August 06, 2010
Friday Footwear: Marilyn Monroe's Sole
Any man who is married, blessed with daughters, or, when he was a child, paid close attention to the shopping habits of his mother, knows that shoes hold a special place in the female psyche which translates into highly ritualized shopping habits.
Have you ever heard a woman say:
“I'm depressed, I think I'll go shopping for a blouse.”
Has never happened in the history of human civilization.
How about this:
“I'm feeling so yech, so blah, I think I'll check out the shoe sale at Bloomingdale's.”
Totally familiar.
This world-view was best summed up in one memorable episode of The Gilmore Girls when Lorelei says to her daughter Rory:
“Don’t study so much that you get brilliant, go mad, grow a big bald egghead and try to take over the world, okay? ‘Cause I want to go shoe shopping this weekend.”
Which brings us to Marilyn Monroe, again.
Though deeply troubled and self-destructive, Marilyn was not a stupid woman, certainly not the dumb blonde she projected on-screen.
Lacking a formal education, Marilyn was a voracious reader. Her library held over 400 volumes reflecting her thirst for knowledge. There were Bibles, books on philosophy, art, drama, biography, poetry, politics, history, theology, and psychology.
She owned first editions of On the Road by Jack Kerouac, Ralph Ellison’s The Invisible Man and William Styron’s This House on Fire.
Her library shelves contained The Great Gatsby, Anna Karenina, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, James Joyce’s Dubliners, Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises, and The Fall by Camus. There were quite a few volumes on gardening, and many children’s books. Her copy of The Little Engine That Could is annotated in MM's scrawl.
Thus, it's not surprising that MM was something of a philosopher when it came to footwear. In this quote, she sounds like a cross between Barbie and Napoleon:
“Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.”
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a restful and enlightening Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 09:37 AM | Comments (9)
July 23, 2010
Friday Footwear: The Hounds of Heels
Contemporary shoe designers have shifted their fashion focus to the heel. It used to be just a simple stilleto, a needle to elongate the leg and straighten the spine so the woman moves through space like an amazonian sword.
Now, designers are transforming that narrow platform into sculptural forms that reference everything from movies to warfare.
You've purchased your Bellini furniture. Now it's time to play with the little darling—your West Indian nurse has a day off—and what's better than Balenciaga platforms to match the Lego's.
These heels most certainly reference the dripping creature made famous in the Alien flicks. So, if you're scheduled to take off into outer space and expect trouble from an icky, flesh-eating monster, these Nicholas Kirkwood creations are the way to go for intergalactic warfare.
You're going to the o-pera, darling. You have no idea what the heck they're kvetching about, but there's some charity involved so you agree to sit through four hours of audio torture. Well, the good news is Chanel has designed the perfect footwear for a very long night.
I love New York. From a distance. And I really love the Empire State Building. These are the shoes Fay Wray should have worn for her tall, dark and hairy leading man. Geox makes them so they're probably comfortable.
It's been a hard day at the studio. The film is behind schedule and way over budget. You'll never work in this town again. But you come home and the Mrs. greets you in these heels. Life is good. No idea who makes them.
Ladies, you've been deployed overseas to delete some jihadist trash. You're really not wild about Uncle Sam's combat boots. Sure, they're tough as nails, practical. But when the Islamists see you coming in these babies, they'll just fall to their knees and surrender because your heels are simply too scary.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and joyous Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 01:58 PM | Comments (13)
June 04, 2010
Friday Footwear
Alfred Hitchcock, the master of suspense, understood, probably better than most any other classical Hollywood director, that the tiny details of character and plot, carefully and skillfully edited, will cohere into a seamless narrative. And footwear, as a clue to character and (sometimes) engine of plot, plays a prominent role in numerous Hitchcock movies.
Murder, 1930
Rich and Strange, 1931
The Lady Vanishes, 1938. Hitchcock's most brilliant reveal: a nun wearing killer high-heels.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith, 1941. Hitchcock's only comedy, done as a favor to his friend Carole Lombard. The fragility of marriage underscored by this touching image.
Strangers on a Train, 1951. The movie begins with a chance meeting between amateur tennis champ Guy Haines (Farley Granger) and Bruno Anthony (Robert Walker), a spoiled rich kid, when the two men accidentally bump shoes. The psychopath wears the two-toned brogues.
Marnie, 1964. Tippi Hedren, a thief and liar, is beautiful, stylish, and a keeper of secrets.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a miraculous and peaceful Shabbat—the secret to Jewish survival.
You must read Daniel Greenfield's letter to Turkey.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:18 AM | Comments (11)
May 21, 2010
Friday Footwear
My phone chirps, alerting me to a new message.
Up pops a photo of a very cute polka dot, peep toe shoe.
A few seconds later, my phone rings:
Karen: Did you get the picture?
Me: Uh-huh.
Karen: I'm in the store right now, what do you think?
Me: Adorable.
Karen: You don't think they're too, y'know, green?
Green is a highly versatile color. In fact, for Scarlett O'Hara's most famous dress in Gone With the Wind, fabricated from velvet curtains, the great costume designer Walter Plunkett chose a distressed, but shimmering moss green.
Me: Green is good. We can tell all the climate change lunatics that Seraphic Secret is going green.
Karen: Yeah, we're the new Al Gore, like his 9 million dollar home in Montecito.
Me: Buy.
Later, when Karen gets home, she does a modified runway walk for yours truly.
Me: How do they feel?
Karen: Not bad. The wedge makes them pretty comfortable.
Me: Perfect for Shabbos.
Karen: Actually, perfect for Friday Footwear.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:52 AM | Comments (5)
April 30, 2010
Friday Footwear
Director John Ford directing Victor McLaglen in The Informer, 1935.
Ford had a hard time getting The Informer produced. The material was dark, and Ford's vision uncompromising. It's the grim tale of Gypo Nolan, a simple brute who informs on his best friend, a member of the Irish Republican Army, in order to collect a £20 reward and set sail to America with his girlfriend. The film traces Gypo's emotional collapse under the weight of his endless Irish Catholic guilt.
Forced to economize with a paltry budget, Ford shot the entire film on the RKO lot and used a universe of thick fog to camouflage the lack of production values and, at the same time, give the film an expressionist, dream-like intensity.
John Ford won the first of his four Academy Awards for The Informer.
Notice that Ford is wearing two-toned saddle shoes.
Here in Hollywood, we look for any and every edge. And, hey, if saddle shoes are good enough for the great John Ford, well, who am I to argue.
My new two-toned saddle shoes are tan and navy blue, a classic color combination.
Karen looked at my shoes and said:
“Don't you have those already?”
“Kinda. Sorta. Not really. The other pair are white and black saddle shoes. These are blue and tan.”
Color Karen skeptical: “I dunno. Saddle shoes are saddle shoes.”
Did I mention John Ford?
I did not.
Nor did I mention Pat Boone. At the height of his fame, saddle shoes were his trademark. I met Mr. Boone in Beverly Hills a few years ago. There he was, looking in the Ralph Lauren window. I walked up and said, “Mr. Boone, sorry to bother you, but I just wanted you to know that I really admire your faith and your conservative politics.” He shook my hand. We chatted for a few minutes and then he told me that he loved, absolutely loved my yarmulke. Could he try it on? I helped position it on his head. Mr. Boone grinned hugely, wanted to know if he looked Jewish. “You bet,” I lied.
I gotta tell you, that's my favorite Hollywood celebrity moment.
Somebody once told me that saddle shoes are not Jewish. I was like, huh? This guy said that he associated saddle shoes with WASP country clubs and exclusive—meaning no Jews allowed—Ivy League universities. Look, Jews have come a long way in America. As far as I'm concerned saddle shoes are Jewish, patriotic, and, of course, intensely Zionist. What can I say, I have a deep relationship with my saddle shoes.
I buy my saddle shoes from Muffy's, an excellent mail order company devoted exclusively to men and women's saddle shoes. They have some unique styles, color combinations and great prices.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and miraculous Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:59 AM | Comments (28)
April 23, 2010
Friday Footwear
This season, one of the biggest trends in footwear is the bootie, a below-the-calf boot, a direct descendent of the common Victorian walking shoe.
Contemporary designers have spun this classic design into new and novel directions using architectural platforms, nose-bleed heels, exotic materials, unusual fastenings and bold silhouettes. The best booties offer masculine heft tempered by a deeply feminine allure.
If not great for walking, these booties are perfect for posing.
Dior
Louboutin for Phillip Lim
Prabal Gurung
Fendi
Christian Siriano
Dior
Dsquared2
Alexander McQueen
Yves Saint Laurent
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and quiet Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 06:42 AM | Comments (7)
April 02, 2010
Friday Footwear
On Passover we're supposed to imagine ourselves escaping slavery to freedom.
So, let's be practical, if you are fleeing you need, um, appropriate footwear.
