “My phone got damaged. Water damage.”
Me: Water?
Offspring #3: “Yeah, I dropped it in the toilet.”
Me: “The toilet.”
Offspring #3: “Uh-huh.”
I desperately try not think about the unfortunate scenario; details, time sequences, etc.
Me: “Okay, what do we learn from this particular accident?”
Offspring #3: (big sigh) “Not to take my cell phone into the rest room.”
Me: “Excellent.”
Last Week:
Offspring #3 whips out her cell phone, a seriously complicated little block that has this snappy Star Trek swiveling device on top and enough flashing buttons on the tiny keyboard to satisfy NASA command.
Me: “So that's your new phone, huh?”
Offspring #3: ”Um, not exactly.”
Me: “I do not understand.”
Offspring #3: “This is actually my new, new phone.”
I just sit and wait because Offspring #3 is just so darned cute when she spills.
Offspring #3: “I dropped my new phone in the toilet. This is my friend's phone. She gave it to me because she didn't need it anymore and this way I didn't have to buy another. Saved money, see?”
Offspring #3 delivers above dialogue in a single, breathless burst. Pretty impressive. The content almost slips right past me. Almost, but not quite.
Me: “Wait. Wait. You're telling me that you dropped a second phone in the toilet?”
Offspring #3: “Uh-huh.”
Me: “This is not possible.”
Offspring #3 just gazes at me like, what's not to understand?
Me: “What about the lesson? You know, not taking a cell phone into the rest room.”
Offspring #3 lets loose with a massive Joan Crawford shrug. This kid should be a Hollywood agent. She's got a totally brilliant way of structuring conversations—the silences between sentences—guaranteed to make the other side feel like morons. You don't really know what's hit you until a few days later when you wake up in the middle of the night and go: “Wait a minute, did that really happen?”
Okay, I see an opportunity. I have the parental high ground for a few brief seconds. I can turn this cell-phone-in-the-toilet-plague to my advantage.
Me: “Can I write about this on Seraphic Secret?”
Offspring #3's eyes are round as saucers as she thinks this one over.
Offspring #3: “Sure, okay.”
Wise decision.
Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter regarding the fate of Offspring #3's new, new phone.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at December 16, 2008 10:37 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
I think it's a ploy for the new iPhone. We know how you have a soft spot for the Apple products ;)
I am ashamed to admit it, but I've dropped several cells phones into the toilet too. But not the iPhone...yet.
Posted by: orieyenta at December 16, 2008 12:14 PM
Look at the bright side. In some places, a cell phone in the toilet is a matter of life and death. See here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/2850045.stm
Gosh, we Americans have it easy!
Posted by: kishke at December 16, 2008 12:26 PM
LOL that's amazing. :)
For some really dumb reason, in Israel, I decided to try to wash some dirt that had gotten on my screen off with water.
I've never made the same mistake since.
Posted by: Ezzie at December 16, 2008 12:28 PM
Sorry to write this too late, but "toileted" cell phones don't have to die.
As long as the phone is already off/asleep when it gets wet, you can usually save it by IMMEDIATELY removing the battery (without pushing any buttons first) and leaving it for a week in a Ziploc bag or Rubbermaid full of uncooked rice or kitty litter.
Posted by: alterbentzion at December 16, 2008 12:38 PM
I think it's a ploy for the new iPhone
I'm not sure people with i-phones even need to use toilets. They're above all that.
Posted by: kishke at December 16, 2008 12:45 PM
" ... As long as the phone is already off/asleep when it gets wet, you can usually save it ... "
have had this happen to my daughter's cellphone and iPod
here is my solution that actually *worked* twice:
[1] take out the battery and all other parts
(additional memory, etc.)
[2] wrap it in a dry sheet or tablecloth
[3] put it in the dryer on the 'highest' setting,
[4] assemble it once it's dry and once the battery is also wiped and dry
then it should work
(at least it's no worse off than throwing out the phone ... ;-) )
Posted by: exdemexlib at December 16, 2008 02:00 PM
Years ago I had a girlfriend who lost a pair of shoes to the toilet. It happened something like this:
She is not very tall and had a habit of standing on the toilet so that she could ascertain that she was happy with how she looked.
