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February 06, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Lubavitch Edition
The girls are spitting mad.
“How dare she say that about Lubavitch women.”
“Did you hear what she said about her daughter marrying a Republican?”
“We happen to dress beautifully.”
Karen and I are having Friday night Shabbos dinner with close friends, a Lubavitch family from our Los Angeles neighborhood. There are three daughters, stunning young women who dress modestly but at the height of fashion.
They have all seen or read Susie Essman's hateful comments from The View and are properly indignant.
The girls have not seen Loving Leah, they do not watch TV—smart, the more TV you watch the dumber you become—but Susie Essman's bigotry and Jew hatred, yes, this is classic Jew hatred, typical of so-called enlightened secular Jews towards the Orthodox, has spread to the entire Orthodox Jewish community.
Let's hear from Susie, proud liberal, fashion and beauty expert:
“I learned that they're [Lubavitch Hasidic women] not very good dressers.”
“Have you seen what these women look like?”
Sigh.
Head in hands.
Susie, have you seen what you look like?
Susie, Susie, Susie, you asked for this, you really did.
1. Your hair is about as fashionable as a mullet. Rethink the wig option.
2. For women of a certain age, short hemlines are just plain sad.
3. The pattern on your outfit is hid-e-ous. Have you stepped into a puddle?
4. Too much cleavage. Trust us, you do not want to draw attention.
5. You have slit-eyes—buck up, so did Jean Harlow—next time make them pop instead of receding into your skull like Paleolithic woman. For an excellent beauty primer we recommend Bobbi Brown's book.
6. Footwear: your boots are too tight, hence your legs look like sausages. A longer hemline would have fixed this train wreck. That's Fashion 101.
And Susie, I'm going easy on you.
Oh yeah, the only woman on The View who knows how to dress is Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the lone Republican.
Anyhoo.
Sarah, not her real name, is wearing a beautiful and modest outfit with a jaunty silk scarf around her throat—she's got that Maureen O'Hara in The Quiet Man thing going on with thick, lustrous hair and a milk maid, porcelain complexion.
Helping her mother and sisters serve the delicious Shabbos meal, Sarah heads into the kitchen.
“Cute shoes,” exclaims Karen.
Oh my gosh: killer bootlets.
I'm like: “Hey, Sarah, how about posing for Friday Footwear, let's show the world how a young Lubavitch lady wears fashionable footwear.”
“Absolutely! The chutzpah of that woman!”
Calling Jean Paul Gaultier. These bootlets have a great sleek line, the fabric is taut, like the skin of black panther, and the peek-a-boo toe is all flirty and very Irene Dunne. But the laces in the back seal the deal. That's why we think of bad boy Gaultier, the languid ribbons and the corset-like eyelets are uber-sophisticated, dangerously adorable, and the entire look cries out: “We are cute, fashionable and we are Lubavitch women!”
Karen and wish all our friends and relatives a miracle in Shabbos.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at February 6, 2009 07:59 AM
Comments
Seraphic Secret is private property, that's right, it's an extension of our home, and as such, Karen and I have instituted two Seraphic Rules and we ask commentors to act respectfully.
1. No profanity.2. No Israel bashing. We debate, we discuss, we are respectful. You know what Israel bashing is. The world is full of it. Seraphic Secret is one of the few places in the world that will not tolerate this form of anti-Semitism. That's it. Break either of these rules and you will be banned.
Ok, I'm not a fan of high heels, but those shoes are very attractive.
Posted by: pdwalker at February 6, 2009 10:18 AM
WANT!! Those are just beautiful!
Posted by: Lissa at February 6, 2009 10:32 AM
FWIW, the common comment when Lubavitch comes up in our home is by my wife, noting how "Lubavitch women all dress really hot".
Posted by: Ezzie at February 6, 2009 10:35 AM
Well, my story is slightly off thread but as far a strangely-dressed women:
Years ago I was driving though Palm Springs and this 70ish woman got out of a gold Corvette - and she was dressed in a sequined gold jump suit...
"Only in Southern California", I thought...
2nd my nomination for the worst dressed of the sexes: An old woman in a bikini or an old overweight man in a speedos
Posted by: Bill Brandt at February 6, 2009 10:53 AM
That's ridiculous. The RABBI'S wife at my shul could be a runway model, and teach fashion designers a thing or two. Honestly, there are some women at my shul whose outfits look so good on them it's almost not tznius, even though everything is covered. And the other rebbetzin at my shul watches TV and has a masters degree. No stereotypes here!
Posted by: Fern at February 6, 2009 10:54 AM
It was not until I married my lovely bride, and discovered she had a shoe addiction, that I even began noticing women's shoes... but those are awesome.