Okay, that's not in the Haggadah, but it sounds reasonable.
Anyhoo.
Here in Casa Avrech, with our girlses, their husbands, and granddaughter Ma'ayan Ariel, the house is overflowing with shoes.
In fact, the other day, the UPS man cheerily showed up at the door with a package from Piperlime.
Huh?
I didn't order anything from them and neither did Karen.
Offspring #3 cleared up the mystery:
“Oh, yeah, I ordered new shoes and had them delivered here.”
Talk about planning ahead.
Offspring #3 ordered these strappy pumps before Passover from Piperlime, $60.00. Comments my five foot tall daughter, “They make me sooo much taller. I'm like five-six when I wear them.”
Offspring #3's husband makes his first appearance in Seraphic Secret. He looks, I kid you not, like the young and ungrungy Brad Pitt. And he's got a great fashion sense.
Ma'ayan Ariel loves her little running shoes. Pretty in pink is an understatement.
Even when she's cooking for Passover, Offspring #3 likes to wear nice footwear. It looks like a flower is sprouting from these sandals.
How cute are Ma'ayan Ariel's shiny yellow sandals?
Says Ma'ayan Ariel: “Oh yeah, I just can't wait to get back to New Jersey. Life in L.A. is soooo stressful.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives an inspiring and miraculous Shabbat, and a happy and kosher Passover.
And to our many Christian friends, a Happy Easter.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:59 AM | Comments (12)
March 19, 2010
Friday Footwear
Patriotic heels by Zanotti.
Offspring #2 writes:
I'm obsessed with my new shoes, they make me see almost eye-to-eye with Husband.
Besides attractively elongating the calf and improving posture, high heels are a girl's best friend if said girl is diminutive.
Offspring #2, like her sister and mother, is modestly scaled.
Look, my girlses might be short—in relative inches—but they assert themselves with supreme, um, tallness.
Which is to say that even when I'm looking down at the girlses I feel like I'm looking waaay up. If that makes any sense at all.
I query:
Really cute. Who makes them, how much did they cost, and where did you buy them? Seraphic Secret readers want to know.
Offspring #2 fires back:
Banana Republic. they were originally $120.00 but there was a six-hour online sale so I got them for $70.00.
That's my girl, always on the lookout for a bargain.
Offspring #2 explains:
The weird photo with the dollar bill is Husband's way of showing how high they are.
For the post-modern geisha who wants to stand tall, by the late
Alexander McQueen.
I'm tempted to purchase these Alexander McQueen platforms for Offspring #2. She'd positively tower over Husband. But walking might be something of a problem. At a recent Paris fashion show several models refused to don hyper-platforms for fear of stumbling on the runway and breaking an ankle. Hey, the models are revolting!
Karen and I wish all or friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbat.
Today's must-read: Charles Krauthammer explains How Obama Created the Biden Incident.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 09:01 AM | Comments (6)
February 26, 2010
Friday Footwear
Unfortunate political associations aside, red shoes can be a fashion risk. The color not only pops but frequently overpowers whatever else you're wearing.
But this season, designers have embraced red in a big way, often pairing the powerful hue with bold arcitectural lines.
Red is the new black.
Prada does a clever boot that conjures the boxing
ring. A knock-out for the war between the sexes.
Flirty little red buds sprout on Carolina Herrera's
classic t-strap pump.
Christian Louboutin expertly layers multiple
textures and subtle patterns on this striking shoe.
The classic ballet flat in fire engine red by Omelle,
the hot new brand favored by Sex and the City ladies.
Okay, I'm going to buy these Sergio Rossi platform pumps
for Karen. Classic retro look, and the peep-toe is totally cute.
The late Alexander McQueen created towering platforms with
delicate and enchanting Chinese beadwork. Not recommended for
dancing—or walking. But hey, perfect for Purim!
Can you name the film and actress pictured?
Want to know where Seraphic Secret picks up some cool fashion trends, check out Karen.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a meaningful Shabbat and a joyous Purim.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:26 AM | Comments (12)
February 05, 2010
Friday Footwear
Seraphic Secret readers have become enthusiastic consumers of Friday Footwear. We get more mail about this feature than our oh-so-carefully written poltical and Hollywood essays.
Sigh.
Look, we admit that the insanely pricey stilletos of Christian Louboutin, the multi-tiered heels of Nicholas Kirkwood and the deliriously alien footwear—favored by Lady Gaga—designed by Alexander McQueen...
Shoes by Alexander McQueen
... are, um, architecturally and culturally fascinating, if physically and financially crippling, but we do recognize that real people in the real world usually favor just plain old hard working footwear.
A few of our readers took the liberty of sending in pictures of their favorite shoes.
Enjoy!
And feel free to send in snapshots of your footwear.
From a long time friend and reader: “My mom really wanted me to forward you the pic of her new boots. These are real Lucchese Boots. In Dallas—where I was born and raised, and of course my parents still live there—these are acceptable for Shabbat and the symphony, and she says they are also perfectly comfortable for walking.”
From Earl O'Neill, one of our Australian buddies, a fine photograph of his steel-toe capped workboots shot by his beloved Tanya. We admire the lunar landscape that is inscribed in the worn leather of Earl's boots. Perfect for working in the garden or hiking in the outback.
Frequent commenter/philosopher and good friend Bill Brandt displays the boots he wore in the Army. Look at the shine on those beauties, you can shave in the reflection. Thanks so much for your service.
Rahel, one of our many friends from Israel, practically lives in her Israeli made Teva Naot boots. They are beyond rugged and so unfashionable that they are actually fashionable.
And finally, Karen's mother Celia, proudly displayed her Granny boots to yours truly, saying: “I'll bet you'll never feature my boots on Seraphic Secret. Not fancy enough, right?”
Hey mom, never is not as long as you think.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and restful Shabbat.
I missed February 3, Four Chaplains Day, a story my father, a Chaplain, told me when I was just a child.
The chaplains who sacrificed their lives were the Methodist Reverend George L. Fox, Rabbi Alexander D. Goode, the Roman Catholic Priest John P. Washington and the Reformed Church in America Reverend Clark V. Poling.
Rep. Michele Bachmann (Rep.) did not forget:
Baruch Dayan Ha-emet
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:53 AM | Comments (12)
December 25, 2009
Friday Footwear: A Tale of Two Sizes
I'm sitting on the couch watching Souls for Sale (1923) a wonderful silent film about Hollywood during that very era—homework for next week's The Ten Best Films (I Screened) in 2009—when Karen comes home bearing, you guessed it, new footwear.
Karen slips on the new shoes and says:
“Their called Tuxedo shoes.”
“Right, I can see why.”
“Do you like them?”
“No... I love them.”
Karen's new flats have that Cyd Charisse vibe. I can see us in The Band Wagon (1953)—me instead of Fred Astaire—strolling through Central Park, idly chatting, and then breaking into an elegant and romantic dance.
Karen frowns. “I didn't know what size to get, you know how it is, they feel fine in the store and then you get home and develop blisters and raw spots.”
“I know, I know.”
Karen pulls out another pair of Tuxedo shoes.
An identical pair.
”So I bought two pairs, sizes 6 and 6 ½.”
“Very practical.”
This is like nuclear redundancy. Brilliant.
“They were on sale.”
Karen shows me the price. I'm surprised she didn't purchase even more sizes.
Karen tries on one pair and then the other.
“So, which size feels better?”
Karen has no idea. She's got to make like a test pilot, it's a dangerous mission but somebody's gotta do it.
“You know what they need,” I say.
“What?”
“Pink tights.”
Karen disappears into the closet and then comes out all pretty in pink.
Last night Karen and I attended a wedding and I suggested that the pink tights would beautifully compliment and contrast with her little black dress.
Karen's like, done and done.
During the reception, Adena, our Friday Footwear Louboutin star—a high school friend of the bride—was so wowed by Karen's pink tights that she suggested featuring a special edition.
So, here it is, Karen at the wedding reception.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbat.
And to all our Catholic and Christian friends a very Merry Christmas.
I wanted to keep today's post kinda light-hearted, alas, this not possible. Israel, as a gesture to Obama, removed two check points just last week and now Rabbi Meir Chai HY"D, הי״ד, השם ינקום דמו. May G-d avenge his blood, a father of seven, was murdered in cold blood. My friend Joshua Pundit analyzes why this is yet further evidence that the Arab Israeli conflict has nothing to do with land, borders or so-called refugees. It's about the very existence of Jews and Judaism, and radical Islam's malignant Jew-hatred that has settled comfortably into the liberal global community.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 06:34 AM | Comments (10)
December 10, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Chanukah Edition
For my fashion conscious readers, you can get your Menorah Blahnik Chanukah cards, here.
H/T Rabbi Anonymous
From Chabad's website the story of Chanukah and a fine FAQ.
