Dear Seraphic Secret:
It’s true, we are depressed that Obama won the election. We are also angry that the Second Amendment is under attack by the commies who now run the U. S. government. But we still love shoes. So what gives, Robert? Is Karen walking around in flip-flops? Come on. Get over it. And bring back Friday Footwear!
Seeking Solace in Shoes
Millions of Americans are out of work. The federal deficit is a crime. We are on the edge of a double dip recession.
What to do?
Fashion designers are banking on happy, unexpected colors to dress up your tootsies.
Seraphic Secret has done the hard work of combing through the 2013 footwear collections and picking the very best designs. We’ve made sure to choose some nice, comfortable flats so you can stand in line at Chick-fil-A in support of religious speech.
Alas, Seraphic Secret only eats kosher food, but we join the Chicken-fil-A line in spirit and solidarity.
On Passover the Jewish people are instructed to envision that they are experiencing the Exodus from Egypt. During the Passover seder (meal) we reenact—through sacred memory animated by ritual—the passage from bondage to slavery.
The Torah tells us that the Jews left Egypt with the spoils of their oppressors—compensation for 400 years of cruelty. Thus, I’ve always had this Mel Brooks vision of Jewish women frantically shopping for the best shoes in which to make the journey to the land of Israel.
Today, fashion dictates footwear that might not be all that appropriate for a forty year shlep through the wilderness, but pure joy animates the best designs of the season and joy is the operative word for Passover.
Freud famously queried: What do women want?
Poor Sigmund, he was so wrapped up in his theories (and cocaine) that he was incapable of looking at flesh and blood women and seeing the obvious: Women want shoes and handbags. Usually, but not exclusively, in that order.
Here are a few of the latest fashion offerings in handbags that, in our opinion, are as good, if not better, than the clothing they accessorized.
Seraphic Secret likes to follow trends in fashion. Our mission is to bypass the slutwear that parades as cutting edge design and focus instead on beautifully tailored outfits that are both flattering, ladylike, and modest.
As always, we do not highlight pant suits; they are a crime of fashion.
Speaking of crimes of fashion:
We are happy to report that the most interesting trends are a return to a demure, feminine silhouette. Overpowering volume and outsized patterns are, for the most part, absent; a good thing if you’re over 20 years-old and weigh more than a stalk of wheat. Instead, most designers focused on refined simple lines that can be worn by actual female human beings.
The best outfits are a welcome flashback to the Hollywood glamour of Grace Kelly, Elizabeth Talylor, Audrey Hepburn, Kim Novak, Tippi Hedrin and Eva Marie Saint.