Seraphic Secret

Robert J. Avrech: Emmy Award winning screenwriter. Religious Zionist. Republican. Movie fanatic. Gun owner. Helplessly and hopelessly in love with my wife since age nine.

Friday Photos: Announcing a New Jewish Holiday Edition

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Eleanor Parker was a brilliant actress who played comedy as well as drama. Her voice was husky, and she used it like a musical instrument. Raised a Protestant, she converted to Judaism. Her daughter spent a Summer working on a kibbutz, married an Israeli, and settled in Israel.
Eleanor Parker (’22 – ’13) was a brilliant actress who played comedy as deftly as she played drama. Her voice was film noir husky, and she used it like a musical instrument. Raised a Protestant, she converted to Judaism. “I think we’re all Jews at heart,” she told columnist Kay Gardella. “I wanted to convert for a long time.” Her daughter spent a summer working on a kibbutz, married an Israeli, and settled in Israel permanently. Parker’s best films are: Caged (’50) Detective Story (’51) Scaramouche (’52) Interrupted Melody (’55), and The King and Four Queens (’56).

Jewish humor is filled with self-deprecating observations. We poke fun at our peculiar foibles, and frequently address our greatest anxieties — intermarriage, Jew-hatred, weight-gain — with a take-no-prisoners attitude.

If you want to know how Jews are really feeling about something or someone, pay attention to the jokes Jews tell each other.

A few days ago, Karen and I attended a lovely wedding in Pacific Palisades.

During the smorgasbord, a friend approached, made the obligatory l’chaim and asked:

“On which Jewish holiday did Barack Obama die?”

“Obama’s not dead.”

“The day Obama dies is going to become a Jewish holiday.”

Here’s the second punch line: the guy who told me the joke is one of the few Orthodox Jewish Democrats — most Torah Jews are Conservative Republicans — with whom I’m acquainted. But he is, in his own words, “Doing teshuvah, for helping elect a straight-up Jew-hater.”

Here’s an array of fun pictures to help us get through the weekend.

Rembrandt, Portrait of an Old Jewish Man, 1654.
Rembrandt, Portrait of an Old Jewish Man, 1654.

 

Eleanor Parker was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actress for her role in “Caged”.
Eleanor Parker was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actress for her role in “Caged”.

 

Two baseball legends: Jimmy Foxx, Boston Red Sox, and Hank Greenberg Detroit Tigers.
Two baseball legends: Jimmy Foxx, Boston Red Sox, and Hank Greenberg, Detroit Tigers.

 

I buy art supplies at a wonderful store on La Cienega Avenue. All the people who work in the store are artists. They all sport body pierecings, elaborately colored hair, and, of course, tattoos.
I buy art supplies at a wonderful store on La Cienega Avenue. All the people who work in the store are artists with body piercings, elaborately colored hair, and, of course, tattoos.

 

Norma Jean Baker AKA Marilyn Monroe, circa 1940.
Norma Jean Baker, circa 1940.

 

Sigmund Freud asked: “What do women want?” Talk about a clueless shrink. Women want shoes!
Sigmund Freud asked: “What do women want?” Talk about a clueless shrink. Women want shoes! And women really heart these Louboutins.

 

After seeing Anita Björk's brilliant performance in Miss Julie ('51) Alfred Hitchcock hired Björk as the female lead for I Confess in 1952. However, when Björk arrived in Hollywood with her lover Stig Dagerman and their out of wedlock baby, Jack Warner, the head of Warner Brothers insisted that Hitchcock should find another actress.
After seeing the Swedish actress Anita Björk’s searing performance in “Miss Julie” (’51) Alfred Hitchcock hired Björk as the female lead for “I Confess” in 1952. However, when Björk arrived in Hollywood with her lover and their out-of-wedlock baby, Jack Warner, the head of Warner Brothers, insisted that Hitchcock hire another actress. Hitch gave the role to Anne  Baxter.

 

Gary Cooper relaxes while on location.
Even movie stars read movie magazines. Gary Cooper relaxes while on location for “The Fountainhead.”

 

Strolling along Pico Boulevard, I saw a bunch of paintings being sold. I stopped for a moment and looked at this view of NY with the twin towers still standing. I experienced great sadness.
Strolling along Pico Boulevard, I saw a bunch of paintings for sale. I stopped and looked at this pic featuring a view of NY with the Twin Towers still standing. I experienced great sadness.

 

Sally Gray b. Constance Vera Stevens (1915 - 2006) was a spectacularly beautiful and talented British actress. Here she is on the set of They Made Me a Fugitive ('47). She retired in 1952 after marrying The 4th Baron Oranmore and Browne, an Anglo-Irish peer. Thus, she became Dowager Lady Oranmore and Browne, which actually sounds like a movie about a British aristocrat starring Sally Gray. her best films are: Green for Danger ('46), They Made Me a Fugitive ('47), and Silent Dust ('49).
Sally Gray b. Constance Vera Stevens (1915 – 2006) was a spectacularly beautiful and talented British actress. She retired from the screen in 1952 after marrying The 4th Baron Oranmore and Browne, an Anglo-Irish peer. Thus, she became Dowager Lady Oranmore and Browne, which sounds like a character in a movie about a British aristocrat starring Sally Gray. Her best films are: Green for Danger (’46), They Made Me a Fugitive (’47), and Silent Dust (’49).

 

The ages of Barbara Stanwyck. An Oscar winning actress told me that she never screens any of her old movies. “It's no fun watching myself get old,” she explained.
The ages of Barbara Stanwyck. An Oscar winning actress told me that she never screens any of her old movies. “It’s no fun watching myself get old,” she explained.