No less than a dozen of my readers have sent me the following link in the past few hours. It's a wonderful story about a rabbi, a dog, Chanukah and Montana.
And from that fine blog Solomonia, a look at Chanukah and Archeology, When the Hasmoneans Ruled the Negev.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a meaningful Shabbat and an illuminating Chanukah .
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 06:14 PM | Comments (4)
December 04, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Newlywed Edition
Karen and I land in N.Y at about midnight. Offspring #3 and her wonderful husband pick us up and we spend our first night in their extremely neat, extremely clean apartment.
I notice that Offspring #3 has acquired some new shoes, and so this morning, after my daughter finishes cooking—we're all heading over to Offspring #2's for a family Shabbat—I ask Offspring #3 to pose in her new very cute booties.
“Where'd you get them?”
“Mail order Endless.com.”
“Are they comfortable?”
“Nooooo!”
“But you wear them, huh?”
“Already worn them twice.”
That's my girl, willing to sacrifice comfort on the altar of fashion.
This is going to be a wonderful Shabbat, Karen and I will be with our girlses, our granddaughter Ma'ayan Ariel, our wonderful son-in-laws. Visiting from Israel are Karen's brother David, and Yitzchak, husband to Rena, Karen's older sister. And as an extra added bonus, Karen's mother is also joining us. It's going to be a lively Shabbat with lots of food and lots of conversation.
Our entire family wishes you a wonderful and inspiring Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 09:02 AM | Comments (9)
October 30, 2009
Friday Footwear: Danger Heels Edition
Years ago, while in pre-production on a film, I was working with a brilliant wardrobe designer, groping towards a specific look for an actress.
I kept going on and on about blouses and skirts, fabric, cut, texture, silhouette. I was, I sheepishly confess, showing off my knowledge of Hollywood costume design history.
I dropped scholarly references to the great designers: Adrian's (real name: Adrian Adolph Greenberg) brilliant work camouflaging Joan Crawford's linebacker shoulders with padding, Travis Banton's Pygmalion transformation of Carole Lombard (real name: Jane Alice Peters) from a cheap tootsie into a sophisticated clothes horse, and Helen Rose's classically elegant and ultra-feminine chiffon creations for Elizabeth Taylor,
Wardrobe Designer vigorously waved away my suggestions:
“Shoes.”
I was like: “Huh?”
She said: “For women, I build the wardrobe from the ground up. Footwear.”
My head was, I kid you not, spinning.
“The shoes a woman wears defines who she is.”
“Really?”
Wardrobe Designer gestured to an actress tipping around in fire engine nose-bleed stilettos.
“Daddy issues.”
Nodding towards a female production assistant clomping across the sound stage in thick-soled brogues, Wardrobe Designer declared:
“Sudden attack of manhood.”
A light bulb blazed over my head; sweet enlightenment.
Wardrobe Designer concluded:
“Show me a woman's shoes and I can tell you everything about her life.”
“Everything?”
“Everything.”
So, let's take a peek at the latest footwear from some of the most important—meaning pricey—fashion houses, and try to tease some meaning from these intimidating designs.
And hey, while you're at it, ladies, why don't you tell us which heels you favor for your next stroll in the park.
No idea, but double high heels appears unusually
perilous.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and safe Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:24 AM | Comments (26)
October 09, 2009
Friday Footwear: Aunt & Niece Edition
Offspring #3, newly married, arrived in Los Angeles with wonderful son-in-law #2, right before Succot. Thus, we had both girlses, both husbands, and one granddaughter in Casa Avrech at the same time.
Oh joy.
Ever since Ma'ayan Ariel was born a year and a half ago, Offspring #3 has blossomed as a doting and loving aunt, plying Ma'ayan with affection, food and gifts.
Not necessarily in that order.
The latest gift from aunt to niece is—you guessed it—new shoes.
Ma'ayan Ariel knowingly poses in her new shoes and a
freshly baked oatmeal cookie.
Ma'ayan hearts her Mary Janes and the Mary Janes heart Ma'ayan.
Meanwhile, Offspring #3 also bought herself a new pair of shoes. In this way, aunt and niece bopped around town, sisters in footwear.
Offspring #3's shiny red flats. Very red, very shiny. The new shoes look like a Ladybug on steroids.
The red stitching gives the shoe a sleek, streamlined look, a Ferrari on the streets of Beverly Hills.
Totally sensible, totally cute, They've got that adorable Audrey Hepburn vibe—spiced with Bridget Bardot on the Riviera. And hey, maybe Offspring #3 can gain entry into the White House, disguised as a true believer—red, get it?—and secure the position of Footwear Czar.
We wish all our friends and relatives a spiritually nourishing Shabbat, and a joyous Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah.
And hey, congratulations to Barack Hussein Obama for winning The Quisling Prize.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:28 AM | Comments (12)
August 28, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Frum Feminist Edition
A few days ago, Frum Feminist, a Friday Footwear star—for a flashback, click here—called with some very exciting news.
“I got a new pair of shoes.”
“Mazal Tov.”
“I was at Nordstrom's and they just, you know, called out to me.”
“Were they on sale?”
“I wish.”
“What brand?”
I know, I know, I'm sooooo shallow.
“Franco Sarto.”
“Oh, right, Karen has a bunch of his shoes.”
“These are really cute.”
I'm anxiously waiting for one woman—just one—to tell me that her shoes are, ”moderately cute.”
Anyhoo, let's go to the visuals.
Norma Shearer meets Shirley Temple. These casual pumps have that great Hollywood Golden Age vibe. And the fashion fabulosity is the strap over the instep, and the patent leather toe box. Remember when you were a little girl wearily trudging off to school and the streets were still dark and you dreaded a surprise quiz from your math teacher, but, oh joy, your Mary Jane's shined like tiny black planets. Well, these are Mary Jane's all grown up.
Gosh, even one of the Hummels I inherited from my mother, Z'L, hopped off the shelf in the guest room, scooted down to the patio and climbed up to admire Frum Fems latest footwear. Who knew a Hummel could be that smart or mobile?
Not just cute, but footwear good for, um, walking, as Frum Fem demonstrates. No pain. Who said Seraphic Secret only features stratospheric footwear guaranteed to induce a lifetime of back pain. We're practical... sorta.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and luminescent Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:09 AM | Comments (13)
August 14, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Hillcrest Edition
A blogger friend and I were discussing shidduchim and the instant extended families that are created.
“All I ask,” said my friend, “is for the other family to be normal.”
Imagine my delight when I met Offspring #3's new family, a generous and warm—I get lots and lots of hugs—couple from Hillcrest with three lovely daughters and of course our new wonderful son-in-law.
Furthermore, imagine my delight when I observed that the two elder daughters adore—you guessed it—footwear.
In fact, Daughter #2 worked, for a number of years, in fashion footwear.
When I not so casually mentioned Friday Footwear, Daughter #2 flashed the biggest smile I have ever seen on the face of a female human being.
“Women love footwear,” I observed.
“No kidding,” said daughter #2.
So: at the Sheva B'rachot in Hillcrest I snapped a few pics to introduce our readers to the Hillcrest branch of Friday Footwear.
Meet Hillcrest Daughter #1, who looks a lot like Jean Arthur. She's wearing classic open toed pumps in patent leather. Great look for Sheva B'rachot or cocktails at the Brown Derby.
Here comes Hillcrest Daughter #2, a Jewish Barbara Stanwyck. As you can tell, she is the daughter who worked in fashion footwear. These killer heels are a big nod to complex corsets via a python from the Amazon. Dangerous, edgy, but kind of fun, like a carnival on steroids.
When the Hillcrest Daughters—#3 is 11-years old, so she's not doing fashion footwear yet—arrived in Los Angeles for our Sheva B'rachot I asked permission to publish their footwear photos.
Without a moment's hesitation the two beauties shouted: ”Yessssss!”
Oh joy.
Offspring #3 married into, not just a normal family, but a perfect family.
Oh yeah, Hillcrest Daughter #1 is married with children and Daughter #2 is engaged.
Sorry, guys.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and miraculous Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:13 AM | Comments (12)
August 07, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Wedding Edition
Karen bought a pair of killer Calvin Klein heels for Offspring #3's wedding. We couldn't show you the shoes until after Karen wore them. Apparently, it's an unwritten female law. Who knew?
But the wedding is over and we are now free to reveal the wedding footwear.
Here we go:
Were the shoes comfortable?
Karen says: “They were fine.”
She walked down the aisle and then danced for hours without breaking out in blisters or shin splints. Elegant, not tortuous, and on sale at Loehmann's.
Talk about fab-u-losity.
And then we had Offspring #2's wedding shoes from the legendary Badgley/Mischka. The operative word is tulle.
Were the shoes comfortable?
For walking down the aisle: awesome.
