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January 23, 2009
Friday Footwear and, Um, Covert Ops
Lilyan Tashman says: “You go girl!”
Obama, Gaza, Obama, Gitmo, Obama, Geithner, Obama, Kennedy, Obama, Sulzberger, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama.
Bet you thought Seraphic Secret was going to write about you know who.
Well no, sorry, today is Friday Footwear and even the Anointed One gets bumped.
We do have our priorities.
“I'm in Bloomingdale's.”
Who is this? Surely not the love of my life who is allergic to the snooty, overpriced aisles of Bloomie's.
“Wha?”
“Let me explain they're having a sale in the shoe department and I just found boots that are 40% off and another 15% off if you get a Bloomingdale's charge card and there was absolutely nothing at Loehmann's and I was just window shopping and saw the Big Sale sign at Bloomindale's so what do you think?”
Delivered in single burst, like on Purim when the sons of Haman are named in one hurried and scornful breath.
“And the boots are?”
“Really cute.”
I'm like totally sold. “Hurry home.”
An hour later Karen slips into the boots and whoa, on the sole is the following inscription: STUART.
As in Weitzman.
I'll bet Karen does not know that Stuart Weitzman was briefly in the CIA before he turned shoe designer.
A totally logical career progression if you ask moi.
These boots are crafted for treading lightly over the rain-slick cobblestones of some dreary East European capital where CIA agentess Karen is receiving state secrets from a freedom loving partisan. And then, whoosh, she disappears into a swirling shroud of fog. Only to reappear in skin tight jodhpurs, Victorian blouse with ruffles at the neck, velvet riding jacket, and wicked silver spurs strapped to her boots. It's off to the hounds where our Jewish Mata Hari cleverly extracts valuable intel from corrupt iron curtain officials.
Dissolve:
Betrayed by a double agent, Karen sits in her tiny cell, in a terrifying women's prison. She awaits her fate with courage and stoicism. She will not break, even under torture.
“My footwear,” she cries, “gives me strength!”
Madame Verushka, the inexplicably kindly warden, allows our heroine to keep her boots. For warmth, for defensive kicks against hissing female assassins, for the perfectly timed prison break—that brings Karen home, bruised but unbowed, to America, to freedom.
Ah, footwear that multi-tasks, heavenly!
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbos.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at January 23, 2009 07:41 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
This whole boot escapade could have been avoided if I had a CIA operative on my side to target the worm who stole my treasured boots from my gym locker! These were a consolation for those pilfered boots stolen from the 24 Hour Fitness Center. A humiliating and despicable act I suffered two months ago.
Posted by: Karen Avrech at January 23, 2009 01:14 PM
I don't know why, but I keep waiting for some rabbi somewhere to ban Friday Footwear.
Posted by: ralphie at January 23, 2009 04:20 PM
Isn't there something in the heel that you can slide away and use to escape Karen?
Or a phone?
Posted by: Bill Brandt at January 23, 2009 07:30 PM
Now, more than ever, Friday Footwear is a priority!
Posted by: INC at January 23, 2009 08:35 PM
Have you read Daniel Silva's Gabriel Allon series. This post belongs in the next book. Karen could be the heroine. Have your people contact his.
Shavua Tov.
Posted by: Baila at January 24, 2009 10:41 AM
There once was an Avrech named Karen
And when it came to footwear, there was no sparin'
If she found some shoes that were an ideal pair,
She'd pull out her credit card and use it with flare.
Her hubby, Robert, would certainly NOT despair
If Karen came home with yet ANOTHER pair
Of shoes she deemed too great to pass up
He'd nod his head knowingly and say, "Yup, yup, yup!"
He'd smile and begin to snap photos of her
For his weekly post of Friday Footwear
Luckily, Karen has passed on her shoe-buying talent so true,
To Daughter #1 and Daughter #2!
Posted by: Pearl at January 24, 2009 06:54 PM
Karen:
Even worse, we know who did the deed and there's nothing we can do.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.seraphicpress.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at January 24, 2009 10:21 PM
Ralphie:
Oh, great, now you've gone and given my father an idea!
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at January 24, 2009 10:22 PM
Bill:
We'd tell you, but then we'd have to, well, y'know the rest:-)
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at January 24, 2009 10:25 PM
Inc:
We agree and have been told by numerous readers that Friday Footwear is Seraphic Secret's most popular and anticipated feature.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at January 24, 2009 10:34 PM
Baila:
We've been hearing about the Silva books for a while. I'll check them out. Thanks so much.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at January 24, 2009 10:37 PM
Pearl:
Where were you when we needed you, when America needed?
Yes indeed, the, ahem, poet at the Obama coronation came close to destroying our regard for poetry.
But now that Friday Footwear has inspired your dazzling muse, hope has, at last, arrived in Casa Avrech.
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at January 24, 2009 10:44 PM
we know who did the deed and there's nothing we can do.
Why is that?
Posted by: kishke at January 25, 2009 07:55 AM
ahem...I am the Jewish Mata Hari!
Posted by: mata hari at January 25, 2009 07:59 AM
Mata Hari:
Do you have the boots to prove it:-)
Posted by: Robert J. Avrech at January 26, 2009 09:49 AM
Do you doubt it? ;)
Posted by: Mata Hari at January 26, 2009 01:37 PM