Lulu Guiness American Flag Lip Clutch
Dear Robert:
I really enjoy your Friday Footwear and Friday Fashion features. Though I can’t wear the high heels you feature, I’ll tip over and hit the pavement, I do enjoy keeping up with the glittery crowd. I know this is weird, but I have a fashion question. I’m going to attend some tea party rallies, but I don’t want to be one of those people who just wears T-shirts, jeans and flip-flops. What do you recommend?
Desperately Patriotic But Tragically Unfashionable
Dear DPBTU:
Thanks so much for writing. Karen has been telling me for quite a while that I should multi-task as a fashion critic/screenwriter/man about town. So I’m delighted to weigh in on your fashion dilemma.
You are what you wear, so for a Tea Party, your clothing should proclaim your patriotism, love of liberty and fashion.
T-shirts and jeans. Boring. Unless worn by Kate Moss. So, yes, it’s a good idea to steer clear from this oh-so-tedious uniform.
As to flip-flops, my advice is simple and deeply felt:
Throw.
Them.
Away.
Seriously, flip-flops do nothing but make you walk like a duck. And that slapping sound is sooo annoying. It’s like a leper’s bell announcing your arrival. Civilization is imperiled by these crimes against footwear.
Here are a few ideas on the proper wardrobe and accessories for Tea Parties and Town Hall Meetings. But if you live in a Democrat district and show up in these outfits, you can be sure that your questions will be ignored. In fact, you’ll probably be barred from entering by the SEIU goons who enforce for the Dems.
Seen on the runway at the Fall/Winter 2010 Melbourne Fashion Festival.
Salute the flag with an appropriately beringed finger
When on your feet for long hours, it’s important to be comfortable. These Converse flag sneakers will do the job.
But once the rally is over and you go out to dinner with all the new Tea Party friends you’ve made, you can step into these beauties by Zanotti, appropriate for a learned discussion of the Constitution.
How about a dance after the Tea Party. The Goddiva sequined flag dress will transform you into the Dolly Madison of the ball.
Red and white flag tights are the perfect way to round out your look.
Accessories can make or break an outfit. This pin by Tarina Tarantino is elegantly retro. I can see this as part of Sarah Palin’s wardrobe, pinned to her beautifully tailored leather jackets.
Karen and I wish all our friends and relatives a lovely and patriotic Shabbat.
Send in your fashion questions and I’ll be glad to offer my advice.
Ariel Chaim Avrech, ZT'L, May His Righteous Memory be a Blessing.
6 Comments
Very patriotic to say the least.
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I thought it was possibly against the law, definately against flag etiquette, to put the American flag on clothing. If I were going to a tea party rally, I WOULD show up in either jeans or a jean skirt, a pretty summer blouse, and sandals. I can’t tell you how proud and happy I was when I went shopping in New York City, last March, tried on a pair of size 12 Wranglers at K-Mart, and they, Baruch HaShem, after 18 months of self-discipline on my part, fit. I sometimes argue with an ultra-religious friend who tells me I should NEVER wear jeans. I say “In some places, they’re the least consicuous, and consequently the most modest, things to wear.”
Shavuah Tov and all the best.
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Robert – I sometimes confuse people showing up in jeans, sweatshirt and Birkenstocks and spouting conservative ideas.
I think I know what you would say about that outfit
You could become the Dear Abby of the fashion crowd!
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Hiya, Robert,
Good Shabbos. I referred a friend to your blog: he will not stop sending me Glenn Beck, Palin, etc., stuff, so I figure you two are beshert, in a right wing, if-Obama-says-it-it’s-wrong, kind of way.
Jenny
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When I want to show my patriotism I put on my U.S. Army NHRA shirt (autographed by Tony Schumacher, Antron Brown and some of the soldiers that were at the race) or my Ronald Reagan Library T-shirt. Sometimes I’ll wear my Air Force Academy hat with them.
A favorite memory was when I wore my RR Library shirt to a parade and the WWII veterans on a Battle of the Bulge float all gave me a thumbs up when they saw it.
Somehow I doubt I would look very good in any of the suggestions above unless I get under 150 lbs and become a woman.
And flip flops are okay for the beach but when people wear them more than 5 strides from water or sand they deserve to stub their toes on the sidewalk.
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Now those Zanotti heels could make my heart go pitter patter. Unfortunately my feet would say “OUUUUUCHHHHH”
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