For dancing: not so much.
Karen and I are back in Los Angeles hosting Offspring #3, her husband, and her husband's family for the remaining Sheva B'rachot. We all wish you, our friends and relatives, a lovely and joyous Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:49 AM | Comments (8)
July 24, 2009
Friday Footwear Goes Extra Tiny Formal
Now that Ma'ayan Ariel is walking—at first a Charlie Chaplin shuffle, now a much smoother gait—the big question arises:
What footwear is Ma'ayan going to wear at Offspring #3's wedding?
Offspring #2 scours the N.J. malls for formal footwear.
Nothing. Nada. Zero. Apparently there isn't great demand for Extra Tiny formal footwear.
Offspring #2 skips through the internet and finds what she wants, but she can't order them online and can't find a local retail outlet and so Offspring #2 picks up the phone and puts in an emergency call to her mother because it looks like the shoes are available somewhere in Los Angeles.
Karen accepts the mission, hops into her car and zooms off into a sortie to West Hollywood.
Karen describes For Kids Only as: “Loehmann's for kids.”
Target acquired.
Karen pulls the trigger.
And ships the leather shoes back to Teaneck.
Karen goes: “They look a little small.”
I'm like: “Why didn't you get a bigger size?”
“They didn't have a bigger size.”
A few days later Offspring #2 conforms that the shoes arrived.
“Do they fit?”
“Yup.”
Sigh of relief.
I ask if it's okay to reveal the shoes before the wedding, or do we have to keep them top secret until after she wears them?
“Oh, Daddy.”
In fact, Ma'ayan is so in love with her new shoes that she wants to wear them all the time.
Karen and I wish all our friends a relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbat.
Charles Krauthammer explains why Obamacare is sinking.
Israel Matzav reveals that a majority of Israelis—the hard Israeli left is, um, reliably delusional—have finally figured that Barack Hussein Obama cannot be trusted. To which we can only say: What did you expect from a man who described Jew-hater Jeremiah Wright as his “spiritual mentor.”
Let's review: President Obama made an apology tour to Europe and the Middle East, but apologizing to a dedicated and honorable Cambridge police officer is off the table. Gateway Pundit has a nice round-up.
From Front Page Magazine, Jew-hatred at a Jewish Film Festival.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:23 AM | Comments (5)
July 10, 2009
Friday Footwear: Born to Bop
Ma'ayan Ariel loved these shoes, but they don't come in her size.
It happens in the blink of an eye.
Karen and I were in Teaneck just a few weeks ago and Ma'ayan Ariel was cruising along, gripping couches, chairs, walls, using our legs as support.
Two days after arriving home, Karen and I are iChatting with Offspring #2 and at the edge of the computer screen Ma'ayan Ariel is bopping around like a pinball.
“She's walking,” Karen cries.
“Yeah,” says Offspring #3.
I go: “It's a miracle, like the Six Day War.”
A somewhat insane analogy, but whatever.
Ma'ayan Ariel's first walking shoes.
Offspring #3 went shopping for shoes at the local Nordstrom's.
“How'd you pick them? I need details for Friday Footwear.”
“There wasn't much choice, Daddy. These were the only shoes in her size.”
"What's the color, I can't tell, the screen resolution isn't so hot.”
“Pink. Pretty in pink.”
“Cute.”
“Watch out, Daddy,” Offspring #2 grins, “Maya's in training for much more expensive footwear.”
“DNA is a wonderful thing.”
“Soon she'll be talking,” I predict.
“Mow-er! Mow-er! Mow-er!” Cries Ma'ayan Ariel.
Ma'ayan Ariel is ready to walk down the aisle at Offspring #3's August wedding.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a miraculous Shabbat.
My friend Omri Ceren at Mere Rhetoric informs us that it's finally happened: Obama has united Jews and Arabs—in mocking The Dear Leader's moronic Iranian Policy.
Bookworm Room, who might be the only Republican in the Bay Area—hey, how about some stimulus money for that endangered species—observes that Marie Antoinette has taken up residence in the White House. Hmm, what happened to that whole oh-so-fashionable-but-budget-minded J. Crew thing?
Over in happy go lucky Somalia, Weasel Zippers reports that Sharia law is in full bloom as Islamists behead seven people accused of being “Christians” and “Spies”. We fully expect Barack Hussein Obama to apologize to the Muslim world for this latest colonial outrage against the religion of peace.
The always articulate and well informed Charles Krauthammer reminds us that Obama has just promised the Russians military concessions even Jimmy Carter didn't contemplate. Obama has handed a gift to the Russians—who are not our friends—that will most certainly damage America's national security. Obama is not merely naive and inexperienced, he's dangerous.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:59 AM | Comments (8)
June 26, 2009
Top Secret Tool: Offspring #2's Wedding Footwear
To be opened after Offspring #3's August wedding.
“Oooo, I just can't wait for my new shoes to arrive,” says Offspring #2.
Karen and I are spending Shabbat in Teaneck. We're about to sit down for our Friday night Shabbat dinner—Karen and Offspring #2 darted about the kitchen as if in a Offenbach opera—when Offspring #2 sighs loudly, yearning for the shoes she ordered less than 24 hours ago, the shoes born for her sister's upcoming wedding.
“They'll probably arrive Monday or Tuesday,” I offer.
Offspring #2 looks all tragic and suffering, like Jennifer Jones in The Song of Bernadette.
“Oh, but I want them now.”
“'ll bet you're more excited about your new shoes than the gown you're having made, right?”
“Definitely.”
My wonderful son-in-law shakes his head as he pours wine into the Kiddush cup: “I just don't get this thing women have for shoes.”
“Until you get women and their passion for footwear, you will never understand women.” I'm a regular Ludwig Wittgenstein.
Offspring #2 gets into details of the Badgley/Mischka shoes: “They're soooo cute and strappy, perfect wedding shoes with tulle on top.”
My son-in-law perks up. “Tool, you mean like a wrench?”
Karen goes: “Tulle is a fabric, like the wedding veil.”
My son-in-law looks disappointed. He really likes the idea of a wrench or a screwdriver as a shoe ornament.
We stand as he chants the Kiddush. I look at Karen, Offspring #2, and Ma'ayan Ariel, all bathed in the glow of Shabbat candles, and I experience happiness. There is no joy like being a husband, a father and a grandfather.
Meanwhile, Ruti E. writes: “At the last minute, the feet got camera shy. But I HAD to share the fulfilled quest. How many other people would care?”
Yes, Ruti, we care.
Our Israeli cyberfriend—check out the great photos on her blog—finally tracked down much desired turquoise flats and gee, what a relief, we're allowed to show them.
From the Irony File: Iranian dissidents are turning to Israel for assistance in opening up lines of communication with the outside world. They are not appealing to Barack Hussein Obama for he is clearly a weakling. It looks like Israel has inherited the mantle of Leader of the Free World. H/T Wolf Howling.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a miracle in Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:57 AM | Comments (15)
June 05, 2009
Wedding Shoes: Perfect But Top Secret
Trust me, within the black box are Karen's unbelievable shoes for the wedding.
Karen says: “I found the perfect shoes for Offspring #3's wedding.”
I'm like: “Already?”
“Yep. One trip to Loehmann's and there they were. Wanna see?”
“You have to ask?”
Karen flips the lid off the CK box, reaches in and pulls out—I'm not kidding—killer shoes.
“On sale,” says Karen.
Balancing on one foot, Karen slips on the right shoe. She stands back and admires the sleek view.
“Nice, huh?”
“Brilliant.”
Karen slips on the left shoe.
Frowns.
I lean in, study the shoes, something is wrong.
Karen goes: “They gave me two right shoes.”
The love of my life looks stricken, and then spitting angry.
“They sold me two right shoes.”
I feel Karen's pain. The perfect shoes are less than perfect.
Karen yanks the shoes off, shoves them back in the box and grabs her car keys.
“Where you going?”
“Back to Loehmann's to get the left shoe.”
Lillian Gish reacts when she discovers that her lover is dead.
While Karen's on her sortie, I sit back and watch Lillian Gish and Ronald Colman in The White Sister, 1923, a wildly romantic drama about star crossed lovers. Colman's an officer in the Italian army and he's in love with Lillian Gish who comes from this wealthy aristocratic family, but then she gets cheated out of her inheritance by an evil stepmother and ends up penniless and no longer an aristocrat, but still noble, if you get my drift. Then she hears that Colman's been killed in battle and she becomes a nun—the White Sister of the title—but naturally Colman is alive and he returns to marry Gish but now she's married to Jesus and then Mount Vesuvius erupts—don't ask—and really, I'm like melting into a puddle, whimpering like the biggest sissy in the world because this is such a great film.
“Got it.” Karen returns, triumphant.
She models the shoes.