One night she is getting ready to go out for dinner and as is her custom tries to stand on the toilet seat.Somehow she fails to notice that the toilet seat is not down and ends up with one foot playing submariner. Thus one pair of shoes was lost.
As you can imagine I never teased her or made any sort of comment about this. No sir, not me.
Posted by: Jack at December 16, 2008 02:15 PM
Robert
Maybe it has to do with Camp Morasha. My younger son, who, as you know, went to Camp Morasha at the same time as Offspring #3, has (1) gone swimming with one cell phone and, (ii) more recently, in Israel, DROPPED A CELL PHONE IN THE TOILET! It can't be a coincidence.
Posted by: Azriel at December 16, 2008 02:27 PM
Apparently there were 855,000 cell phones dropped in the toilet in Brtain in 2006.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/06/05/phones_down_the_pan/
It scares me that I knew that.
Posted by: Michael Jennings at December 16, 2008 05:01 PM
Get her the Pomegranate Phone. http://www.pomegranatephone.com/ When she's not closing business deals over garlic fingers in fluent Farsi, she can play a little harmonica, exfoliate the appendages (discreetly, of course), brew herself a refreshing cup of coffee, and screen "Our Blushing Brides." Trust me: she'll never flush her phone again.
Posted by: rutimizrachi at December 17, 2008 03:30 AM
I was gonna say, how on earth can you drop a phone in the toilet (let along two)...but I know the minute that I say it, it'll happen to me.
Posted by: mata hari at December 17, 2008 04:28 AM
I was really trying to come up with something witty in reply, but words escape me...just as the cell phone escaped your daughter.
Instead of being somewhat "farblunget" she was going "farPLUNGEt"!
Posted by: Pearl at December 17, 2008 09:55 AM
You couldn't make up a story like that! With a daughter like #3, maybe you should start recording these for an eventual movie?
Posted by: Bill Brandt at December 17, 2008 10:42 AM
Sort of reminds me of my elder son. He's so different from me. I always have to take a deep breath and remind myself that he must be my "tikkun," a gift from G-d.
Posted by: Batya at December 17, 2008 11:13 AM
Orieyenta:
Actually, OS#3 has not been agitating for in i-Phone. I think it's because most of her friends use Verizon as a carrier.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.seraphicpress.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at December 17, 2008 11:54 AM
never dropped a phone into the toilet. on the other hand, i've learned the hard way (i.e., repeatedly) to remove a kippah prior to entering the bathroom.
Posted by: Lion of Zion at December 17, 2008 12:55 PM
Kishke:
Death by cell phone, horrifying.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:03 PM
Ezzie:
You mean just cleaning off the screen with water ruined your cell phone? Wow, that's a pretty touchy device.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:11 PM
Alter:
I hope OS #3 is reading.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:13 PM
Exdem:
Really hope OS#3 is reading!
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:16 PM
Jack:
My girls value footwear way too much to suffer such an accident.
I think.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:19 PM
Azriel:
Good grief it's a Camp Morasha conspiracy!
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:22 PM
Michael:
Alas, more proof of the death of the British Empire.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:24 PM
Ruti:
That phone is a joke, right?
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:26 PM
Mata Hari:
Keep us informed:-)
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:28 PM
Pearl:
LOL.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:30 PM
Bill:
Way ahead of you. Proposed script is called "My Girlses."
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:32 PM
Batya:
I think all good parents wrestle with this kind of identity separation. It's a healthy impulse.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:36 PM
Lion:
Yup, aware of the yarmulke problem, but from my youth. Has not happened since, oh, college.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at December 17, 2008 01:40 PM
well, if we are discussing things that fall into toilets...I know someone whose wallet fell into a Japanese toilet (otherwise known as a hole in the ground that doesn't flush, if you get my drift)
Posted by: cruisin-mom at December 17, 2008 07:42 PM
Thank G-d it was just regular plumbing. It could have been worse. A lot worse:
Posted by: Yoel B at December 20, 2008 10:42 PM
I have also dropped my share of cell phones in the toilet, but another problem I had was when my twin baby girls were teething they would use my cell phones as teething items, ruining 2 or 3 cell phones. Oh well!!!
Posted by: buttercup at December 20, 2008 11:16 PM