As for the Lubavitch portrayal, it is typical of the mainstream elitist media/celebrity types. Just look at how they portray: southerners, farmers, religious practitioners, gun owners, the poor, etc. We really are becoming a divided country -- those in the media/politics/academia who sincerely believe that they are superior to "the masses", and those who work for a living, believe in G-d, and believe in the individual freedoms and personal responsibility that our forefathers envisioned. Unfortunately, the nuts in the first group currently control the pop culture/politics and everyone else will pay the price.
Have a wonderful Shabbos -- "Rejoice in your kingdom, you who keep the Sabbath."
Shalom,
Prophet (the Gentile) Joe
Posted by: ProphetJoe at February 6, 2009 11:29 AM
hubba hubba, those are excellent.
Posted by: Alice at February 7, 2009 09:08 AM
Ugh. Not the shoes, of course, but that interview. Do these people even hear themselves? Imagine if any of us made that statement "_____________ people are not very good dressers". We'd be accused up the wazoo of being racist bigoted oppressors.
Still, Robert, not worth your breath or excellent writing to go after her looks....
Shavua tov from Modi'in.
Posted by: Baila at February 7, 2009 10:15 AM
That the women of our country are getting their "views" from "The View" is a sign of the Decline and Fall of Western Civilization. It's not just the bad politics, it's the bad fashion, as you point out, Robert. An uglier group, in clothes, spirit and behavior, outside of Hasslebeck, one would be hard-pressed to find. A clear case of the pot calling the kettle black, and yes, it's a horrible shame that an ignorant, ugly-hearted and bad-fashioned woman would go after religious Jews.
Disgusting.
Posted by: Maurice at February 7, 2009 07:10 PM
By coincidence, just after seeing this story, I happened to catch a Family Guy episode where they made fun of The View as being a bunch of hens - very funny and very true....disgraceful conduct on their part
Posted by: Mark at February 7, 2009 07:44 PM
I saw the movie loving leah, and my first thought was that tv never seems to do a good job portraying orthodox people. Many of the people were unattractive, not well dressed, overweight. The mother spoke with this really heavy brookly/yiddish kind of accent. The daughter called her mother Mama (who does that?!!!) like she was in a shtetl from 100 years ago. And to cap it off, I think they were playing some fiddler on the roof kind of music in the background. They evidently haven't met the people I know - who are very fashionable and put together.
Posted by: mata hari at February 7, 2009 09:01 PM
Robert - I just saw the piece with Susie that you had linked to. I can't believe it. That was hateful.
Posted by: mata hari at February 7, 2009 09:14 PM
Off Topic: The Wildfires in Australia; If there are any Australians on this website, I hope and pray that you are all safe and away from danger.
Posted by: Miranda Rose Smith at February 8, 2009 04:33 AM
I'm guessing that the production group for LOVING LEAH could've used a better hair/wardrobe dept...and/or a much better research team to put the film together and avoid stupid remarks such as Susie Essman's.
As for those Friday Footwear shoes...definitely snazzy traffic-stoppers...especially on Shabbos!
Posted by: Pearl at February 8, 2009 07:16 AM
Apparently Susie Essman's character on Curb Your Enthusiasm is not a terrific stretch for her.
Posted by: Alice at February 8, 2009 09:38 AM
This is funny to me, because if there's any criticism one could make of Lubavitch, it isn't that the women don't dress well. As Ezzie said above, they actually dress "really hot." Not that I'm looking:)
Posted by: Jewboy at February 8, 2009 05:10 PM
The shoes are AMAZING, and Susie's comments were way off-target. However, I can't help think that your response is so very "L.A."
The L.A. response: Whaaat? We are SO FASHIONABLE. You are SO WRONG. How DARE you say we don't dress well?!? How incredibly insulting!
The Jerusalem response: Yeah, so we don't dress well. So what? We don't care about that. We have other values.
And that, my friend, is the difference between American materialism and Jerusalem spirituality.
Posted by: Sarah at February 9, 2009 07:35 AM
Sarah: I don't buy it. There's no contradiction between spiritual values and dressing well, so long as one's priorities are in order. It's not either/or. To think otherwise is simplistic.
Posted by: kishke at February 9, 2009 12:12 PM
Fantastic!!
LOVE the shoes!!!
(Is this the place to admit that I have a "thing" for shoes?)
On a completely different topic, I started reading your story (posts) about how you married your wife, but now I can't find them. PLEASE send me a link to the page/post with all the links at:
coffeeandchemo@gmail.com
Thanks!!
Posted by: Rivka with a capital A at February 9, 2009 09:03 PM