“Great, fab-u-losity. Now I have something for Friday Footwear.”
“No, Robert. You can't show them until after I wear them.”
To be opened after Offspring #3's wedding—in August.
And, oh yeah, Barack Hussein Obama's shameless pandering to the, ahem, Muslim world? One of the most astute commentaries I've read is by Rabbi Steven Pruzansky, our guest lecturer at the Sixth Annual Ariel Avrech Lecture, on June 21.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 06:55 AM | Comments (13)
May 15, 2009
Friday Footwear: Ma'ayan Ariel Says, “I'm Almost Walking.”
Clara Bow adores men who appreciate Friday Footwear.
Ma'ayan Ariel is learning to walk.
It looks like she's skipping the interim crawling stage.
She's still gripping furniture like a wary rock climber shuffling along a precarious ledge on Yellowstone's Half Dome. Ma'ayan Ariel smiles and jabbers away in her private language, feeling glory and power in her widening world. When she comes to a difficult spot—the end of a piece of furniture—she just shifts and back tracks.
It's all good, whatever the direction.
Every once in a while Ma'ayan Ariel will halt, hold out a little hand and try standing on her own.
She wobbles unsteadily for a second, and then—
—Kaboom.
On her tushy she lands. Ma'ayan Ariel looks around, trying to figure out what happened, then she smiles hugely, hoists herself up and bops along.
Offspring #2 buys Ma'ayan Ariel a pair of too cute canvas shoes—oh, those adorable little hearts—and texts me a low-rez phone pic.
I immediately call back and beg for better pics for Friday Footwear.
“Um, Daddy, my camera's batteries are dead.”
Sheesh, haven't I taught my girlses the importance of equipment redundancy? Casa Avrech is bursting with extra batteries in most every drawer.
So: I can't just tell Offspring #2 to run out and buy batteries because when you're a young mommy with a baby at home, every sortie into the wider world is a massive effort involving getting dressed, getting the baby dressed, packing up the baby bag with diapers, extra clothing, making sure there's food and milk, dragging the stroller down the stairs and into the street. And then mommy and baby have to climb into the car, buckle into the car seat, lose a precious parking spot, drive, park, unbuckle, schlep into the store with all the gear, all the time hoping that Ma'ayan will not be hungry, tired, cranky...
It's exhausting.
Offspring #2 says: “I know, Offspring #3 just came over to visit, maybe she has her camera. I'll look.”
“If not, how about borrowing a camera from one of your friends in the building.”
“Oh, yeah, that's an idea.”
An hour later, Offspring #2's photos arrive.
Ma'ayan Ariel zooms along in her nifty new footwear.
Ma'ayan Ariel says: “Next stop, Christian Louboutin!”
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a miracle in Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:07 AM | Comments (7)
May 01, 2009
Friday Footwear: America's Next Top Model Edition—Sorta
“Hey, cute shoes, are they new?”
“Sorta.”
“Perfect for Friday Footwear.”
I'm waiting for Offspring #2 to volunteer to pose.
And waiting.
“You wanna pose?”
“Later.”
Hmmm.
A few days later:
“Ready to pose?”
Offspring #2 heaves a weary sigh:
“In a few minutes.”
A few minutes later:
“Now?”
“O-kay.”
I grab my camera, step outside to the courtyard and look for a patch of light. Golden light to compliment the strappy golden footwear.
“Okay, lean back, back, straighten out your foot...”
“My back hurts.”
“Turn this way, lean over...”
“My shoulder hurts...”
“Hold still...”
“I'm soooo uncomfortable, daddy.”
“And you make fun of me for watching America' Next Top Model. Look how hard those girls work, think of all the pain they endure, think of their amazing sacrifices for fashion.”
“Are we finished?”
“Uh, yeah.”
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:49 AM | Comments (15)
April 24, 2009
Friday Footwear: It's Raining Louboutin Edition
“Why didn't you tell me your father's doing woman's footwear on his blog?”
Offspring #2 shrugs and sighs. For this daughter Friday Footwear falls under the category of been there, done that.
Adena, BFF with Offspring #2 since yeshiva elementary school, is radiant with joy when I invite her to pose for Friday Footwear.
“I love, love, love shoes,” she sings.
A few days later, Adena arrives at Casa Avrech schlepping an overflowing shopping bag.
“What have we got here?” I inquire.
“Fabulosity.”
“I love my Louboutin!” Adena cries.
“What is it you love?”
Solemn delivery: “Toe cleavage, very important.”
“Gotcha.”
“And in my business, let's face it, Louboutin's are a, no, the status symbol.”
Adena works for a hoo-ha fashion company—her riff on styling a, uh, temperamental Oscar nominated actress for Academy Awards night is priceless—so the value of status laden clothing cannot be overstated.
“Are the Louboutin's comfortable?”
“Noooooo. Well, not totally excruciating, but definitely not like, y'know, comfortable.”
“So you ignore the ouch factor.”
“Well, sure. Footwear means a lot to women. Probably more than any other article of clothing. We'll put up with quite a bit of pain to look good.”
As Adena poses, she provides Talmud-like commentary on females and footwear. I'm all David Hemmings in Blow Up.
Snick!
Snick!
Snick!
Meanwhile, Adena's Blackberry chirps with alarming regularity.
Adena scans the torrent of incoming text messages and responds with a blur of flying fingers.
“Who is it?” I ask.
“My boss.”
“It's Sunday.”
“I'm on call 24/7.”
“Brutal business this styling gig.”
“Well, yuh.”
Adena, tall and sleek—a Jewish Blake Lively—is Shomer Shabbos, strictly kosher, and a devoted wife to a wonderful young man. She swims in the world of Hollywood fashionistas but remains unpretentious, totally devoid of the shiny and brittle exterior that afflicts so many in La-La Land.
Adena is still the girl who, since childhood, speaks to Offspring #2 on the phone and always ends the conversation with: “I love you.”
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 06:25 AM | Comments (18)
April 17, 2009
Friday Footwear: Ma'ayan Ariel Steps Out
Ma'ayan Ariel pulls herself to an upright position. Like a rock climber, she seeks secure hand holds and then inches along walls, bookshelves, tables. At first, her legs wobbled like a new born colt, but in the few days she's been in L.A., her muscles have gained strength and she's increasingly confident of her abilities.
Ma'ayan's adorable Quilt Shoes throw off American vibes—quilting bees, patchwork skirts, rural roads in Pennsylvania. Ribbed rubber soles help Ma'ayan gain traction. In this picture, Ma'ayan cruises along the pool fence. She looks up at the surrounding adults, her face is luminous with joy for she knows that soon she will be walking, jumping, skipping, and running like the wind.
Passover is, um, over and Jews everywhere find themselves drowning in a surplus of Matzoh.
What to do?
Here's an instructional video: 20 Thing To Do With Matzoh.
My friend, Shrink Wrapped, a wise Psychiatrist and acute observer of the current political landscape, views the Obama release of classified CIA memos for what it is: The Suicidal Pursuit of Perfection.
President Obama has, in effect, tied his own hands in the war against radical Islam. In short, Barack Hussein Obama is going to get a lot of innocent people killed.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:09 AM | Comments (5)
April 03, 2009
Friday Footwear: First Steps Edition
Yehuda Yaakov's first shoes.
Seraphic Secret reader and frequent commenter Alter Ben Zion kindly sent the a-dorable picture of his son Yehuda Yaakov's first shoes, Seraphic Secret favorites: Saddle Oxfords.
Lucky little boy.
I'm greatly relieved that Alter Ben Zion did not have the shoes bronzed.
I don't know, do people bronze their baby's first shoes anymore?
When I was a kid, growing up in the 50's, bronzing was all the rage. I'd stare at the inert, lifeless bulk—no longer shoes, but a kind of gift for a pagan afterlife—and I shivered in fear.
I distinctly remember asking my parents if they did that with my first shoes and when I was told, “No,” I was hugely relieved.
Anyhoo.
Saddle shoes developed from the classic two-tone golfing shoe of the 1910's. The two-tone style was a ghost of the gaiter or spat popular in the Victorian era. The golf shoe morphed into the casual brogue, and from there the Saddle Oxford was born. In the 1950's the saddle shoe became a teenage icon. The rage continued until about 1962 when suede Hush Puppies and Penny Loafers claimed the youth market.
Hollywood leading man Warren William in
nifty two-tone brogues, 1930's.
Last Shabbos I took a deep breath and wore my new Saddle Shoes to shul. The following are quotes, from several shul buddies, after services, during our early minyan's kiddush, over to-die-for cholent:
Shul Buddy #1: “Oh man, I used to wear Saddle Shoes!”
He heaves a huge sigh and looks like Proust's haunted narrator from In Search of Lost Time.
Shul Buddy #2: “Robert, you never fail.”
Yours truly is not sure if this is a compliment or not.