 

This is a coffee table made from petrified wood. My photo flattens the space.
Guess correctly what this is and you win a…

 

Seraphic Secret basball cap. It's 100% cotton and made in, um, Cambodia.
Seraphic Secret basball cap. It’s 100% cotton and made in, um, Cambodia. If you want to purchase the cap, just deposit $10.00 in my Pay Pal account.

 

Passover will be upon us in a little over a week. This is a Yemenite family conducting a Passover seder in Jerusalem, 1939.
In just a week, Jews all over the world will celebrate Passover. This is a Yemenite family conducting a Passover seder in Jerusalem, 1939.

 

Welcome to Kelly's Kosher Kitchen. During the Korean War, while my father was stationed on an Army base overseas, he realized that quite a few Jeiwsh soldiers needed kosher food. Which was impoossible to get. My father tried to enlist the aid of the other Jeiwsh Chaplains in establishing a kosher kitchenb. The Reprmed Rabbi refused, telling my father that it was bad form to demand special religious priveleges. The Conservative Rabbi also oppossed a kosher kitchen. My father enlisted the aid of father Peter Kelly, his buddy, a Catholic Priest. Father Kelly was outraged that so many Jewish soldiers were not able to keep kosher. he was also outraged that fellow Jews, alleged rabbis, didn't care. Father Kelly knedw how to move army bureaucracy along and in just a few weeks, a kosher kitchen was etablished. In honor of this good and pious man, my father insisted on the name, Kelly's Kosher Kitchen.
During the Korean War, while my father was stationed overseas, he wanted to get kosher food for the observant soldiers. My father tried to enlist the aid of the other Jewish Chaplains. The Reformed Rabbi refused, telling my father that kashrut was an outmoded practice. The Conservative Rabbi warned my father not to ask for special privileges. It might cause an outbreak of anti-Semitism. Finally, my father enlisted the aid of his golf buddy, Father Kelly, a Catholic Priest. Kelly was outraged that so many Jewish soldiers were not able to keep kosher. He was even more outraged that fellow Jews, alleged rabbis, were less than helpful. Father Kelly knew how to move army bureaucracy along and in just a few weeks, a kosher kitchen was established on this far off army base. In honor of this good and pious man, my father insisted on the name, “Kelly’s Kosher Kitchen.” My father is in the foreground.

 

Livia Yarden wishes all our friends and relatives a lovely and inspirational Shabbat.
Livia Yarden wishes all our friends and relatives a lovely and inspirational Shabbat.

 

The End

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Comments

  3. I’m late to the contest, Robert (sorry, but I’ve been visiting the beach and Walt Disney’s legacy in Florida for the past 10 days), but it looks like there is stitching on the sides of the object, so I’m going to guess a baseball (or softball) hide.

  5. A few days ago, Karen and I attended a lovely wedding in Pacific Palisades.

    During the smorgasbord, a friend approached, made the obligatory l’chaim and asked:

    “On which Jewish holiday did Barack Obama die?”

    “Obama’s not dead.”

    “The day Obama dies is going to become a Jewish holiday.”

    I remember hearing that joke about Saddam Hussein, may he rot in hell.

    Hope Emerson was also Oscar nominated for her performance in CAGED, as the sadistic prison matron.

  7. Eleanor Parker might have made a swell Kitty Fremont. (Nothing wrong with Eva Marie…just something that came into my mind after reading the piece.)

  8. An asphalt patch on a roof?

    I think a lot of close minority communities indulge in self-deprecating humor. In my experience, the ones that dont’ aren’t healthy.

    Sounds like your friend is at least coming around.

    Barbara Stanwyck is enjoyable to look at at any age. Perhaps I shouldn’t be too hard on her for feeling otherwise, though.

    • You’re very welcome. It’s ironic, but my father’s closest colleagues in the Chaplaincy were pious Christians. The liberal rabbis were, um, so liberal they made believe that Judaism’s central dogma was eating bagels on Sunday morning.

      • If you watch the Car 54 Where Are You? episode, “See You at the Bar Mitzvah”, Rabbi Solomon’s best buddy, and effectual helper in getting others to attend my fictional distant relation, Joel Pokrass’, Bar Mitzvah, is Father Charlie somebody. I can’t remember his name.

        Poor Joel. His dad is Pokrass the Landlord, meanest man in NYC at the time, perhaps. He has a bit of redemption at the end. 🙂

  11. I heard Leo Durocher tell a story about Dizzy Dean and Hank Greenberg that happened at the 34 World Series. Diz was the starting pitcher for St. Louis and was watching Greenberg take batting practice. At this time Diz walked up and bet Hank $100 that he would strike him out every time he came up. Hank took the bet (he’d batted something like .350’s that season) any out come but a strike out he wins. Anyway the first couple of times up Dizzy got him, but the third time up with a 1-1 count Greenberg fouled straight up behind the plate. The catcher settled in 3 or 4 feet behind the plate for an easy catch. Just before the landed in the mitt, Dizzy came off the mound and tackled the catcher, the ball fell foul, strike two, and on the next pitch strike three! Just imagine how the press and announcers would react today.
    Leo told this story on the old Dick Cavett show in the 70’s or early 80’s. It was a series of 4 or 5 shows with Leo Durocher, Hank Aaron, Mickey Mantle, and retired umpire Tom Gorman. The stories they told, it was wonderful.

    • Wonderful story!

      Is it my imagination or was baseball once a wonderful sport that has sunk into decadence? Heck, I remember when the players on the Brooklyn Dodgers actually lived in Brooklyn.

      • I don’t know Robert, I feel that way too, but baseball (like many other sports) probably never was very pristine to begin with. I do know this in sports, when the big money moves in, the colorful characters and happenings tend to disappear(bad for business you know), I bet you could say the exact same thing about Hollywood, wait maybe you have been on this blog.

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