What-ever.
Shul Buddy #3: “Are saddle shoes back in style!?”
Me: “Yes, and you better get with the program!”
Shul Buddy #3: “My wife would kill me.”
Me: “Are you a man or a mouse?”
Shul Buddy #3 slugs back a shot of whiskey.
Yehuda Yaakov says: “I love my saddle
shoes! Can I get another pair?”
Karen and I—and, hey, newly engaged Offspring #3 just landed in L.A—wish our relatives and friends a lovely and miraculous Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 08:49 AM | Comments (8)
March 27, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Couture, Uzi, and Shoe Goddess Edition
Lunch at Pat's with Florence Azria AKA The Shoe Goddess.
“It is so amazing to meet someone after just knowing them on-line,” says Florence.
Ah, that lilting French accent, for Florence is originally from Paris. I feel just like Gene Kelly in An American in Paris.
Florence does not lean in for a Hollywood style kiss. She knows that I'm orthodox and doesn't want to embarrass me with inappropriate behavior.
“My family is originally from Morocco. My father fought in Israel's War of Independence.”
Backstory: a few weeks ago Karen's favorite boots were stolen from the gym where she exercises. Yes, that's right, women—and we know who did the deed—actually steal footwear.
The boots that started it all.
We try to locate a new pair, but no success.
Refusing to accept defeat, I Google like mad and end up on Florence's website: The Shoe Goddess.
Light bulb over head.
Maybe Shoe Goddess will be able to help.
So: I fire off a desperate e-mail seeking advice, information, Sherlock style clues. The Shoe Goddess quickly responds. Shoe Goddess is very sorry but even she is unable to find the boots or the manufacturer.
Oh, well.
In appreciation for her kind efforts, I send Florence a Friday Footwear post. Florence tells me how much she enjoys my writing. The e-mails fly back and forth. Before you know it, we are cyber friends, brought together by, um, footwear. But Judaism is the mortar of the relationship.
Florence extends sincere condolences on the loss of Ariel ZT'L .
Several years ago, Florence had a brush with cancer. Once finished with the chemotherapy, she had an epiphany and vowed to change her priorities and give back to her new home, Los Angeles. Now, Florence is involved with A Place Called Home, a local organization that seeks to rescue kids from gangs. All the advertising proceeds from Shoe Goddess go directly to the charity.
Just the other day, The Wall Street Journal did a piece on Florence. And Women's Wear Daily, the bible of the fashion world, also covered Florence's charity work..
Meet Florence, The Shoe Goddess, in her beyond cute
Lanvin pumps.
In Pat's, a prominent Rabbi stops by our table to schmooze. After a few seconds, I begin to suspect that Prominent Rabbi spotted yours truly with a beautiful and stylish woman—not the love of my life—and he's checking out the situation.
I may reside in Los Angeles, but I live in a shtetl.
Soon, Karen joins us for coffee—hush, hush sweet yentas—and our conversation ranges far and wide. Florence's Sephardic heritage, of which she is fiercely proud, has given her a rock-solid love of Judaism. She speaks in glowing terms of her Kabbalistically inclined mother. Her voice drops a few notches as she remembers the untimely death of her proud father.
Finally, we get down to her really great pumps.
“They are Lanvin, designed by Alber Elbaz, the only fashion designer who can field strip an Uzi.”
I'm like: “Wha?”
“Alber is Israeli, born in Morocco. He served in the Israeli army.”
Oh.
My.
Gosh.
I turn to Karen: “I knew there was a reason I admired Lanvin's Fall collection so much.”
Hmm, if this gets out, leftie lunatics will boycott Lanvin.
Oh, wait, they're mostly a bunch of ill-bred, and very poorly dressed knuckleheads.
Alber Elbez, IDF veteran, Lanvin's
guiding hand.
Florence's Lanvin pumps speak with smooth authority. The denim blue is a wink towards the ruggedly casual, but the blond wooden heels reference the Arts & Crafts Movement where elegant and functional simplicity is celebrated. These pumps exclaim: “I am sassy as Joan Blondell sprinkled with the soft as silk Sylvia Sydney. Mixed together I am empowered. Voila.”
Florence believes we were brought together for a reason: “It is,” she says, “a sign that I should learn Torah.”
And so we have come full circle: Karen's boots are stolen, but the end result is a spiritual awakening.
There are worlds within worlds.
Robert's saddle shoes say hello, bonjour, and shalom to Florence's Lanvin pumps.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a miracle in Shabbos.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 12:47 AM | Comments (12)
March 20, 2009
Friday Footwear: Ma'ayan Ariel Loafs Around
Ma'ayan Ariel's red loafers.
Last week Karen and I joined family and friends in Teaneck, N.J., for Ma'ayan Ariel's first birthday party. One of the gifts—not from yours truly—was a pair of loafers, blazing red shoes. Ma'ayan Ariel slipped them on and studied them for a few moments, then pulled them off and tried to chew them. The traditional method used by native Americans to soften their deerskin moccasins.
Ma'ayan Ariel is a lovely and cheerful little girl. Her smile is radiant and her good nature shines through. Though she does not yet talk, she verbalizes all the time with a variety of sounds. Ma'ayan Ariel's mother, Offspring #2, has taught Ma'ayan Ariel baby sign language that greatly aids communication. How cute is it when Ma'ayan Ariel signs that she's hungry by bringing her little fist to her mouth?
Ma'yan Ariel wishes all our friends and relatives a miracle in Shabbos.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 09:26 AM | Comments (11)
March 13, 2009
Friday Footwear: Karen Buckles Down Edition
Fashionable English ladies, 1780. Notice the shoe buckles.
“I'm in Loehmann's.”
“Great, any cute shoes?”
“Didn't you get the pictures I sent?”
I check the inbox on my phone:
“Nope, nothing.”
“Well anyway, there are two pairs I really like and just I can't decide.”
“Describe the little beauties.”
“Oh, well, I dunno... Okay: the first are Calvin Klein's, sort of silver, no maybe pewter—”
“Like the color of a gun?”
Karen ignores this, recognizing that I'm kind of dopey when it comes to firearms and footwear.
“And they have a really beautiful silver buckle across the toe.”
"Buckles are excellent.”
“And the second pair are made by, uh, lemme take a look: Me Too—never heard of them—simple black ballet flats, but really cute patent leather with a nice bow.”
"Bows are also excellent.”
"But I'm really not doing them justice.You need to see them.”
Karen's Calvin Klein buckle flats. Definitely pewter.
The first shoe buckles, simple and functional, were worn by men during the 1660's. But Louis XIV, The Sun King, saw a golden opportunity to make a statement of wealth and privilege. In 1685 the King ordered a pair of diamond encrusted shoe buckles for 351,258 livres, which, I assume, was a great deal of money.
Naturally, women jealously evaluated the King's uber-fashionable footwear and wanted a piece of the sartorial action. Between 1760 and 1780 fashion conscious women in France, England, Germany and Italy, en masse, snipped off the silk ribbons on their shoes and replaced them with fancy-shmancy buckles. Soon, buckles turned into enormous and hugely expensive pieces of jewelry that signaled the wearer's pecking order in high society.
Drama ensued as some of the more, er, upright members of society viewed buckles as a sure sign of decadence.
From a 1693 British pamphlet:
Ribbons, however, are more proper and modest than these gaudy new closures, which, moreover, make them suffer as they irritate the bones of the vain ones, which should quickly make them repent their exhibitionism and their extravagant ideas. Let us sincerely hope that all sensible persons with strong notions of honour will abstain from the usage of these vulgar ornaments. It is up to all fathers to solemnly warn their young that such ostentation is forbidden by Holy Scripture.
Naturally, after such pious warnings, buckles became more popular than evuh!
These days, the buckle on woman's footwear rarely serves a utilitarian purpose. No, the modern buckle is a phantom limb, a remembrance of footwear past, a time when kings and queens paraded through immense palaces in shoes crowned with diamond encrusted gold buckles—while outside, the peasants went barefoot.
Not surprisingly, the glorious age of buckles came to an end with the French Revolution when all deputies gave up their gold buckles for the benefit of the national treasury.
But now, Karen proudly wear shoes with buckles, for the footwear of aristocrats has filtered down society's ladder, and all women feel like queens and princesses.
Oh yeah, Karen also purchased the patent leather ballet flats, because, well, they are labeled: Me Too.
Karen and I are now in Teaneck, N.J., to help celebrate the first year birthday of our granddaughter Ma'ayan Ariel. We wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 12:31 AM | Comments (13)
March 06, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Saddle-Up Edition
Brooklyn, 1957.
My mother and I are walking along Coney Island Avene and Ave. J. I need a new pair of shoes. In the window of the shoe store my gaze hits the black and white saddle shoes.
I want those,” I chirp.
My mother says: “We'll see.”
Inside, the shoe salesman, my mortal enemy—“They'll stretch out with wear, not to worry!”—shoe horns my feet into the pliable saddle shoes.
I look down and smile because I look just like the big kids in the movies, those impossibly handsome and free-wheeling teenage boys who dance in coffee shops with pony-tailed “chicks” in poodle skirts and bobby sox. After several fortifying milk shakes, the whole gang jump into sleek convertibles, zoom down to Zuma Beach and ride the waves.
Bill Haley and His Comets rock the sound track.
My mother asks: “How much?”
The salesman looks at the box and tells her the price.
Over ten dollars.
My mother says: “They're not practical anyway, Robert. The white will scuff.”
As G-d is my witness, someday I'll have enough money to buy saddle shoes!
At last, yours truly has kept his vow.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and miraculous Shabbat.
The best source for Saddle shoes in the known galaxy is Muffy's. This family business stocks an amazing variety of styles and colors—some exclusive to Muffy's—for men and women, and their prices are excellent, though still over ten dollars. Saddle shoe heaven.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:38 AM | Comments (25)
February 26, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Chartres Edition
Years ago, while in pre-production, I was working with our brilliant but mercurial Wardrobe Designer, groping towards a specific and unique look for an actress.
I kept talking about blouses and skirts, fabric, cut, silhouette. I was, I admit, showing off my knowledge of Hollywood costume design history. I dropped learned references to the great designers: Adrian's (real name: Adrian Adolph Greenberg) brilliant work camouflaging Joan Crawford's linebacker shoulders with sharp padding, Travis Banton's Pygmalion transformation of Carole Lombard (real name: Jane Alice Peters) from a cheap tootsie into a sophisticated clothes horse, and Helen Rose's classically elegant and ultra-feminine chiffon creations for Elizabeth Taylor,
My Wardrobe Designer waved away my suggestions and said:
“Shoes.”
I was like: “Huh?”
She said: “For women, I build the wardrobe from the ground up. Footwear.”
My head was, I kid you not, spinning.
“The shoes a woman wears defines who she is.”
“Really?”
Wardrobe Designer gestured to an actress tipping around in fire engine nose-bleed stilettos.
“Daddy issues.”
Nodding towards a female production assistant clomping back and forth in thick-soled brogues, Wardrobe Designer said:
“Sudden attack of manhood.”
Light bulb ablaze over head. Ah, enlightenment.
Wardrobe Designer concluded: “Show me a woman's shoes and I know everything about her.”
“Everything?”
“Everything.”
Our interior designer, the exacting, but client-friendly Erin is back. So much work and so many visits to get a master bedroom into a livable, sleepable, workable space.
Looking all crisp and businesslike in dark pencil skirt inscribed with barely-there pinstripes, Erin listens as our electrician explains why he missed an appointment at Casa Avrech the other day:
“My union called me, out of the nowhere, said I had to take an unscheduled drug test. It's like this thing the union does with the membership.”
Erin chuckles, makes excellent small talk, putting the electrician at ease, then shoots across the room and examines an outlet. She talks placement, junction boxes, annoying wall studs. The electrician is putty in her hands. Erin is simultaneously boss-lady and girl-buddy. She's got that elegant Norma Shearer vibe cross referenced with tough girl Ida Lupino.
Her shoes—on sale at Saks—definitely carry the message.
Ruby Keeler's dancing shoes in the 1933 classic 42nd Street.
Yes, that's what these Chanel pumps reference.
But the design builds on Keeler's single strap shoes. Chanel adds two more straps—good things come in three's—and with the needle high heel we're getting a sultry hint of the combustible Brigitte Bardot in Viva Maria.
As we've said in previous posts, great footwear:
1. Inspires awe.
2. Intimidates with tiny shivers of fear.
And now we add a third commandment: Great footwear has:
3. Architectural presence.
The three straps echo the great flying buttresses of the Chartres Cathedral.
And the three pale shoe buttons recall the Napoleonic march of ivory buttons on leather opera gloves—a great romantic gesture—think Jeanette MacDonald in, oh, any of her light opera movies.
How to describe the color of the shoes?
Frankly, yours truly is stumped. It's an existential moment. Where to turn, what to do?
I consult with my friend Florence Azria, AKA The Shoe Goddess, a woman who has an almost Kabbalistic relationship with shoes.
Florence kvells over Erin's shoes and absolutely nails the color:
“Blush.”
Slip me on, whisper the shoes, and I will transform you into a terrifyingly capable woman, a woman who can easily kibitz with rough hewn electricians, go on to design and build great spaces—and yet remain special forces feminine.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 02:12 PM | Comments (24)
February 20, 2009
The Frum Feminist Steps Out
“What's taking her so long?”
On the set of one of my films a few years ago, our leading lady, a star, a diva, an incredibly beautiful woman, was holding up the shoot. In answer to my question, our director threw up his hands in despair. He and Leading Lady had stopped speaking to one another on the first day of production.
Yeah, things were that bad.
As writer slash producer, I stepped in. Time is money and we were two hours behind schedule.
Which translates to approximately one-hundred large.
The hair stylist was working on Leading Lady. Into the trailer I stepped and politely but firmly said:
“We have five more set ups today, we need you on set.”
Leading Lady stared at my reflection in her mirror and sighed: “Do you know how hard it is to look casually glamorous?”
“You mean that casual look you do isn't really casual?”
Leading Lady smiled sweetly, but with a perfect hint of malice said: “Men.”
Be aware: movie stars don't get irony.
This is all to introduce Frum (Yiddish: Orthodox Jew) Feminist, who shows up at Casa Avrech looking casually windswept, but perfectly put together.
She's got that Odile Gilbert hair that women in N.Y. and L.A. pay for through the nose. It's Demure School Marm meets Rita Hayworth in Gilda—lustrous hair tightly bound in front but exploding—a grenade of tresses—at the back.
I like Frum Feminist's blog. I like her individuality, her romantic nature rubbing against a few conventions of the Orthodox Jewish community.
Frum Feminist tells me she likes Seraphic Secret.
Dragging toe through dirt: “Aw, shucks. Is it my sharp take on politics, my muscular military analysis, my inside tales of Hollywood decadence?”
“I like Friday Footwear.”
Sigh.
Head in hands.
“Shoes,” says Frum Feminist with a knowing smile, “are important to women.”
No kidding.
A Colt Peacemaker. Yes, a single action six-shooter.
That's the image that pops into my head. I'm talking the perfect accessory for Frum Fem's boots.
Last week Seraphic Secret inscribed this commandment: “The best footwear inspires awe.”
True.
But there is more.
Just as there are layers in souls, there are layers in, er, soles.
Commandment #2: The best footwear also intimidates, the best footwear—we're talking cyoot, niiice, o-sum, fab-u-lus, choose your adj.—inspires a shiver of fear.
These sleek boots effortlessly fuse the classical western cowboy style—sharp toe, raised heel, pronounced stitching—with the aerodynamic modern stiletto. It's Dolly Parton meets Danica Patrick by way of Barbara Stanwyck in Forty Guns. Notice the distressed metal disc, a clever wink at the old burnished steel of spurs and elaborate Mexican saddles.
Frum Fem is a proud member of the NRA, but she suspects that too many young men in our community will shy away from such a forthright frum lady:
“Oy-vey,” wail the boys in Beth Midrash, “a frum fatale!”
But somewhere in the teeming Jewish universe a Yeshivish Gary Cooper is on a parallel journey. He squints in the sunlight, sees the kick of light off Frum Fem's adorably dangerous boots, and striding down main street with sharp, percussive beats over the soundtrack, he says:
“Howdy, I'm your Bashert.”
Karen and I wish all our friends—that means you, our readers—and relatives a lovely and restful Shabbat.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:23 AM | Comments (19)
February 13, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Not Cute Edition
Karen says: “Those are nice shoes.”
Huh? I'm like totally confused.
Is the earth being devoured by a White Dwarf?
What happened to “cute?” Everyone knows that the accepted compliment on ladies footwear is: “Your shoes are really cute.”
Or:
“Fab-u-lous shoes, soooo cute.”
Cute is—really kids, this is basic as gravity—the gold standard of footwear compliments.
But Karen, as I've known since third grade, is a woman who chooses her words carefully. Karen's precise. Karen's a woman of many layers.
Erin smiles, says thank you and arches her ankle so Karen can get a good look.
“Are they Chanel?”
Erin, a talented and client-friendly designer—no hissy fits, no battles over Damask costing the earth—has a great look. Whenever in Casa Avrech she's wearing excellent outfits and always, perfect footwear. The lady has that oh-I put-this-together-at-the-last-minute-look resulting in awesomely chic ensembles that are a huge and much needed corrective here in L.A. where women on Rodeo Drive proudly sport furry vests—like overgrown Tribbles—paired with crotch-skimming jeans that cost a grand, and for footwear: ugh, Uggs.
There are no words.
“No, they're Via Roma 15. I got them at Fred Segal. They're just like a pair of Prada's I have, you know, cap toe, low heel, with the little string bow.”
Karen nods, serious as Madame Curie.
And once again: “Nice.”
Imagine: A simple strand of pearls, a buttery cashmere sweater, an airy silk blouse, a perfect flannel pencil skirt—and the cap toe flats. Rejoice, the look is urging your inner Grace Kelly to bloom in exquisite Technicolor. These flats take you into the Brentwood Country Club, an afternoon matinee at The Grove, evening cocktails. They are tailor made for zipping around town shopping for picky, picky clients:
“No, no,” cries Erin, “I do not do tchotchkes. With the aid of my zen-perfect footwear I define and create space that nourishes the human body—and soul.”
Karen sees beyond the laws of nature . She knows that the best footwear inspires awe. Erin's cap toe flats are timeless, classic.
Be aware, perfection is happening.
At last, I begin to comprehend.
Nice is above cute.
Nice identifies footwear that is necessary.
The White Dwarf retreats to the outer edges of the universe.
Earth, my home, is safe.
Karen and I wish all or friends and relatives a miracle in Shabbos.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:57 AM | Comments (18)
February 06, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Lubavitch Edition
The girls are spitting mad.
“How dare she say that about Lubavitch women.”
“Did you hear what she said about her daughter marrying a Republican?”
“We happen to dress beautifully.”
Karen and I are having Friday night Shabbos dinner with close friends, a Lubavitch family from our Los Angeles neighborhood. There are three daughters, stunning young women who dress modestly but at the height of fashion.
They have all seen or read Susie Essman's hateful comments from The View and are properly indignant.
The girls have not seen Loving Leah, they do not watch TV—smart, the more TV you watch the dumber you become—but Susie Essman's bigotry and Jew hatred, yes, this is classic Jew hatred, typical of so-called enlightened secular Jews towards the Orthodox, has spread to the entire Orthodox Jewish community.
Let's hear from Susie, proud liberal, fashion and beauty expert:
“I learned that they're [Lubavitch Hasidic women] not very good dressers.”
“Have you seen what these women look like?”
Sigh.
Head in hands.
Susie, have you seen what you look like?
Susie, Susie, Susie, you asked for this, you really did.
1. Your hair is about as fashionable as a mullet. Rethink the wig option.
2. For women of a certain age, short hemlines are just plain sad.
3. The pattern on your outfit is hid-e-ous. Have you stepped into a puddle?
4. Too much cleavage. Trust us, you do not want to draw attention.
5. You have slit-eyes—buck up, so did Jean Harlow—next time make them pop instead of receding into your skull like Paleolithic woman. For an excellent beauty primer we recommend Bobbi Brown's book.
6. Footwear: your boots are too tight, hence your legs look like sausages. A longer hemline would have fixed this train wreck. That's Fashion 101.
And Susie, I'm going easy on you.
Oh yeah, the only woman on The View who knows how to dress is Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the lone Republican.
Anyhoo.
Sarah, not her real name, is wearing a beautiful and modest outfit with a jaunty silk scarf around her throat—she's got that Maureen O'Hara in The Quiet Man thing going on with thick, lustrous hair and a milk maid, porcelain complexion.
Helping her mother and sisters serve the delicious Shabbos meal, Sarah heads into the kitchen.
“Cute shoes,” exclaims Karen.
Oh my gosh: killer bootlets.
I'm like: “Hey, Sarah, how about posing for Friday Footwear, let's show the world how a young Lubavitch lady wears fashionable footwear.”
“Absolutely! The chutzpah of that woman!”
Calling Jean Paul Gaultier. These bootlets have a great sleek line, the fabric is taut, like the skin of black panther, and the peek-a-boo toe is all flirty and very Irene Dunne. But the laces in the back seal the deal. That's why we think of bad boy Gaultier, the languid ribbons and the corset-like eyelets are uber-sophisticated, dangerously adorable, and the entire look cries out: “We are cute, fashionable and we are Lubavitch women!”
Karen and wish all our friends and relatives a miracle in Shabbos.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:59 AM | Comments (19)
January 30, 2009
Friday Footwear: The Guess Who Edition
Charles “Buddy” Rogers checks out Mary Pickford's
footwear, My Best Girl, 1928.
We should write about: Gaza, or Hamas, or Hizbullah, or Iran, or Pakistan, or Wazirastan, or Londonistan, or Amsterdan, or the ahem, stimulus package, or the temper tantrum at Davos, or the jihad enabling mainstream media, or Samantha “We Should Invade Israel” Power, or Obama closing Gitmo, or Obama dismantling the firewall that protects this republic from transnational terrorists, or Obama sucking up to the Jew-hating Arab Muslim world.
But:
Hey, it's Friday.
Friday Footwear, kids, AKA Girls Love Footwear, and we do have our priorities. And because we are completely superficial and because we are suffering from serious Obama fatigue—it feels like he's been President for-evuh—we will not shirk our duty but move forward with this blog's most anticipated—sad really—and popular feature.
“Daddy, did you get the footwear picture I sent?”
“Lemme check.”
I click into my Gmail account and there it is, an attachment from Offspring #2.
Oh joy!
“Hey, those are great.”
“Guess who's modeling the shoes?”
Oh man, I hate trick questions.
“Offspring #3?”
“Nope.”
“You?”
“Nooo.”
I am in a mental cul de sac.
“Who is it?”
“Mommy!”
“Get out of town.”
I realize in a stunning rush of clarity that my three girlses all have the same slim ankles. DNA can be a wonderful thing.
"The shoes are mine but Mommy wanted to try them on. She really likes them.”
“But Mommy's not wild about high, high heels.”
“These are Banana Republic, they have a special platform support that makes them really comfortable.”
Wow, magic high-heels. Will wonders never cease.
“What about the color, what is it?”
“Taupe.”
So that's taupe. A word I have never used and a color I have never recognized in my entire life.
“Hard to dress.”
“Oh no, taupe's a neutral. Goes with everything.”
“Cute.”
Excellent tapering heel, like an upside down skyscraper.
“Yah, really cute.”
“You did well.”
“Thanks, daddy.”
“No, thank you, now I can fill my Friday Footwear slot.
Karen comments: “I should have been wearing sheer stockings with the shoes, black doesn't really go.”
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbos.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:50 AM | Comments (23)
January 23, 2009
Friday Footwear and, Um, Covert Ops
Lilyan Tashman says: “You go girl!”
Obama, Gaza, Obama, Gitmo, Obama, Geithner, Obama, Kennedy, Obama, Sulzberger, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama.
Bet you thought Seraphic Secret was going to write about you know who.
Well no, sorry, today is Friday Footwear and even the Anointed One gets bumped.
We do have our priorities.
“I'm in Bloomingdale's.”
Who is this? Surely not the love of my life who is allergic to the snooty, overpriced aisles of Bloomie's.
“Wha?”
“Let me explain they're having a sale in the shoe department and I just found boots that are 40% off and another 15% off if you get a Bloomingdale's charge card and there was absolutely nothing at Loehmann's and I was just window shopping and saw the Big Sale sign at Bloomindale's so what do you think?”
Delivered in single burst, like on Purim when the sons of Haman are named in one hurried and scornful breath.
“And the boots are?”
“Really cute.”
I'm like totally sold. “Hurry home.”
An hour later Karen slips into the boots and whoa, on the sole is the following inscription: STUART.
As in Weitzman.
I'll bet Karen does not know that Stuart Weitzman was briefly in the CIA before he turned shoe designer.
A totally logical career progression if you ask moi.
These boots are crafted for treading lightly over the rain-slick cobblestones of some dreary East European capital where CIA agentess Karen is receiving state secrets from a freedom loving partisan. And then, whoosh, she disappears into a swirling shroud of fog. Only to reappear in skin tight jodhpurs, Victorian blouse with ruffles at the neck, velvet riding jacket, and wicked silver spurs strapped to her boots. It's off to the hounds where our Jewish Mata Hari cleverly extracts valuable intel from corrupt iron curtain officials.
Dissolve:
Betrayed by a double agent, Karen sits in her tiny cell, in a terrifying women's prison. She awaits her fate with courage and stoicism. She will not break, even under torture.
“My footwear,” she cries, “gives me strength!”
Madame Verushka, the inexplicably kindly warden, allows our heroine to keep her boots. For warmth, for defensive kicks against hissing female assassins, for the perfectly timed prison break—that brings Karen home, bruised but unbowed, to America, to freedom.
Ah, footwear that multi-tasks, heavenly!
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and meaningful Shabbos.
Posted by Robert J. Avrech at 07:41 AM | Comments (16)
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